The Night Before Five

This evening has started the same way each birthday eve does, with me re-reading all the birthday letters I have written to you over the years.  Every year I find myself wanting to write the same things, but each year I feel like I know you a little better, I see more dimensions to the fantastic character you are.

It is the fourth birthday in a row that you have asked for a pet dog and I love that you don't give up on your dreams.  Unfortunately for you we still have no intent on getting one, but I hope you love the things I have chosen for you.  We are having a little party tomorrow, it has to be very limited numbers as there are already 6 of us before adding anyone else,  but you can't wait to have your friends in the garden.  We missed this last year and now you are coming to the end of your first year of school and I think it is going to be really special seeing your friends outside the classroom.

You are still tiny, some of your friends are head and shoulders taller than you, but you are fierce and determined, you know who you are and what you want and your confidence shines.  You still love everything dog and tell anyone who will listen that you are going to be a vet with a pet dog when you grow up.  You stop pet owners to tell them how beautiful their pups are and always choose animal themed clothing when you have a choice.  

Four was the year you started in Reception and you have settled in so well.  You haven't had the biggest interest in the academic side of learning but you have loved the art and crafts, spending time with friends and everything else.  It doesn't matter how I send you in, you come out looking wild, mud all over your top, paint all over your shoes and sometimes a fresh plaster too.  You throw yourself in and are not afraid to get dirty.  You refuse to have your hair tied up and pull it out quickly if I attempt it and you are still naked as often as possible at home.  You still sleep in my bed most nights, you still want to cuddle to sleep and you insist on a kiss and cuddle if one of us leaves home without the other.

You are my little sidekick and you fit perfectly in our family.  I couldn't imagine you with a sister but you boss around your brothers and have Daddy wrapped around your little finger.  You are messy and wild but so incredibly kind and caring.  You are always keen to share with your boys and always looking out for others.  

I can't wait for the adventures of five, we are going to have so much fun, but before they start, I want to pause for a minute and soak up everything you are now.  The way you call for me out the blue, just to tell me you love me, waking up to you snuggled up in the middle of my bed, still looking so small, the way your hair flies behind you as you scoot at speed, the poses you pull as soon as a camera comes out and that belly laugh that makes you throw your head back. 

You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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The Milestones

When Finn arrived, we had no idea that we had such an ordeal ahead.  He cried and he cuddled, he fed and he cuddled some more and he was our perfect baby boy.  When he was 12 hours old, he was found to have jaundice and when he was 24 hours old, the doctors decided there was an underlying problem.  It was discovered that he had been born with a virus, and suddenly there was a lot of unknown.

The virus can manifest in many ways, and there is so much uncertainty ahead.  Our baby boy is a fighter and is doing so well, but we were left with so many questions and so much that we would need to  'wait and see'.  

One thing we were told is to keep a close eye on his milestones in the first year, as it will be a good indicator of his future development.  I found myself worrying daily about what he should be doing, despite having had two newborn babies before and knowing that not much is expected in the first weeks.

This week marks six weeks since the dinky one arrived, and today he smiled at me.  He smiled in the morning, and cooed away, he smiled in the afternoon, despite being rather grumpy all day and he smiled before bed as we lay on the floor having tummy time.  He watched me, alert and interested, his eyes lit up first and finally his mouth curled up into that goofy toothless smile.  I couldn't capture it on camera, I was too busy enjoying that little face, but today Finn smiled.

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Starting Preschool

At three years, one month and six days, my biggest little one started preschool.  For the final year before he starts full time education at school, he will be doing his free 15 hours at a local preschool and to say he is ready is a bit of an understatement.

Dylan has been desperate to go to nursery, he wants to be around other children, be challenged in different ways and get that independence which is only really possible without me there.  I was nervous and excited for him.  I stayed up packing him a nutritious lunch last night, putting in his favourite things - nothing fancy, just food I know he loves.  I got his backpack ready and laid out his clothes and I prepared for seven hours without him.

I barely got a goodbye as he went in, and he couldn't leave until he had finished his game and said goodbye to his friends.  I know we made the right decision when he is so comfortable there from the very beginning.

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Dylan at 34 Months

34 months, toddler development, toddler diaries

Whilst I still write monthly about Archie, I have never documented Dylan in the same way.  I never managed weekly, monthly or even quarterly posts, but sporadically write about where he is at.  At 34 months, he is racing towards 3 and from September he will be considered a pre-schooler (which is a pretty scary fact!).  For now though, he is my baby boy, and at 2 years and 10 months he is leaving behind the toddler traits.

You would never guess to meet him that my baby boy is only two.  He has a confidence which doesn't come from me, and appears to not have a shy bone in his body.  He is inquisistive, curious and constantly wanting to know what is happenening (and what is for his next meal).  He stands tall at one metre and we have started buying clothes in age 4-5 to account for his size.  His feet have shot up to a nine and his shoes are discarded with little wear as he grows so fast.

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Two and a Half

It has been two and a half years since I held my first newborn baby in my arms and this busy toddler has come so far in such a short time.  At two and a half, Dylan is a unique little boy, with a smile that melts my heart, eyes that sparkle as he is having fun and a heart of gold.

At two and a half, Dylan is a chatterbox, stopping only to eat and sleep.  He talks all day long, narrating his life, asking questions and learning about his environment.  We haven't yet got the 'why' but I think we have every other question under the sun.  

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11 Months

11 months have gone by in the blink of an eye.  Whilst I stopped to savour every day, week and month with Dylan, Archie's first eleven months seem to have passed by in a blur of breastfeeding, nappies and chasing a toddler round, and suddenly in place of my newborn there is a cheeky little boy, not really a baby, but not yet a toddler.  A child with his own mind, a determination and the cheekiest smile.  Archie is hurtling towards his first birthday and I honestly can't tell you how nearly a year has passed since I brought him home from the hospital that cold Sunday afternoon.

At 11 months Archie is an explorer, a climber and a little monkey at times.  He is not content sitting still and lying him down to change a nappy requires a small team.  He sees what he wants and goes for it, no matter what is in the way and would rather climb over an obstacle than go round it.  He is not afraid of heights and given half the chance he is half way up the stairs.  He has mastered climbing onto our bed and the sofa, something that took Dylan an extra 9 months!  He is happiest when standing, and although he has been pulling himself up for quite some time, it is only this past month that he has experimented with letting go, getting ready for that scary next stage and those first steps.

Archie has been happy feeding himself, but we have taken a slight step back in the last month as he seemed to be getting more and more unsettled and agitated in the afternoons.  We added in a few spoon fed meals and he is like a different child, much happier and more content.  Although he is confident feeding himself, I think he has a lot of fun spreading his food around the four corners of the room, and this way we know he is getting enough.  Despite turning his nose up at puree when we started weaning, he is perfectly happy for me to be doing the work now and still eats everything and anything on offer (including tumble dryer fluff given half the chance!)

Being a second child, Archie has had to slot into his older brother's schedule and they both nap after lunch.  Archie is still generally fed to sleep for this, unless he has fallen asleep in the sling or buggy, and sleeps anything from one to three hours.  Quite often he will wake after only half an hour,still sleepy with his eyes tight shut and a whingey cry, and he will settle straight back off if I bring him into my bed for a cuddle.  Trying to move is forbidden though and he will sleep as long as he is cuddled in my arms.  Although it may well be a bad habit, there is something so precious about curling up with him for an afternoon nap, and I don't really discourage it. 

Our nights are still eventful with at least one wake up without fail.  It is starting to get really hard, having not had a full night's sleep for so long and I am contemplating getting tough, but when it is 4am and I am sleepy and cold, feeding him back to sleep is by far the easiest and quickest option.  Archie is still breastfed on demand although I have been pushing him to 3 feeds a day (and one night), and this works most days.  when I am at work he quite happily goes all day without milk, but when I am around I find it very hard to say no when he makes it incredibly obvious what he is wanting.

He has two extra teeth joining the original four, and you have to be careful when he comes for a big slobbery kiss (as he does frequently), that he doesn't try and imprint these teeth marks on your face.  He is a very affectionate boy though, coming for cuddles and kisses throughout the day and still happiest when in his mummy's arms.

This next month will be spent planning a first birthday party and my next Archie update will be his first birthday.  I am excited about everything to come, but still wondering where on earth this year has gone!

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Me and My Shadow

A child's brain is an amazing place.  A pear can become an airplane, a stick in the park is a magic wand and you can fill yourself up on pretend coffee and cake.  Dylan has recently discovered his shadow and it makes late afternoon walks all the more fun when we have to constantly check that his shadow is following us.  

We wave at him, and we wave at Mummy and Archie's shadows too.  We walk round corners and behind trees to see if he is still there and we say goodbye when we finally make it home.  Every now and again then we look for him, with the obvious place being the least obvious place for Dylan to look.

His fascination knows no bounds and a trip to Canterbury at the weekends was all the more enjoyable as we followed our shadows down the high street, jumping, running and exploring how it moved.  

I have tried to explain the science, but at not yet two and a half, Dylan prefers the magic, his black shadow, who is always there to keep him company.

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My 26 Month Old

My big little man is now 26 months old and his little character is coming out more and more every single day.  He is cheeky, funny, sweet and beautiful.  He is lively, chatty and desperate to learn about the world around him.  I want to take a mental snapshot of this wonderful age.

He is growing up, and always hungry.  Despite eating a breakfast the same size as mine, as soon as he has eaten the last mouthful, he insists on asking for lunch, dinner and a snack as he is still hungry.  He could probably talk about food all day long and he loves zooming round the house on his skuttlebug going to the 'shops' for bananas and apples.

He is losing the baby talk (although still needs a translator sometimes), but my favourite word he says is crocodile, I don't know why, but it just sounds so cute! His vocabulary gives us a peek into his imagination and I can already see what a magical place it is.

He is having a few issues between you and me which can get confusing when he is desperate for 'you do it' and I am not sure quite which 'you' he means.  Things are often 'mine' instead of 'my' which just sounds a little German when he is shouting 'Mine Biscuit!'

He loves looking at photos, but if the photo is of himself from more than a few months ago he is convinced it is Archie instead. We can spend ages going through photo albums though and he loves going round the house looking at photos on the wall and letting me know who is in them.

He is a big boy and going into some of his 3-4 year clothing.  He is slimming down as he gets more active but still has very much a toddler figure.

He loves Jake and the Neverland Pirates and In The Night Garden and suddenly has found a real interest in TV, although he still won't sit still to watch it.  He likes anything with a good catchy song and is really starting to recognise things, even if he has only seen them once or twice before.

Despite breaking his leg this summer and having only been walking again for around 6 weeks, he is back to normal and has been learning to climb better at the park.  He still has a little catching up to do but I am so proud of how well he is doing.  He is really trying to jump but as yet can't get both feet off the floor together.

His favourite toys are puzzles and his pushchair.  He has moved on to 6,9 and 12 piece floor puzzles now although still needs help for some of the trickier ones.  He loves pushing Mickey Mouse around in his little blue buggy and asks to take it with him everytime we go out.

We have taken the sides off of Dylan's cot now, and he is loving his new found freedom.  He comes into our room in the morning and sits on the bed reading books whilst he waits for us to wake up and take him down stairs.  He doesn't seem particularly bothered by it at all and when he slept in a cot at my parent's house, he didn't mind at all.

He is cheeky, energetic and full of life.  A whirlwind who loves to crash, plane spot and eat biscuits and a fantastic big brother.  My 26 month old is my little buddy and I am enjoying watching him grow into such a beautiful little boy.

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This Too Shall Pass

I can no longer remember Dylan's baby cry.  I know he sounded like a newborn once upon a time though, all those months ago.  I know that his cry has not always been the toddler wail that it is now, but I can't remember the old sound at all.

I can still picture his first wonky smile though, with his tongue looking almost twisted in his mouth and his eyes lit up with excitement.  I can still remember that first beautiful giggle as I kissed his neck, and how long we spent trying to get him to make that perfect sound again.

I know that Dylan fed through the night for many months, sometimes once, sometimes every hour and I know that there were days when I was so tired, so fed up and probably wishing the time away until he was bigger and sleeping better.  When I look back on those first few months though, what I remember is picking him up, latching him on and watching his perfect features settle into a calm and dreamy state as he curled into my body and felt safe.  I remember wanting to freeze that moment and feeling at peace myself.  I remember those special moments between us, proudly showing off my baby to the world in constant wonder at this little person that I had created.  I remember being amazed by him every single day.

As Archie is hitting a rather difficult patch, waking more and more frequently in the night, I am trying to remind myself that it is only a phase.  We will get through it and as big as it may seem now, in the grand scale of things it is tiny.  This stage will pass and become just a memory, barely even that.  When I look back at my seven month old baby, I will smile at the way he giggled at his brother, the excitement in his eyes as he bounces in his jumperoo and the way he cuddled into me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered.  

I will know that he didn't sleep well, but that hungry, sleepy cry will be a sound I can't quite remember, replaced by a full belly laugh and the raspberrys he blows at every opportunity.

The memories of mornings spent with a hot coffee in my hands waiting for the caffeine to hit will be but tales to tell my teenagers that are still in bed at midday with no signs of surfacing and I will look at them wondering where those two little boys were, who woke up with the biggest smiles on their faces even at 6am.  The nights will never be as long again, the mornings never quite as early as they are now, these days will pass.

There are so many precious moments that I want to remember from these early months, that there will be no space for the sleepless nights and the baby cries.  Every stage is just that, something that will pass, whether it be good or bad and when I am up for the umpteenth night feed, I am trying to remember just that.  This too shall pass, and it will be but a distant memory - make sure you have enough of the great memories to shadow it out.


p.s Archie's gorgeous outfit was sent to us from the lovely people a Name It - review to come soon

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Nun-Night One Year Old

To my gorgeous boy,

It was a whole year ago that I wrote you this letter and I would never have believed how much can change in just 52 weeks.  You are now a walking, talking toddler with the cheekiest smile and the most beautiful eyes.  You are a fantastic big brother, including Archie in everything you do and you love to make him laugh.  You are still and will always be, my baby, but you are growing up before my eyes.

Your language has come on so much in the last year and you are now talking in sentences (non-stop if we are at home).  The baby talk is slowly phasing out but you still mispronounce the odd word and I love to hear you speak.  You know your colours, shapes and numbers and have an obsessions with puzzles.  You let us know your mind and it is wonderful being able to communicate with you so well now.

Despite having a broken leg that is stopping you walking, you are getting around just fine and it has taken you until now to perfect the art of bum-shuffling and crawling.  Despite having to spend weeks inside and having to watch your friends run around and play, you have not complained and I have never been prouder of you.  You brightened everyone's day in hospital with your smiles and laughs and kept me going even when things were tough.  The nurses loved you, the children loved you and we had so many visitors, it is clear to see how loved you are.

Your personality shows through more and more every day and I love learning about you.  You couldn't love your fruit more, one bowl of strawberries is never enough and you will often pick a satsuma over chocolate..  Your new love of airplanes and rockets mean that when you have finished with a toy you yell 'blast off' as you pretend to shoot it up into the air and no matter what shapes we make with Duplo, they are always airplanes..  

Your energy is infectious and everything is a potential adventure.  You can find a puddle to jump in, despite it not having rained for a week and we stop to examine leaves, trees and stones.  You help me see the beauty in the world around me when it passed me by before.  You make me appreciate what I have and the things we have done and you make me strive to be the best mother and the best me that I can be.

I want to show you things, teach you things but you are not even two yet and it is you that is showing and teaching me.  It was always you and me, (and Daddy at the weekends) but now we have another little person in our team and you are showing and teaching him too.

Somedays I look at you and see the child that you have become, the sociable confident little boy.  Other days you remind me that you are still only so young and when you cuddle into my lap and suck your thumb, you are still my little baby.

Tomorrow you will wake up and be 2.  Tomorrow I will wake up and be the mother of a 2 year old and baby boy, I am so happy that I am your mama.  

Your floppy blonde hair, your big blue eyes, your totally edible chubby cheeks, 16 teeth and still the chunkiest thighs I have ever seen.  There is so much I want to remember from this past year and I am so glad I have it recorded here.  

Sleep tight my gorgeous one year old, for tomorrow is a big day.

Love Mummy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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5 Months In

We are now 5 months in to our life as a family of four.  This last month has had its ups and downs and Archie has celebrated turning 5 months old in the hospital.  5 months seems to signal a huge change and my baby boy seems to be growing up rather too fast.

 Archie is well and truly a mummy's boy.  He can look rather serious at times, but the moment he catches my eye a huge smile spreads over his face.  He is happiest in my arms and doesn't like to venture too far from me.  He has become very smiley over the last month though and he now gives out gummy grins to anyone who will talk to him.  He is laughing more and more and loves my silly voices.  I think he will be the thrill seeker of the family as he loves being thrown in the air, or when I make sudden movements or loud noises.

He may not be crawling yet, but Archie is well and truly on the move.  He explores every corner of his cot as he twists, turns and rolls around and in the blink of an eye he has moved across the room somehow.  He likes to curl his legs underneath him and then push off against them to go forward.  He is still happiest when he is stood up and hasn't quite mastered sitting unaided yet.

It appears that I breed big hungry babies, and just like his big brother, Archie has stopped putting on weight when he turned 4 months old and started dropping through the centiles in his little red book.  Despite me wanting to wait until 6 months to wean, we have been advised to start now and from 5 months our weaning journey will begin.

Dylan has always been affectionate with his kisses and hand holding, but he is now asking for cuddles with 'Bubba' all the time too.  Dylan loves to show Archie everything he is doing and all day long I hear 'Look Bubba, look' as Archie is shown everything from a toy, to grapes, to Dylan's knees.

Teething is well and truly underway and Archie is soaking through bibs in no time (chewing them probably doesn't help).  Everything goes straight in his mouth and I have invested in a Sophie Le Giraffe after reading such fab reviews.  Archie fell instantly in love with it, and his little legs stiffen in excitement when he hears the squeak.  I see no signs of any imminent arrivals but Dylan didn't get his first two until 8 months so I expect Archie will be similar.

Breastfeeding is still going well and we are still demand feeding with no real schedule.  Nights are all over the place but we are sharing a room on the ward with a child who wakes up screaming at random points in the night as well as having children that need inhalers or medicine through the night, and don't always take them quietly.  I have no idea how much Archie is waking up from other noises or from wanting milk but even on our night at home we have two night feeds still. 

At 5 months Archie is a happy, healthy and beautiful little baby but I can see him growing up before my eyes.

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Wonderful Words

There is nothing more frustrating than not being able to explain what is wrong.  A lack of communication can cause no end of problems and life as a toddler is tougher than we give them credit for. So maybe they do get to ride around in comfy chariots, snack throughout the day and nap every afternoon.  Maybe they  do have a pair of adults running around after them making sure they have everything they need - it doesn't always mean they can let us know what they need.

Dylan's vocabulary is growing daily and he is always amazing me by using a word I had no idea he could say.     He is desperate to learn more about the world around him and is a little sponge, taking everything in.  With his new words, comes a better communication and I am learning more about him all the time

He becomes cheekier every day and he can let me know that something is broken, that he wants help, that he needs reassurance, that he is hurt and that he is tired. I still need to read his cues, but he helps me by vocalising his thoughts.  When we play, there is conversation.  Gone are the days of my voice filling the silence, Dylan chats away and sings along warming the room with his beautiful voice.

We still have a long way to go and with the increase in vocabulary we are also seeing an increase in frustration and tantrums as he still doesn't have the words to vocalise everything he wants to say.  Sometimes his pronunciation is not quite right and it takes me several guesses to correctly work out quite what he is on about.

Some of his mis-spronunciations make me giggle on a daily basis.  He often asks for a cheese and ham 'wosinge' rather than a sandwich and he loves to dance around to his 'shit-kick' as opposed to music.  As his speech improves some of those cute baby words are turning into real understandable ones though and I miss the cute variations that we once heard.

Every day he is learning, repeating and understanding more than ever before and his language is turning him from a baby into a little boy.  He has become more assertive, more determined and more interested in everything and he revels in learning about the world.  His words help me see it through fresh eyes as he wonders at a leaf falling from a tree or the animals he can see in the clouds.

With language comes power and Dylan is certainly learning his.

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Proud

There are days when I look at my boys with an overwhelming sense of pride.  Every day Dylan learns something new and I am amazed and in awe of his new skills. It doesn't matter if every other 20 month old can do it already or not, seeing my son do something for the first time will always be special, from his first smile, to those first wobbly steps to the first time he pronounces the 'm' properly in milk. 

Today Dylan said 'please' and 'thank-you' in all the right places and I was so proud of his beautiful manners.  He knows the words and often uses them (with a little encouragement) but today he needed no prompting.  Manners are very important to me and I want my children to be polite young people as they grow up. 

We went to the park this afternoon and for the first time Dylan played on the equipment independently   His confidence in climbing has come on so much these last few weeks and as well as climbing up and down the stairs, he also climbed up and slid down the slide without any help.  It may sound like a little thing to anyone else but it felt like I was watching my baby boy grow up before my eyes.  

I am so proud of how well Dylan has taken on his role of big brother.  I have never once seen jealousy and Dylan is always giving kisses and cuddles to his little brother.  His eyes light up when Archie looks his way and he comes over straight away to play with him.  I am so proud that he is taking it all in his stride and I love that Dylan found so much space for this new little person in his heart like we did.

I made them!

I love to see him master a new skill and the look of satisfaction in his face as he realises there is yet another part of life that he can now explore.  I love to see the wonder in his eyes as he realises that he can do it all on his own and I love the intelligent, inquisitive and loving child my son is turning into.

I am so proud of my little boy and so excited to see the man he will turn into - complete with excellent manners I hope!

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The One Year Check-up

This week we had Dylan's one year review.  I had to take him along to the children's centre to have his progress measured and to make sure he was developing as he should be.  Although I knew it was only a formality I was a little worried as at 11.5 months he is still not interested in crawling and not quite able to pull himself up either.

Luckily the health visitor conducting the review completely put my mind at rest.  After doing his height and weight measurements and plotting them on the 99.6th centile lines in his little red book she told me that his rate of growth may be affecting his mobility.  His muscles need to be much stronger than your 'average' baby and as he is constantly putting on weight they are struggling to catch up.  She watched him stretch and shuffle across the floor to get to a toy though and was not worried at all.

Dylan will be one in a week and cannot

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Still not crawling?

This is a question I am being asked at least once a day.  So is he crawling yet?  And the answer is still no.  Whats more, I don't expect this to change any time soon.

There is nothing physically wrong with Dylan, he was sitting up and rolling at 5 months and is a perfectly happy and healthy 9 month old boy.   He just hasn't found anything worth moving for!  I have tried a little light encouragement- putting toys and/or dangerous objects just out of reach to see if he is tempted but after a little stretch and a little whinge he settles with playing with the closest toys.  And if there are no toys in reach? he says what the hell, and plays with his feet. 

I think his cloth nappies are partly to blame, not in that they limit his movement but they must make sitting on your bum that bit more comfy!  A lovely padded soft cushion that just follows you around, why would you want to move on your barely covered knees?  He is not a small baby and there is quite a lot of him to carry around, (trust me my poor arms know) so maybe he has decided it is a lot less stressful to just sit.

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