Two in The Morning

Somehow a whole year has passed since I wrote a birthday letter to you on the eve of your first birthday, and tonight I am preparing to wake up and celebrate you turning two.  It seems like no time has passed since last November, but when I look at the pictures I took of you then I see how much you have grown in this last year.

As a one year old you were funny, cheeky, cuddly and determined.  As you approached two you started practicing your tantrums and you know exactly what you do and don't want.  Your language is coming along so much now but I see the frustration in you when we don't understand the word you are saying yet.  All the important ones (chocolate, biscuit, ice cream, chips) are pretty clear, but there is so much you want to communicate that we still haven't mastered and I am looking forward to you being able to express yourself more so we can get to know more about the little boy you are turning in to.

You sleep in your own cot now for at least the first half of the night.  You are absolutely a Mummy's boy still and feel safest with me, but you go to nursery in the mornings and you are settling well.  So much has changed for you this year and you now live in a new house, in a new country without your familiar family and friends, but you have coped so well with the move and you are settling into this new life.  

As you turn two you can walk, run and climb.  You can sing the alphabet song (with some missing letters) and you are forever asking for another book.  I packed a selection to bring out here, but I am regretting not bringing more as I am bored of all the books we have now!  You love being outside, watching Cocomelon (especially the wheels on the bus song), cooking in your toy kitchen and anything to do with a football.  You could spend all day watching the traffic and pointing out every bus, lorry and bike and you get very excited by animals of all kinds.  You are the final piece of our family that we didn't know we needed and you are so loved by all your siblings.

It feels like you are so new still, and like you have always been here.  Sometimes I am excited for you to reach the next stages and other times I miss the baby days but most of the time I try and appreciate where we are now, because you are changing every day, turning from a baby into a toddler and I know it won't be long until you stop saying 'nimp' when you want a drink and those other funny words we love.  

You have nursery in the morning and the others leave so early for the school bus, but we are going to celebrate in the afternoon with a trip to your favourite park and a cake and presents at home in the evening.  Before the fun begins, I need to go and stroke your cheek as you sleep and kiss your head for the last time as a one year old, for when you wake you will be two.

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Nun Night Eleven Year Old

You have grown so much as an 11 year old, in every way.  You are the main character in your story, you have an active life away from me and I feel like I am letting go a little bit more each week as you seek out independence and forge your own path.  You are confident without me always there, you are capable and you always make me proud.

I think 11 is the last year I will be able to look down at you as you must be around 5 foot 6 and you are wearing a size 9 shoe now.  There is still so much youth in your face and the way you walk though that I still see you as a child.  11 was the year you started caring a little more about what you wear (although as long as it is Adidas or a football shirt you still aren't that fussy).  It is a weird tween age where you have left behind so much of the child but you still have so much growing to do.

At 11 your passion is football.  It's come from nowhere and is all consuming and you want everything to be football based. You wanted the new FIFA game, football shirts and football training gear for your gifts, and of course anything with Liverpool FC on it.  I love seeing how enthusiastic you are about it all and how much time you spend outside because of the new hobby.

As an 11 year old you have been great company.  You can be sensible, helpful and chatty (you can also be none of these things depending on the day of course).  You are better at walking away from fights with your siblings (again, depending on the day) and we can see how important for you having your own space is as you reach this next stage in your life.

It is the last year before you officially become a teenager and I am looking forward to adventures with you both big and small this year. 

I know twelve is going to be a busy year with so much change but I want to stop and enjoy you whilst you are still littler than me, because I know how many lasts are coming as you start needing me less.  You are clumsy, frustrating, intelligent, loud and wonderful and no matter how big you get, you will always be my baby.

Sleep tight my gorgeous eleven year old, for tomorrow is a big day

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The Night Before Seven

You have been counting down to your birthday since Alexa told you it was 100 days away and I can't wait to see your excitement in the morning when the day is finally here.  We have a badge ready for you to wear to school tomorrow and a party with your friends planned for this weekend.

Six was the year you seemed to finally grow after being small for so long.  You are still one of the shortest in your year, but your limbs seem to be stretching out and all the clothes that always seemed too big are now looking short.  Six is your last year at infant school and you are getting ready to leave it behind next month and start at a new one in September.  

Six was the year dogs were finally knocked off the top of your 'favourite things' list (although you would still love to have one as a pet).  Animals are still your biggest interest, but Izzy's Koala World has pushed the Australian marsupial up to top spot on your list.  It is an ever changing top 10 animals list and so I wouldn't want to try and write it down as it may have changed by tomorrow.

Rex is still your favourite brother and you are excited to see him every time we collect you from school.  You look up to Dylan a lot too and like to support the same football team as him.  I think you quite enjoy being the only girl in a gang of boys.

You are kind and creative, messy and wild, so very girly and one of the boys all at the same time.  You are observant, motivated and full of joy and spending time with you is a privilege. 

I can't wait to see what seven is going to bring! But before the adventures of seven begin I want to stop for a minute and soak up everything you are now.  The freckles that pop out as soon as the sun starts shining, the love of that black velour sequin dress - even when it is completely inappropriate to wear, the way everything is special and needs to be kept, including the back of a receipt that we played noughts and crosses on.  I want to remember the way you always wait for your friend to be picked up from school so you can walk home together, the way you want to look after me and the way you know your own mind so completely.

You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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Tomorrow You Are Eight

It is the eve of your eighth birthday, although it feels like you are already eight, we have been talking about this for so long.  This year it is all about football and Arsenal in particular and I think you are going to love your Saka shirt in the morning.  You have been looking forward to this birthday and counting down for months and I hope it is as special as you are.

 

It feels like you have really grown up a lot as a seven year old.  Whilst impulse control is never going to be your strong point, you have definitely matured in your emotions and communication and you are lucky to have such wonderful and supportive friends.  You have started junior school and absolutely love it. After a tricky end to Infants, I think the new challenges of a new school are exactly what you needed and I hope you continue to thrive there as an eight year old.

You seem to have moved away from the rainbows but definitely still like being bright, although anything with a gaming slogan or football gear is now what you pick from your wardrobe.  You still love a disco jacket though which makes me happy.

You are intelligent, capable, determined and so completely yourself.  You are vibrant, so incredibly loud and you are loving.  You frustrate me, push all my limits and bring me such intense pride and I can't imagine life without you.  

We have a climbing party with your friends tomorrow and then a family party which means lots of cake and lots of excitement and you can't wait!

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Ten

Ten sounds so much bigger than nine, but then you are so much bigger.  You are growing up and it is only in looking back that I realise how far you have come.  In little ways you are becoming more independent and getting new freedoms and I feel immense pride watching you grow. 

You are an introvert, hard to get to know (a battle I think we will have with each new teacher) but wonderful when you do.  With those that know you, you are playful and loving, loyal and kind.  You come alive when you are skiing, you are bold and confident and so full of joy that I want to move to the mountains with you. When you are passionate about something it radiates from you and is impossible to ignore.

You don't want to cuddle as much now you are growing up.  You are comfortable setting boundaries and you are confident in your own beliefs.  You are still happiest snuggled up in a blanket with a gaming device in your hand.  You feel injustice strongly and are certain that you will make good decisions as you hit the teenage years - let's see if that happens! 

In some ways you are still the easiest child - not old enough to be asserting too much independence and not young enough to need too much help but I don't want you to ever feel lost in the middle.  Being part of a bigger family has its pros and cons and I hope you always feel special and unique.  You still absolutely adore your baby brother (even if you could take or leave the rest of the gang) and you love teaching him new skills and celebrating his milestones.  You are so protective of him - something I should have expected as you have always been kind and loyal.  

I like to re read all your birthday posts on the night before and see how much you have changed but also how much you have stayed the same, completely true to who you are. You are an amazing person and I am so lucky to be your Mum.

Before you turn ten, as I kiss you for the last time as a nine year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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One in The Morning

It feels like you have only just arrived, I still think of you as a little baby in most ways, but life without you seems so distant a memory too.  You are the baby we didn't know we needed to complete our family and tomorrow my tiny boy, you turn one.

You may have no idea what a birthday is but your siblings definitely do.  Cora told everyone we saw in the supermarket today when we were out buying party food that it was your birthday tomorrow.  The boys ask about what you want, who your friends are and whether you will be allowed some cake and every one is is getting excited whilst you remain oblivious.  Being the youngest of five means there are a lot of people delighted about your milestones.

A year ago I had no idea you were about to arrive, I thought I had a few more days still. You were born on Saturday evening after a very quick labour and you were just perfect.  7lb 13oz of healthy baby boy, you looked like all your siblings and completely unique at the same time.  You were alert, you took me in as I memorised every part of you and I remembered how quickly a heart can grow.

This year you have changed from that tiny baby who just needed to be held to a much bigger baby who still needs to be held.  You feel safest in my arms and we still haven't spent more than about 3 hours apart.  You still rely heavily on breastmilk and you have no intention of sleeping anywhere other than in my bed for the foreseeable future. You are a complete Mummy's boy, although your love for music means Daddy is becoming much more interesting.  You press all the buttons on the speakers to let us know you want a tune and then bounce up and down dancing in delight when we turn something on.  You are inquisitive, cheeky and determined. 

I thought you would be early to walk as you were crawling and cruising by 9 months old but you have no interest in taking unaided steps yet.  You are much more interested in crawling up the stairs as fast as you can, giggling all the way and making sure someone is chasing you up.  You say Dadada and Mamama and something that sounds a lot like no.  You love music with your Daddy but with me you love books (two very happy parents if this continues).  You have 8 teeth and the dribbling is starting back up again so I am sure there are more to come.

As your birthday falls on a weekend, we are having a party on the day.  After your siblings have helped you explore your birthday gifts, we will head to the same hall where Archie and Finn had their first birthday and we will share cake with the people that love you.  I can't wait to celebrate what a little boy you are becoming, but before that moment I need to stop and take in everything you are now. The tiny boy curled up beside me as I write this is only going to get bigger, smarter and more independent and whilst the days might seem long at times, I know how lucky I am to get to spend them with you in my arms.  On your last night as an 11 month old, I want to give you an extra cuddle, a bonus kiss and let you know how loved you are.

Tomorrow my tiny boy, you will be one! 

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The Night Before Six

For the first year since you learned to speak, you didn't ask for a pet dog . . . it was a pet bunny this time.  You are still my little animal lover but we are expanding the interest slightly now as you approach six.  Your birthday wish list is full of cuddly animals that you would like and I hope you love what we have chosen for you.

Five was the year you became a big sister, the year you stopped being the youngest and I was unsure how you would take it, having been the baby for so long.  I shouldn't have worried as the love for your baby brother is immense. He is your favourite person and you want to be with him all the time.  I am not sure if he adores you or is terrified sometimes but he is a lucky boy to have such a caring big sister.

The whole dynamic of a house changes with the introduction of a new person but you have kept your role as boss.  I love the way you try and parent your brothers, sharing your sweets with them if they have done something good to earn a reward and always being supportive.  You are kind and I hope that value will take you far in life.

As you come to the end of your second year in school, you have made some lovely friends and we had a party today with them.  I love watching the way you interact with them and seeing your confidence grow.

Five is the year you started sleeping more in your own bed, although you still sneak in mine wherever you can.  It is the year you decided you can exist almost exclusively on pasta and the year you started to really get the hang of reading, although your favourite subject is always art.

I can't wait to see what six is going to bring! But before the adventures of six begin I want to stop for a minute and soak up everything you are now.  The force of your cuddles, the way you pretend to be asleep with a big grin on your face, your insistence that everything is so special, even when it is rubbish.  I want to remember the way your hand feels in mine at this size, the grin with missing teeth and the drama every time a new one is wobbly, the way you like to dress with as many patterns as you can fit in each outfit (ideally animal themed).

You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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Tomorrow You are Seven

You started counting down to this birthday as soon as Christmas was out the way, asking Alexa each morning how many days until February 25th.  I hope that tomorrow is everything you hope for.  It is your first birthday spent at school, something you are really happy about, and we have a friend coming back for a sleepover after wards so excitement levels are through the roof.

Six has been a long year - it feels like a lifetime ago that we were celebrating the end of you being five, just the six of us in our house as we were in full lockdown.  This year your world has opened back up and we are free to see friends and family.  As a six year old you welcomed your new baby brother with love and affection and became the 'middlest of the middles', with two younger and two older siblings.  

When I look back at what I wrote last year, so much of it I just want to repeat because you are that same boy, just taller, smarter and louder.  You are so intelligent, so capable and so desperate to learn, but only on your terms.  You still love music and feel it in your whole body, and you are currently planning for a career as a ninja.  You are determined, focused and I have no doubt you will get where you want to be, one way or another.  You are head strong, stubborn and know what you want.  You aren't always (ever) easy to parent, you push me to my limits, but loving you is so rewarding and I am forever grateful to be your Mummy.

Every year on this day I like to look back at pictures of how small and poorly you were, to think over what the doctors told us as we sat in special care and to remember the journey we have been on together.

Finn, you are a force of nature.  You are vibrant, confident, overflowing with personality and the world needs to be ready for you.  You frustrate me regularly but you make me proud just as often.  I hope you never stop being so unreservedly yourself.  You have come so far, you have proved everyone wrong and I will take a moment tomorrow to really remember what an amazing little person you are.

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Nine

I feel like turning Nine has crept up on us, probably because of the strange year we have had.  I just re-read the post I wrote this time last year and I am so grateful that things have changed in the past year.  Whilst we are still in a pandemic, the world has opened back up and you have reclaimed your childhood from it.  Unlike last year where we weren't allowed to see anyone outside our house, we have spent today trampolining and eating out with a big group of friends and you have a party planned with both your friends and with your family.

As an eight year old you have been certain, loving, outraged at every injustice done to you, full of love and quietly contemplative.  You became a big brother again and you refused to look at his photo when he was born, wanting to wait instead to see him in real life.  You adore your brother, you are wonderful with him and I am eternally proud of how you handle it all. I love watching you interact with him, desperate to teach him, trying to copy the way I talk to him.  You are the easiest child in some ways, not desperate to be the centre of attention, not as talkative as the others, not as big or bold or needy and I hope you never feel like you get less attention because of this because my love for you could not be bigger or bolder or louder.

As an eight year old you still love black, blankets, computer games and cuddles but you have recently started loving books more too (as long as you have someone to read to) and your favourite place ever is the arcades. You don't always want to talk, but you love company and you are still quicker to tell me what you don't like instead of what you do.  

I want to remember how kind and loyal you are, how deeply you love, how you are so big and so small all at the same time,  the way you talk, those features that are starting to change and give me an idea of how you will look as a teenager.  I want to remember eight year old Archie before you change again.  

Before you turn nine, as I kiss you for the last time as an eight year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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The Night Before Five

This evening has started the same way each birthday eve does, with me re-reading all the birthday letters I have written to you over the years.  Every year I find myself wanting to write the same things, but each year I feel like I know you a little better, I see more dimensions to the fantastic character you are.

It is the fourth birthday in a row that you have asked for a pet dog and I love that you don't give up on your dreams.  Unfortunately for you we still have no intent on getting one, but I hope you love the things I have chosen for you.  We are having a little party tomorrow, it has to be very limited numbers as there are already 6 of us before adding anyone else,  but you can't wait to have your friends in the garden.  We missed this last year and now you are coming to the end of your first year of school and I think it is going to be really special seeing your friends outside the classroom.

You are still tiny, some of your friends are head and shoulders taller than you, but you are fierce and determined, you know who you are and what you want and your confidence shines.  You still love everything dog and tell anyone who will listen that you are going to be a vet with a pet dog when you grow up.  You stop pet owners to tell them how beautiful their pups are and always choose animal themed clothing when you have a choice.  

Four was the year you started in Reception and you have settled in so well.  You haven't had the biggest interest in the academic side of learning but you have loved the art and crafts, spending time with friends and everything else.  It doesn't matter how I send you in, you come out looking wild, mud all over your top, paint all over your shoes and sometimes a fresh plaster too.  You throw yourself in and are not afraid to get dirty.  You refuse to have your hair tied up and pull it out quickly if I attempt it and you are still naked as often as possible at home.  You still sleep in my bed most nights, you still want to cuddle to sleep and you insist on a kiss and cuddle if one of us leaves home without the other.

You are my little sidekick and you fit perfectly in our family.  I couldn't imagine you with a sister but you boss around your brothers and have Daddy wrapped around your little finger.  You are messy and wild but so incredibly kind and caring.  You are always keen to share with your boys and always looking out for others.  

I can't wait for the adventures of five, we are going to have so much fun, but before they start, I want to pause for a minute and soak up everything you are now.  The way you call for me out the blue, just to tell me you love me, waking up to you snuggled up in the middle of my bed, still looking so small, the way your hair flies behind you as you scoot at speed, the poses you pull as soon as a camera comes out and that belly laugh that makes you throw your head back. 

You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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Tomorrow You Are Six

The countdown began the day I told you that you were officially five and a half and you can't wait to be six.  You have had a huge growth spurt this year and I often forget that you aren't already.  For a boy who was diagnosed with failure to thrive, who didn't outgrow his newborn clothes for months and who was such a little baby, you are turning into a tall boy (122cm last time I measured you) and I think you are going to be more like your biggest brother with this.

Your year of being five has been characterised heavily by a global pandemic which has forced you to spend a lot more time in the house than is natural for you.  Mostly, you have taken it in your stride but I have seen recently just how fed up of it all you are, and I can't wait to send you back to school so you can have the social interaction you so desperately need. This year I have had so much bonus time with you and whilst you can be incredibly hard work to parent, you are also so full of love and affection, you make me laugh every day and I am so thankful that I get to be your Mummy.

Five was the year you really learned to read and every time we share a book I see how fast this skill is coming on.  Whilst you are reluctant to engage in the home learning that your school provides, I know how capable you are and I have no doubt that you are learning all the time and your love of learning will continue with the right environment.  

You know what you want and you won't accept anything else, you are head strong, stubborn, determined and focused.  You are going to go far . . . if you want to.  You eat only the foods you want and there is no persuading you otherwise, you learn only when you want to and you understand the power of an impromptu nap to get you out of things.  You love to dance and your moves involve every part of your body.  You love listening to music and I see how you feel it all.  You would spend all day either gaming or watching other people gaming on youtube and you struggled to think of what you wanted for your birthday other than 'two cakes'. With it still being lockdown, I am much more willing to go along with this.

You are so excited to have your birthday, even though it will be nothing like what we are used to.  I want it to be special for you, I want you to smile and laugh and feel birthday joy all day and my dream is that when you (finally) fall asleep tomorrow night, probably snuggled up in my arms, that you go to sleep content and happy.

Finn, you are a force of nature.  You are vibrant, confident, overflowing with personality and the world needs to be ready for you.  You frustrate me regularly but you make me proud just as often.  I hope you never stop being so unreservedly yourself.  You have come so far, you have proved everyone wrong and I will take a moment tomorrow to really remember what an amazing little person you are.

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Eight

It is a birthday unlike any other this year, something I have been trying to prepare you for, but when I confirmed that your birthday would definitely be spent in lockdown, I saw your face drop.  You have been so brave this past year, you have put up with so much, lost out on so many things and you were clinging on to this looming birthday.  I hope more than anything that I can bring some magic to you tomorrow despite everything.

As a seven year old you entered life in a pandemic and lost out on the ability to see your friends, go to school and live the life you had been, but still I have watched you grow and mature and change.  You lost a front tooth and it immediately changed how you look.  The new one is growing in so much bigger, giving me a tiny glimpse of the man you will one day be, with a smile so big that the tooth fits in perfectly.  Your hair is getting longer and out of control but you are still holding out for the day the barbers open again and not risking a Daddy haircut! You are growing taller so quickly and whilst next to your biggest brother you look quite small, you are actually not small at all.  

You still love computer games, the colour black, wearing blankets instead of clothes and cuddles, and after hating books and reading for so long, you now love being read to.  I had stopped at one point as you protested constantly but now you ask for extra chapters every night and I hope some time soon you will start wanting to read more of these stories yourself.  

I see how this pandemic has affected relationships and I see how much you miss your friendships but I want you to know that even if you don't get to see all the people you want to, you are loved by so many.  I have planned some 'online play dates' for you tomorrow so you can game with your friends and I am hoping that schools can reopen in three weeks and you can see them in person too.  Birthday parties are such an integral part of childhood and it breaks my heart to know how much you wanted one this year.  I offered you a summer birthday party if we are allowed and you have already made the guestlist. In the meantime we will throw a party just us, with the siblings who have had to become your best friends over the past year and I have a few sweet surprises too. You have asked for cinnamon bagels instead of a birthday cake and you don't really like chocolate but you can't get enough of sweeties!

There are so many things I want to remember about you at seven.  How kind you are, how you care so deeply about those you love.  The way you can't sit still, the way you cuddle in close, arms around me.  The way you don't want a bath until you get in, and then you would spend all day in there if I didn't make you get out.  The way you can always tell me what you don't like easier than what you do like, the silent way you appreciate things and the joy when you really process them later on.  You are funny and sweet and I couldn't love you more.

Before you turn eight, as I kiss you for the last time as a seven year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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Nun Night Eight Year Old

The countdown started earlier than ever this year, I think with every passing year the excitement grows and unfortunately you will always be the last of your friends to have a birthday.  We are here though, I have just tucked you in for the last time as an eight year old and you will wake up nine, probably another inch taller and a little bit more grown up again.

Over lockdown you felt a bit younger again, you played more with toys and with your siblings once we took away friends and the social normalities but as things start to lift, as you find a social side of your gaming, as you went back to school for a few weeks, I saw you grow up again and we are caught in the middle now, two sides of you, the boy who is still my baby and the child who is racing towards independence and maturity.  

Eight was the year you seemed to learn more about the world, to understand things a bit better and to ask interesting questions.  It was the year you gained such amazing confidence skiing and I have seen recently how much you have progressed in swimming as you finally choose to swim in the sea after years of rarely going in past your ankles.  Eight was the year you started to think more about your future and your school report shows me how much you have been trying at school.  I still haven't managed to get you loving books but I will never give up trying.

This year your birthday is a bit different.  Lockdown is lifting and we can do much more than we could, but we still can't celebrate in the same ways and you are happy with a smaller party and a special family day out.  You have asked for a gaming headset so you can talk to your friends as you play on the x-box and you can't wait to connect.

These photos are from yesterday, we went to the beach after dinner and you wanted to go swimming in the sea and practice treading water.  You weren't that deep when I took these but you are turning into such a water baby and I love that.  You were so happy.  I find it hard to capture photos of you as you get older but I see you so clearly in these.  You are my son, my baby boy and my friend and I love getting to spend time one on one and learn more about you.

9 is going to be a big year, school is going to be different, everything will be different and year 5 is important in an area where you are expected to sit the 11+ in the first week of September (when you will have only just turned 10).  I know you are strong enough to cope with everything, you have a brilliant attitude to life and you can't wait to get stuck in to learning again.

Eight was full of fun but I think nine is going to be an exciting new adventure for you, I can't wait to be part of it.

Sleep tight my gorgeous eight year old, for tomorrow is a big day 

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The Night Before Four

As usual, bedtime has been a battle.  I don't know if it is the situation with lockdown or if you just don't need so much sleep but every night you are the last one awake, desperate to spend every moment  you can with me.  I wake up each morning with your face pressed up against mine as you have climbed up into the middle of our bed in the early hours.

I have just re-read the post I wrote on your last night as a two year old and I could easily copy and paste it all as you really haven't changed much.  For the third year in a row you have asked for a real dog for your birthday and for the third year in a row you are going to be disappointed in the morning. Your back up ideas were squirrel chocolate or a McDonalds happy meal so you can definitely have one of the three! You are so wonderfully loving and grateful though so I had confidence that whatever we chose for your special day would be appreciated.

You are the girliest girl in some respects, you love all things pink and fluffy and I could see over lockdown how much you missed playing with other little girls.  At the moment your favourite things are The Lion Guard and The Lion King, anything with dinosaurs or dragons and your baby dolls.  You collect small things, parts of toys, individual characters from sets and you keep them in little boxes and play with them that way.  You have the most random collections but they obviously make sense to you and you love to play.

At three you loved to draw and write and you are doing so well with both.  You really surprised me the first time you wrote your name out the blue without copying anything and since then you have written it everywhere.  You love to draw pictures of people and dragons and I think you are going to love this side of school when you start in September.  You are the opposite of your brothers here who all preferred numbers at your age.  

You are kind and loving, you make friendships easily and talk about your best friends all the time.  When we go out you gravitate towards other children and will strike up a bond with anyone.  Your three best friends are all going to big school with you and I hope you carry on so close.  You may be one of the youngest and smallest starting school in a couple of months but your personality won't be.  

You would rather be naked at all times and your hair trails behind you, usually looking like you have been dragged through a hedge backwards.  You will rarely tolerate a hairband and if so it won't be long before you pull it out.  You are so comfortable with who you are and what you like and I admire that in you.

You tell me everyday how much you love me and my baby girl, I love you too.  I can't wait for the adventures of four but before they start, I want to pause, just for a moment to soak up everything you are now; fierce, loyal, loving and kind.  I want to remember the way you stroke my face in the morning, the feeling of your arms around my neck as we are re-united after nursery, the way you climb straight into my lap the moment I sit down, the way you try and read along with me when I tell you a story, just murmuring sounds as you haven't yet mastered all the letters.  You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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Tomorrow You Are Five

It has been a long week since your brother's birthday, you have checked several times a day how long you have to wait for your birthday but we are on the final countdown now as when you wake up tomorrow morning you will already be 5.  I still remember it so vividly, you were the quickest of my babies to arrive, a whirlwind of a labour and a whirlwind of a child but somehow you seemed such a calm baby in the middle.  

We never dreamed you would be where you are now, you are learning to read and write and practicing this skill all over my walls.  You are in love with letters and have such a desire to learn and you bounce happily into school every morning now.  I wasn't convinced you would settle this easily and you definitely make sure they know you are there, but I can't believe how much you have learned in such a short time.  

You are still full of energy, someday it radiates out of you and you need to be walked regularly.  We are still trying to find the best way to channel it sometimes but we are getting there.  You love water in every sense from swimming, to just playing with it as you wash your hands and the quickest way to get both you and your sister out of trouble is to offer you a bath.

You are still incredibly close and I see how you impact each other. As a nearly 5 year old you have joined in with her love of all things pink, rainbow and unicorn and you can't resist sparkly things either.  You are rough and tumble but you can be so kind and caring when you want to and you alternate between wanting to wrestle with her and wanting to protect her.

At 4 you are loud and proud, you love to dance and make music, you are happy as the centre of attention and you are excited about everything.  You are so grateful when you receive gifts and thankful when you get your way.  You still want to eat chicken nuggets and chips for every meal though, we might be working on that one for a while.

You are wild, overflowing with personality, soft and cuddly.  You are going to change the world, we just don't know how yet and I hope that as a five year old you stay true to yourself, not caring what other people think, living your best life.

Tomorrow I will take a moment to remember how far you have come, how you have beaten the odds, proved everyone wrong and what an amazing little person you have become.  

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Seven

It gets me every year when I check out Timehop and see that on this day I was working my last shift before maternity leave, that seven years ago I was a mother of one.  I had no idea what was in store for me when you arrived the very next day and you still take me by surprise all the time.  As I put you to bed for the last time as a six year old, the excitement for the morning already evident in your face, I can't help but look back on the year that we have had.

Six was the year that you finally got the hang of reading.  I knew it would come but you took your time, having little interest in letters and books, but then it arrived out of the blue, that recognition that you could understand those letters and you started zooming through the book bands at school and getting so much more confident with it every day.  Sometimes I think you would have been so much more suited to the later starting schools in other countries.  

Six was the year you changed your mind and rather than wanting pink, gold and every other colour, you just wanted black.  You have asked me to only buy you black clothes from now on and whilst part of me is a little sad about that, I love that when you make your mind up about these things you are so certain.

Six was the year you grew taller every day, or so it feels, your limbs lengthened and you look so much ganglier than the little children at your school.  You are in your final year now, one of the oldest ones in the school and I can see that.  You lost your first two teeth and your face has already started changing because of it.  

You still sing all the time, mostly George Ezra - Shotgun and you burst into song when I least expect it.  Sometimes it is a normal voice but other times you sing something very normal in a screamy-death-metal kind of voice and it scares me just a little! You are still very into how things feel and you went as far as taking your own pillowcase on holiday in case theirs wasn't soft enough.  You always have blankets attached to you or around you and everything has to feel right before it gets your approval.

I can see how much you have grown up in the last year and you make me proud every day (as well as driving me crazy most of them too!).  You are determined, loyal, loving and wild and so unapologetically yourself.  You still love cuddles and I am dreading the day that stops.  You would live with a gaming controller in your hand at all times if you had your way but once we get you away from a screen you always throw yourself into life fully.

I can't wait to see seven year old Archie in the morning and I am sure it is going to be an exciting year for you as you leave your infant school in the summer and head to a new junior school in September.  

Before you turn seven, as I kiss you for the last time as a six year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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Nun Night Seven Year Old

It has been an unusually late night for you tonight as we were travelling across Croatia and it is very hard to wear a seven year old out in the car, especially when you had a little late snooze too and I think the excitement of arriving somewhere new and choosing which bed to sleep in means you have forgotten for a little while that it is your birthday in the morning, although that seems unlikely considering we have been on a countdown for weeks with the number of sleeps until you are eight.

I can't quite believe that I will have an eight year old in the morning, it seems so much older than seven, but then when I look back at you a year ago, you really are so much older.  Seven was the year you completed year 3 and you are heading into year 4 when you return to school.  It was the year you really gained more confidence swimming and you continued to challenge stereotypes and be who you are.

You recently changed your career aspirations and now you want to be a fashion designer.  You have been drawing me beautiful dresses and I am definitely on board with this one if you can make me some nice clothes! You are still as in love with Pokemon cards and playing Pokemon Go and you still love all things computer games and the struggle to balance that which I spoke about in last year's post hasn't changed.  

You are so tall, taller than all your friends yet you are still so sensitive and incredibly clumsy at the moment which makes me worry another growth spurt is coming! Your feet haven't grown all year and your trainers are looking so worn now but I keep waiting for your feet to grow - it will probably happen as soon as buy you new shoes of course!

You love spending time with your friends, you have a fascination with learning more about the world but you have lost the enthusiasm for learning at school which you need to rekindle.  We sat and talked about geography and the equator this week for ages but when it comes to reading you aren't interested despite the fact you are more than capable and should be working at a much higher level according to your teachers.  I am hoping that eight is the year you work out that reading is fun and we are trying to find the right book to start that journey.  

Seven was a year of cementing friendships, growing up and of still staying young too. You are a wonderful human being and I am so proud to be your Mummy.

Sleep tight my gorgeous seven year old, for tomorrow is a big day 

Love Mummy xxxxxx

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The Night Before Three

Tonight I put you to bed in your own room, the last time as a two year old but before I had made it to the bottom of the stairs I heard you dart out and climb into my bed where you would much rather be and sure enough I found you snuggled up in the middle waiting for me when I went up to check on you. 

It was your last day as a two year old which means tomorrow is the day you have been talking about for so long, your birthday.  It started with a small crowd, you wanted to invite Elsa from Frozen, Archie and his best friend, a horse and a spotty dog, but now you spend the day listing all the friends and people you want to come along, with your best friend Freddie always being top of the list. You know exactly what you want and I love that strength in your character (most of the time). Unfortunately what you want most for your birthday is a pet dog so you may be a little disappointed in the morning!

This has been the year you made close friendships, found the things and people you love and learnt to pull the best sulking face.  Everything is pink and ideally fluffy and My Little Pony features heavily and you talk about your brothers like you own each one of them.  Collectively they are 'my boys' when you mention them and you love picking Finn up from nursery so you can hold hands on the way home. 

You are so fiercely independent in your actions, you dress yourself, you put on your own shoes, you can do it all, but you only want to do anything if I am there. You get upset if I ever leave the house without you, even just to take the boys to school and you want to be within touching distance of me at all times, preferably on my lap. I thought this phase would have ended by now but it is showing no signs of slowing down!

You have big feelings and you understand so much. You tell me you are sad, or worried or ever so happy and you greet me with such love every time I come back from somewhere, even the bathroom. You are cuddly and affectionate with everyone and even though I have told you many times that we always ask before stroking a dog, I see you put your hand out for a quick 'fluff' when we walk past any.

You are cheeky and mischievous, your hair is always wild and you strip off at any opportunity.  You are such a 'girly girl' in so many ways but you are always grubby, covered in felt pen and getting stuck in too.

Everything I said in this letter as you turned two, and this one as you turned one still applies, you are still so much the same character, just with more dimensions each year.  I can't wait for the adventures of three but before they begin I want to pause, just for a moment to soak up everything you are now. I want to remember the feeling of your arms round my neck, your nose against mine. I want to remember the way you take care of me when I feel ill, the way you tell me that I am your best friend, completely unprompted, the way you make me feed your teddy in the morning before you have your milk. You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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Tomorrow You Are Four

Oh Finn, there is so much I can say about you as a three year old, you are just overflowing with personality.  There is nobody quite like you and I can't believe we have been lucky enough to have you in our lives for four whole years as of tomorrow.  

Nothing about you has been easy since those difficult few weeks in special care when you were born.  The challenges are always changing but we know we have you and you definitely keep me on my toes! You are happy, enthusiastic, full of life and a born performer.  This was the year you developed 'The Finn Show' where you sing, dance and do tricks for us, the year you realised you can sing and shout louder than anyone else in the house and we joke that you would be a great back up tannoy system for a large supermarket.

You love nursery and do three school days a week now which you scoot to with excitement.  You are so sociable, so interested in everything and desperate to explore.  You have finally decided glasses can be worn and you are pretty good at keeping them on most days now.  When you get cross they are the first thing to be thrown across the room though so we are sticking to the bendy plastic frames a little longer!

You insist on things being on your terms and you only eat your favourite foods, you walk off if you have finished and you are not giving in at bed times without the biggest fights.  We are trying to 'pick our battles' but you are very good at creating more. That said you can also entertain yourself well, be loving and kind, share well and be beautifully behaved when you want to.  Finn, you are destined to go far and I know you will change the world one way or another.

There are only a few months now until you start school and I can't work out how you got that big when those curly haired baby days seem so recent.  You and your sidekick are going to really miss each other although you have adapted better to being apart for nursery now.  You and Cora have a special relationship and sometimes you seem more like twins. She absolutely adores you and you are always up to more mischief when you are together.  You think of anything placed out of your reach as a challenge and if the pair of you go quiet I can usually find you somewhere near a tap!

You have the biggest smile and the biggest heart, you are so excited to see people, you opened presents after your party with a huge grin and squeals of joy and you haven't stopped talking about having your friends there.  

Tomorrow I will take a moment to remember how far you have come, how you have beaten the odds, proved everyone wrong and what an amazing little person you have become.  

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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