The Night Before Seven

You have been counting down to your birthday since Alexa told you it was 100 days away and I can't wait to see your excitement in the morning when the day is finally here.  We have a badge ready for you to wear to school tomorrow and a party with your friends planned for this weekend.

Six was the year you seemed to finally grow after being small for so long.  You are still one of the shortest in your year, but your limbs seem to be stretching out and all the clothes that always seemed too big are now looking short.  Six is your last year at infant school and you are getting ready to leave it behind next month and start at a new one in September.  

Six was the year dogs were finally knocked off the top of your 'favourite things' list (although you would still love to have one as a pet).  Animals are still your biggest interest, but Izzy's Koala World has pushed the Australian marsupial up to top spot on your list.  It is an ever changing top 10 animals list and so I wouldn't want to try and write it down as it may have changed by tomorrow.

Rex is still your favourite brother and you are excited to see him every time we collect you from school.  You look up to Dylan a lot too and like to support the same football team as him.  I think you quite enjoy being the only girl in a gang of boys.

You are kind and creative, messy and wild, so very girly and one of the boys all at the same time.  You are observant, motivated and full of joy and spending time with you is a privilege. 

I can't wait to see what seven is going to bring! But before the adventures of seven begin I want to stop for a minute and soak up everything you are now.  The freckles that pop out as soon as the sun starts shining, the love of that black velour sequin dress - even when it is completely inappropriate to wear, the way everything is special and needs to be kept, including the back of a receipt that we played noughts and crosses on.  I want to remember the way you always wait for your friend to be picked up from school so you can walk home together, the way you want to look after me and the way you know your own mind so completely.

You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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The Night Before Six

For the first year since you learned to speak, you didn't ask for a pet dog . . . it was a pet bunny this time.  You are still my little animal lover but we are expanding the interest slightly now as you approach six.  Your birthday wish list is full of cuddly animals that you would like and I hope you love what we have chosen for you.

Five was the year you became a big sister, the year you stopped being the youngest and I was unsure how you would take it, having been the baby for so long.  I shouldn't have worried as the love for your baby brother is immense. He is your favourite person and you want to be with him all the time.  I am not sure if he adores you or is terrified sometimes but he is a lucky boy to have such a caring big sister.

The whole dynamic of a house changes with the introduction of a new person but you have kept your role as boss.  I love the way you try and parent your brothers, sharing your sweets with them if they have done something good to earn a reward and always being supportive.  You are kind and I hope that value will take you far in life.

As you come to the end of your second year in school, you have made some lovely friends and we had a party today with them.  I love watching the way you interact with them and seeing your confidence grow.

Five is the year you started sleeping more in your own bed, although you still sneak in mine wherever you can.  It is the year you decided you can exist almost exclusively on pasta and the year you started to really get the hang of reading, although your favourite subject is always art.

I can't wait to see what six is going to bring! But before the adventures of six begin I want to stop for a minute and soak up everything you are now.  The force of your cuddles, the way you pretend to be asleep with a big grin on your face, your insistence that everything is so special, even when it is rubbish.  I want to remember the way your hand feels in mine at this size, the grin with missing teeth and the drama every time a new one is wobbly, the way you like to dress with as many patterns as you can fit in each outfit (ideally animal themed).

You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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The Night Before Five

This evening has started the same way each birthday eve does, with me re-reading all the birthday letters I have written to you over the years.  Every year I find myself wanting to write the same things, but each year I feel like I know you a little better, I see more dimensions to the fantastic character you are.

It is the fourth birthday in a row that you have asked for a pet dog and I love that you don't give up on your dreams.  Unfortunately for you we still have no intent on getting one, but I hope you love the things I have chosen for you.  We are having a little party tomorrow, it has to be very limited numbers as there are already 6 of us before adding anyone else,  but you can't wait to have your friends in the garden.  We missed this last year and now you are coming to the end of your first year of school and I think it is going to be really special seeing your friends outside the classroom.

You are still tiny, some of your friends are head and shoulders taller than you, but you are fierce and determined, you know who you are and what you want and your confidence shines.  You still love everything dog and tell anyone who will listen that you are going to be a vet with a pet dog when you grow up.  You stop pet owners to tell them how beautiful their pups are and always choose animal themed clothing when you have a choice.  

Four was the year you started in Reception and you have settled in so well.  You haven't had the biggest interest in the academic side of learning but you have loved the art and crafts, spending time with friends and everything else.  It doesn't matter how I send you in, you come out looking wild, mud all over your top, paint all over your shoes and sometimes a fresh plaster too.  You throw yourself in and are not afraid to get dirty.  You refuse to have your hair tied up and pull it out quickly if I attempt it and you are still naked as often as possible at home.  You still sleep in my bed most nights, you still want to cuddle to sleep and you insist on a kiss and cuddle if one of us leaves home without the other.

You are my little sidekick and you fit perfectly in our family.  I couldn't imagine you with a sister but you boss around your brothers and have Daddy wrapped around your little finger.  You are messy and wild but so incredibly kind and caring.  You are always keen to share with your boys and always looking out for others.  

I can't wait for the adventures of five, we are going to have so much fun, but before they start, I want to pause for a minute and soak up everything you are now.  The way you call for me out the blue, just to tell me you love me, waking up to you snuggled up in the middle of my bed, still looking so small, the way your hair flies behind you as you scoot at speed, the poses you pull as soon as a camera comes out and that belly laugh that makes you throw your head back. 

You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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The Night Before Four

As usual, bedtime has been a battle.  I don't know if it is the situation with lockdown or if you just don't need so much sleep but every night you are the last one awake, desperate to spend every moment  you can with me.  I wake up each morning with your face pressed up against mine as you have climbed up into the middle of our bed in the early hours.

I have just re-read the post I wrote on your last night as a two year old and I could easily copy and paste it all as you really haven't changed much.  For the third year in a row you have asked for a real dog for your birthday and for the third year in a row you are going to be disappointed in the morning. Your back up ideas were squirrel chocolate or a McDonalds happy meal so you can definitely have one of the three! You are so wonderfully loving and grateful though so I had confidence that whatever we chose for your special day would be appreciated.

You are the girliest girl in some respects, you love all things pink and fluffy and I could see over lockdown how much you missed playing with other little girls.  At the moment your favourite things are The Lion Guard and The Lion King, anything with dinosaurs or dragons and your baby dolls.  You collect small things, parts of toys, individual characters from sets and you keep them in little boxes and play with them that way.  You have the most random collections but they obviously make sense to you and you love to play.

At three you loved to draw and write and you are doing so well with both.  You really surprised me the first time you wrote your name out the blue without copying anything and since then you have written it everywhere.  You love to draw pictures of people and dragons and I think you are going to love this side of school when you start in September.  You are the opposite of your brothers here who all preferred numbers at your age.  

You are kind and loving, you make friendships easily and talk about your best friends all the time.  When we go out you gravitate towards other children and will strike up a bond with anyone.  Your three best friends are all going to big school with you and I hope you carry on so close.  You may be one of the youngest and smallest starting school in a couple of months but your personality won't be.  

You would rather be naked at all times and your hair trails behind you, usually looking like you have been dragged through a hedge backwards.  You will rarely tolerate a hairband and if so it won't be long before you pull it out.  You are so comfortable with who you are and what you like and I admire that in you.

You tell me everyday how much you love me and my baby girl, I love you too.  I can't wait for the adventures of four but before they start, I want to pause, just for a moment to soak up everything you are now; fierce, loyal, loving and kind.  I want to remember the way you stroke my face in the morning, the feeling of your arms around my neck as we are re-united after nursery, the way you climb straight into my lap the moment I sit down, the way you try and read along with me when I tell you a story, just murmuring sounds as you haven't yet mastered all the letters.  You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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The Night Before Three

Tonight I put you to bed in your own room, the last time as a two year old but before I had made it to the bottom of the stairs I heard you dart out and climb into my bed where you would much rather be and sure enough I found you snuggled up in the middle waiting for me when I went up to check on you. 

It was your last day as a two year old which means tomorrow is the day you have been talking about for so long, your birthday.  It started with a small crowd, you wanted to invite Elsa from Frozen, Archie and his best friend, a horse and a spotty dog, but now you spend the day listing all the friends and people you want to come along, with your best friend Freddie always being top of the list. You know exactly what you want and I love that strength in your character (most of the time). Unfortunately what you want most for your birthday is a pet dog so you may be a little disappointed in the morning!

This has been the year you made close friendships, found the things and people you love and learnt to pull the best sulking face.  Everything is pink and ideally fluffy and My Little Pony features heavily and you talk about your brothers like you own each one of them.  Collectively they are 'my boys' when you mention them and you love picking Finn up from nursery so you can hold hands on the way home. 

You are so fiercely independent in your actions, you dress yourself, you put on your own shoes, you can do it all, but you only want to do anything if I am there. You get upset if I ever leave the house without you, even just to take the boys to school and you want to be within touching distance of me at all times, preferably on my lap. I thought this phase would have ended by now but it is showing no signs of slowing down!

You have big feelings and you understand so much. You tell me you are sad, or worried or ever so happy and you greet me with such love every time I come back from somewhere, even the bathroom. You are cuddly and affectionate with everyone and even though I have told you many times that we always ask before stroking a dog, I see you put your hand out for a quick 'fluff' when we walk past any.

You are cheeky and mischievous, your hair is always wild and you strip off at any opportunity.  You are such a 'girly girl' in so many ways but you are always grubby, covered in felt pen and getting stuck in too.

Everything I said in this letter as you turned two, and this one as you turned one still applies, you are still so much the same character, just with more dimensions each year.  I can't wait for the adventures of three but before they begin I want to pause, just for a moment to soak up everything you are now. I want to remember the feeling of your arms round my neck, your nose against mine. I want to remember the way you take care of me when I feel ill, the way you tell me that I am your best friend, completely unprompted, the way you make me feed your teddy in the morning before you have your milk. You will never be this small again.  The clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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The Night before Two

It has come around so quickly, your second birthday,  I feel like I was still saying 'only just one' just a few weeks ago and now suddenly you are turning two and I can't believe how big you are! You are my last baby and you are leaving the baby days behind rapidly. I was reading the letter I wrote to you one year ago today and it seems like so long ago you were that tiny!

Cora, you look so angelic with your blue eyes and blonde hair but it hides the fierce little girl you actually are.  You are so incredibly smart and so determined.  You know exactly what you want and you know how to get it.  You are so full of personality making us all laugh every day and you are so full of sass making us despair at the same time.  We are already dreading the teenage years.

This was the year you learned to talk, to walk with confidence and run.  You are desperate to scoot like your brothers and I think you will love your birthday present tomorrow! You are caring and your favourite toy is a 'baby' doll. I watched you at playgroup as you sat baby in the jumperoo and made its hands push the buttons.  You love playing Hide and Seek too although your hiding spots need some work and you look adorable covering your eyes shouting ' seven, eight, nine, ready not, come!'

One was the year we ditched the daytime nappies and bought the tiniest pants we could find for you.   It was the year you discovered your love for Blaze and the Monster Machines and the year you and your littlest big brother became partners in crime, intent on ruining my house and driving me crazy!

You are happiest with company but you are only really happy if you have your Mummy and she isn't for sharing.  If your brothers give me cuddles, you come up desperate for one, squeezing your arm in between them and me.  You are definitely a Mummy's girl.

Tomorrow marks two years of breastfeeding and we are still going strong! You don't feed so much in the day anymore and you are sleeping through the night, but you still feed every night before bed and every morning before anything else) and often a couple more times in the day too.

Tomorrow we will be celebrating all day with a little party in the garden for your friends at lunchtime and a bbq in the evening with your family.  I hope you have the best day surrounded by people that love you.

These photos were taken by the awesome Wishes and Wellies when she came to visit us this week.

I am loving getting to know you better as you find your voice, watching you grow and seeing the person you are becoming.  Two is going to be such a fun year! But before we start on that next adventure, I want to pause for a moment to remember how wonderful you are right now.  How you waited up for me tonight so you could fall asleep in my arms. How wild your hair looks as you sleep, spread across your pillow, the way you cuddle Chase close.  I want to remember how you wake up unsure of what is more urgent, coming and checking on me, and going to see Finn.  I want to remember how needed I still feel by you in every sense.  The way you angrily say 'self' if I try and help you with something you don't need help with, the way you shout Now with such urgency and your bartering 'Milk first' every time I ask you to do something.  You will never be this small again, the clocks will move forward and so will you but I never want to forget this wonderful stage in your life.

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know

xx

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The night before One.

Baby girl, tonight you fell asleep in my arms, the same way you have every night, for 364 nights.  Your eyes closed slowly and your face looked calm and content as you lay snuggled up on me drinking your milk.  It is these moments when you seem most like that new baby still, so small, so dependent on me.

Tomorrow is your first birthday, at 12:31pm, just as we will probably be eating our lunch, you will be turning one.  It doesn't seem possible that a whole year has passed, I still remember parts of your birth so vivdly - walking up and down the stairs, bouncing on the ball, chatting to the midwife as I paced up and down the living room.  I remember the fear, the strength and the love that came immediately.  I remember snuggling up on the sofa as the midwives packed away, studying your tiny features and wondering how I was going to cope as a girl-mum after 4 years of raising boys.

And now we are here, on the night before you turn one and you are asleep right in the middle of my bed.  It turns out parenting a girl, or parenting this girl is a bit different.  You know where you want to be, and that is right next to me.  You want to be carried in my arms or in the sling, you want to sit on my lap as you play, hold my hands as you walk and sleep curled up in my arms where you feel safe.  You are the only baby of mine to still be in my bed at a year and whilst I miss the space and the sleep, I love falling asleep with your head on my arm and waking up to your smile.  

You are determined in a way that your brothers weren't and you are the first one to take steps before your first birthday.  You have eight teeth (far more than the others did at this young age) and you still rely heavily on breastmilk, although you are definitely getting the hang of food a little more now.  You have the cheekiest smile and you adore your brothers.  You are so loved.

We don't have much planned for your actual birthday, but we have already thrown a big party for you yesterday and I think you enjoyed being surrounded by your family and friends.  Tomorrow is just us, you have a couple of gifts to open and I am sure we will have some more cake (as it is all but compulsory on birthdays).  I can't believe that we are here already, so close to one, but we are.  

This first year has been perfect.  I have loved getting to know you, learning how to parent you, watching you interact with your brothers and discover the world.  I know the next year will be full of new milestones, that you will change so much again, so I just want to pause time, just for a little bit.  I just want to remember you now, as you are, spread out like a starfish in the middle of the bed, your chunky thighs on show as the evening is warm.  I want to stop just now, whilst you are still the perfect size to fall asleep in my arms, whilst you still need my hand to walk more than a couple of steps, whilst you still hold your arms up to me for a cuddle.  Let us stop, just to make sure this moment is etched as a memory forever, for you will never be this small again.

And now we must start the time again, for your brothers are impatient to help you with the present opening, because you can't stay small forever, there are too many mountains to climb and milestones to conquer.  

Baby girl, you are more loved than you will ever know.  

xx

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