Day 11- Daddy Day Care

For 6 months, Dylan has only had my milk, i have changed most of his nappies, cuddled him when he cried, and without fail put him to bed every night.  For 6 months, I have been there for everything, occasionally going out when he is tucked up in bed, to come home before he wakes up, and on two occasions leaving him when he is awake, the longest time being for 2 hours.


The first time I left him, he was 3 months old, and I went to a friends baby shower, where it was quite acceptable to talk about babies and show off his latest pictures.  I came home to find the baby and the bloke sat in silence, completely shattered from the crying and him refusing to sleep, so much so that the moment I picked up the baby he sank into my arms and fell straight to sleep.


On a night out I find it nearly impossible to refrain from getting the phone out to show him off, and it is amazing how many conversations you can turn to baby products, baby food or babies in general.  To all my friends - I apologize.


Saturday night (I am late in writing this), I went to work.  I am still on maternity leave, but was completing a 'keeping in touch' day to get us used to being apart (I think me more than the baby), and to get the bloke used to doing it alone.  I had to leave home at 4pm, which meant the bloke not only had to give the baby milk, dinner, and a bath, but put him to bed.


Kissing him goodbye and watching his little face as I left was heartbreaking, and I hovered outside the front door for a few seconds almost hoping to hear the cry that says 'mummy, I need you' but it never came.  I lasted two hours at work before I sent the text to check up, and when one came back saying he was clean, fed and fast asleep I was both happy and sad, happy that he was behaving, and that I don't need to worry about going out any more, but sad that someone else could fill my role as 'baby putting to bed-er'.  Luckily a busy shift kept me from worrying too  much, but every child that came in made me miss my own.


When I did get home the bloke was there to greet me with a massive smile on his face.  As a mother I like to worry when really, they can cope without me for a few hours just fine! So Dylan's new thing today was being put to bed by his Daddy, and mine was learning to leave him.


I understand that many people have no sympathy for me having to leave him after 6 months as the 39 week maternity leave is relatively new.  My parents generation had only 18 weeks, and no paternity leave, and many people are forced to return to work only a short time after having a baby for financial reasons, but I think whenever you first leave your child will always be hard.


I never wanted to work when having small children at home, I want to be there to see them grow up,  to see their first steps, hear those first words, to take them to school and pick them up but I will return to work two days a week when my maternity leave is up in April.  I think modern finances and lifestyles mean being a SAHM is much less common than it was 30 years ago, and this a shame. Just need to work on winning the lottery now!