Two in The Morning

Somehow a whole year has passed since I wrote a birthday letter to you on the eve of your first birthday, and tonight I am preparing to wake up and celebrate you turning two.  It seems like no time has passed since last November, but when I look at the pictures I took of you then I see how much you have grown in this last year.

As a one year old you were funny, cheeky, cuddly and determined.  As you approached two you started practicing your tantrums and you know exactly what you do and don't want.  Your language is coming along so much now but I see the frustration in you when we don't understand the word you are saying yet.  All the important ones (chocolate, biscuit, ice cream, chips) are pretty clear, but there is so much you want to communicate that we still haven't mastered and I am looking forward to you being able to express yourself more so we can get to know more about the little boy you are turning in to.

You sleep in your own cot now for at least the first half of the night.  You are absolutely a Mummy's boy still and feel safest with me, but you go to nursery in the mornings and you are settling well.  So much has changed for you this year and you now live in a new house, in a new country without your familiar family and friends, but you have coped so well with the move and you are settling into this new life.  

As you turn two you can walk, run and climb.  You can sing the alphabet song (with some missing letters) and you are forever asking for another book.  I packed a selection to bring out here, but I am regretting not bringing more as I am bored of all the books we have now!  You love being outside, watching Cocomelon (especially the wheels on the bus song), cooking in your toy kitchen and anything to do with a football.  You could spend all day watching the traffic and pointing out every bus, lorry and bike and you get very excited by animals of all kinds.  You are the final piece of our family that we didn't know we needed and you are so loved by all your siblings.

It feels like you are so new still, and like you have always been here.  Sometimes I am excited for you to reach the next stages and other times I miss the baby days but most of the time I try and appreciate where we are now, because you are changing every day, turning from a baby into a toddler and I know it won't be long until you stop saying 'nimp' when you want a drink and those other funny words we love.  

You have nursery in the morning and the others leave so early for the school bus, but we are going to celebrate in the afternoon with a trip to your favourite park and a cake and presents at home in the evening.  Before the fun begins, I need to go and stroke your cheek as you sleep and kiss your head for the last time as a one year old, for when you wake you will be two.

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Nun Night Eleven Year Old

You have grown so much as an 11 year old, in every way.  You are the main character in your story, you have an active life away from me and I feel like I am letting go a little bit more each week as you seek out independence and forge your own path.  You are confident without me always there, you are capable and you always make me proud.

I think 11 is the last year I will be able to look down at you as you must be around 5 foot 6 and you are wearing a size 9 shoe now.  There is still so much youth in your face and the way you walk though that I still see you as a child.  11 was the year you started caring a little more about what you wear (although as long as it is Adidas or a football shirt you still aren't that fussy).  It is a weird tween age where you have left behind so much of the child but you still have so much growing to do.

At 11 your passion is football.  It's come from nowhere and is all consuming and you want everything to be football based. You wanted the new FIFA game, football shirts and football training gear for your gifts, and of course anything with Liverpool FC on it.  I love seeing how enthusiastic you are about it all and how much time you spend outside because of the new hobby.

As an 11 year old you have been great company.  You can be sensible, helpful and chatty (you can also be none of these things depending on the day of course).  You are better at walking away from fights with your siblings (again, depending on the day) and we can see how important for you having your own space is as you reach this next stage in your life.

It is the last year before you officially become a teenager and I am looking forward to adventures with you both big and small this year. 

I know twelve is going to be a busy year with so much change but I want to stop and enjoy you whilst you are still littler than me, because I know how many lasts are coming as you start needing me less.  You are clumsy, frustrating, intelligent, loud and wonderful and no matter how big you get, you will always be my baby.

Sleep tight my gorgeous eleven year old, for tomorrow is a big day

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Tomorrow You Are Eight

It is the eve of your eighth birthday, although it feels like you are already eight, we have been talking about this for so long.  This year it is all about football and Arsenal in particular and I think you are going to love your Saka shirt in the morning.  You have been looking forward to this birthday and counting down for months and I hope it is as special as you are.

 

It feels like you have really grown up a lot as a seven year old.  Whilst impulse control is never going to be your strong point, you have definitely matured in your emotions and communication and you are lucky to have such wonderful and supportive friends.  You have started junior school and absolutely love it. After a tricky end to Infants, I think the new challenges of a new school are exactly what you needed and I hope you continue to thrive there as an eight year old.

You seem to have moved away from the rainbows but definitely still like being bright, although anything with a gaming slogan or football gear is now what you pick from your wardrobe.  You still love a disco jacket though which makes me happy.

You are intelligent, capable, determined and so completely yourself.  You are vibrant, so incredibly loud and you are loving.  You frustrate me, push all my limits and bring me such intense pride and I can't imagine life without you.  

We have a climbing party with your friends tomorrow and then a family party which means lots of cake and lots of excitement and you can't wait!

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Ten

Ten sounds so much bigger than nine, but then you are so much bigger.  You are growing up and it is only in looking back that I realise how far you have come.  In little ways you are becoming more independent and getting new freedoms and I feel immense pride watching you grow. 

You are an introvert, hard to get to know (a battle I think we will have with each new teacher) but wonderful when you do.  With those that know you, you are playful and loving, loyal and kind.  You come alive when you are skiing, you are bold and confident and so full of joy that I want to move to the mountains with you. When you are passionate about something it radiates from you and is impossible to ignore.

You don't want to cuddle as much now you are growing up.  You are comfortable setting boundaries and you are confident in your own beliefs.  You are still happiest snuggled up in a blanket with a gaming device in your hand.  You feel injustice strongly and are certain that you will make good decisions as you hit the teenage years - let's see if that happens! 

In some ways you are still the easiest child - not old enough to be asserting too much independence and not young enough to need too much help but I don't want you to ever feel lost in the middle.  Being part of a bigger family has its pros and cons and I hope you always feel special and unique.  You still absolutely adore your baby brother (even if you could take or leave the rest of the gang) and you love teaching him new skills and celebrating his milestones.  You are so protective of him - something I should have expected as you have always been kind and loyal.  

I like to re read all your birthday posts on the night before and see how much you have changed but also how much you have stayed the same, completely true to who you are. You are an amazing person and I am so lucky to be your Mum.

Before you turn ten, as I kiss you for the last time as a nine year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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One in The Morning

It feels like you have only just arrived, I still think of you as a little baby in most ways, but life without you seems so distant a memory too.  You are the baby we didn't know we needed to complete our family and tomorrow my tiny boy, you turn one.

You may have no idea what a birthday is but your siblings definitely do.  Cora told everyone we saw in the supermarket today when we were out buying party food that it was your birthday tomorrow.  The boys ask about what you want, who your friends are and whether you will be allowed some cake and every one is is getting excited whilst you remain oblivious.  Being the youngest of five means there are a lot of people delighted about your milestones.

A year ago I had no idea you were about to arrive, I thought I had a few more days still. You were born on Saturday evening after a very quick labour and you were just perfect.  7lb 13oz of healthy baby boy, you looked like all your siblings and completely unique at the same time.  You were alert, you took me in as I memorised every part of you and I remembered how quickly a heart can grow.

This year you have changed from that tiny baby who just needed to be held to a much bigger baby who still needs to be held.  You feel safest in my arms and we still haven't spent more than about 3 hours apart.  You still rely heavily on breastmilk and you have no intention of sleeping anywhere other than in my bed for the foreseeable future. You are a complete Mummy's boy, although your love for music means Daddy is becoming much more interesting.  You press all the buttons on the speakers to let us know you want a tune and then bounce up and down dancing in delight when we turn something on.  You are inquisitive, cheeky and determined. 

I thought you would be early to walk as you were crawling and cruising by 9 months old but you have no interest in taking unaided steps yet.  You are much more interested in crawling up the stairs as fast as you can, giggling all the way and making sure someone is chasing you up.  You say Dadada and Mamama and something that sounds a lot like no.  You love music with your Daddy but with me you love books (two very happy parents if this continues).  You have 8 teeth and the dribbling is starting back up again so I am sure there are more to come.

As your birthday falls on a weekend, we are having a party on the day.  After your siblings have helped you explore your birthday gifts, we will head to the same hall where Archie and Finn had their first birthday and we will share cake with the people that love you.  I can't wait to celebrate what a little boy you are becoming, but before that moment I need to stop and take in everything you are now. The tiny boy curled up beside me as I write this is only going to get bigger, smarter and more independent and whilst the days might seem long at times, I know how lucky I am to get to spend them with you in my arms.  On your last night as an 11 month old, I want to give you an extra cuddle, a bonus kiss and let you know how loved you are.

Tomorrow my tiny boy, you will be one! 

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Tomorrow You are Seven

You started counting down to this birthday as soon as Christmas was out the way, asking Alexa each morning how many days until February 25th.  I hope that tomorrow is everything you hope for.  It is your first birthday spent at school, something you are really happy about, and we have a friend coming back for a sleepover after wards so excitement levels are through the roof.

Six has been a long year - it feels like a lifetime ago that we were celebrating the end of you being five, just the six of us in our house as we were in full lockdown.  This year your world has opened back up and we are free to see friends and family.  As a six year old you welcomed your new baby brother with love and affection and became the 'middlest of the middles', with two younger and two older siblings.  

When I look back at what I wrote last year, so much of it I just want to repeat because you are that same boy, just taller, smarter and louder.  You are so intelligent, so capable and so desperate to learn, but only on your terms.  You still love music and feel it in your whole body, and you are currently planning for a career as a ninja.  You are determined, focused and I have no doubt you will get where you want to be, one way or another.  You are head strong, stubborn and know what you want.  You aren't always (ever) easy to parent, you push me to my limits, but loving you is so rewarding and I am forever grateful to be your Mummy.

Every year on this day I like to look back at pictures of how small and poorly you were, to think over what the doctors told us as we sat in special care and to remember the journey we have been on together.

Finn, you are a force of nature.  You are vibrant, confident, overflowing with personality and the world needs to be ready for you.  You frustrate me regularly but you make me proud just as often.  I hope you never stop being so unreservedly yourself.  You have come so far, you have proved everyone wrong and I will take a moment tomorrow to really remember what an amazing little person you are.

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Nine

I feel like turning Nine has crept up on us, probably because of the strange year we have had.  I just re-read the post I wrote this time last year and I am so grateful that things have changed in the past year.  Whilst we are still in a pandemic, the world has opened back up and you have reclaimed your childhood from it.  Unlike last year where we weren't allowed to see anyone outside our house, we have spent today trampolining and eating out with a big group of friends and you have a party planned with both your friends and with your family.

As an eight year old you have been certain, loving, outraged at every injustice done to you, full of love and quietly contemplative.  You became a big brother again and you refused to look at his photo when he was born, wanting to wait instead to see him in real life.  You adore your brother, you are wonderful with him and I am eternally proud of how you handle it all. I love watching you interact with him, desperate to teach him, trying to copy the way I talk to him.  You are the easiest child in some ways, not desperate to be the centre of attention, not as talkative as the others, not as big or bold or needy and I hope you never feel like you get less attention because of this because my love for you could not be bigger or bolder or louder.

As an eight year old you still love black, blankets, computer games and cuddles but you have recently started loving books more too (as long as you have someone to read to) and your favourite place ever is the arcades. You don't always want to talk, but you love company and you are still quicker to tell me what you don't like instead of what you do.  

I want to remember how kind and loyal you are, how deeply you love, how you are so big and so small all at the same time,  the way you talk, those features that are starting to change and give me an idea of how you will look as a teenager.  I want to remember eight year old Archie before you change again.  

Before you turn nine, as I kiss you for the last time as an eight year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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Tomorrow You Are Six

The countdown began the day I told you that you were officially five and a half and you can't wait to be six.  You have had a huge growth spurt this year and I often forget that you aren't already.  For a boy who was diagnosed with failure to thrive, who didn't outgrow his newborn clothes for months and who was such a little baby, you are turning into a tall boy (122cm last time I measured you) and I think you are going to be more like your biggest brother with this.

Your year of being five has been characterised heavily by a global pandemic which has forced you to spend a lot more time in the house than is natural for you.  Mostly, you have taken it in your stride but I have seen recently just how fed up of it all you are, and I can't wait to send you back to school so you can have the social interaction you so desperately need. This year I have had so much bonus time with you and whilst you can be incredibly hard work to parent, you are also so full of love and affection, you make me laugh every day and I am so thankful that I get to be your Mummy.

Five was the year you really learned to read and every time we share a book I see how fast this skill is coming on.  Whilst you are reluctant to engage in the home learning that your school provides, I know how capable you are and I have no doubt that you are learning all the time and your love of learning will continue with the right environment.  

You know what you want and you won't accept anything else, you are head strong, stubborn, determined and focused.  You are going to go far . . . if you want to.  You eat only the foods you want and there is no persuading you otherwise, you learn only when you want to and you understand the power of an impromptu nap to get you out of things.  You love to dance and your moves involve every part of your body.  You love listening to music and I see how you feel it all.  You would spend all day either gaming or watching other people gaming on youtube and you struggled to think of what you wanted for your birthday other than 'two cakes'. With it still being lockdown, I am much more willing to go along with this.

You are so excited to have your birthday, even though it will be nothing like what we are used to.  I want it to be special for you, I want you to smile and laugh and feel birthday joy all day and my dream is that when you (finally) fall asleep tomorrow night, probably snuggled up in my arms, that you go to sleep content and happy.

Finn, you are a force of nature.  You are vibrant, confident, overflowing with personality and the world needs to be ready for you.  You frustrate me regularly but you make me proud just as often.  I hope you never stop being so unreservedly yourself.  You have come so far, you have proved everyone wrong and I will take a moment tomorrow to really remember what an amazing little person you are.

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Eight

It is a birthday unlike any other this year, something I have been trying to prepare you for, but when I confirmed that your birthday would definitely be spent in lockdown, I saw your face drop.  You have been so brave this past year, you have put up with so much, lost out on so many things and you were clinging on to this looming birthday.  I hope more than anything that I can bring some magic to you tomorrow despite everything.

As a seven year old you entered life in a pandemic and lost out on the ability to see your friends, go to school and live the life you had been, but still I have watched you grow and mature and change.  You lost a front tooth and it immediately changed how you look.  The new one is growing in so much bigger, giving me a tiny glimpse of the man you will one day be, with a smile so big that the tooth fits in perfectly.  Your hair is getting longer and out of control but you are still holding out for the day the barbers open again and not risking a Daddy haircut! You are growing taller so quickly and whilst next to your biggest brother you look quite small, you are actually not small at all.  

You still love computer games, the colour black, wearing blankets instead of clothes and cuddles, and after hating books and reading for so long, you now love being read to.  I had stopped at one point as you protested constantly but now you ask for extra chapters every night and I hope some time soon you will start wanting to read more of these stories yourself.  

I see how this pandemic has affected relationships and I see how much you miss your friendships but I want you to know that even if you don't get to see all the people you want to, you are loved by so many.  I have planned some 'online play dates' for you tomorrow so you can game with your friends and I am hoping that schools can reopen in three weeks and you can see them in person too.  Birthday parties are such an integral part of childhood and it breaks my heart to know how much you wanted one this year.  I offered you a summer birthday party if we are allowed and you have already made the guestlist. In the meantime we will throw a party just us, with the siblings who have had to become your best friends over the past year and I have a few sweet surprises too. You have asked for cinnamon bagels instead of a birthday cake and you don't really like chocolate but you can't get enough of sweeties!

There are so many things I want to remember about you at seven.  How kind you are, how you care so deeply about those you love.  The way you can't sit still, the way you cuddle in close, arms around me.  The way you don't want a bath until you get in, and then you would spend all day in there if I didn't make you get out.  The way you can always tell me what you don't like easier than what you do like, the silent way you appreciate things and the joy when you really process them later on.  You are funny and sweet and I couldn't love you more.

Before you turn eight, as I kiss you for the last time as a seven year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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Nun Night Eight Year Old

The countdown started earlier than ever this year, I think with every passing year the excitement grows and unfortunately you will always be the last of your friends to have a birthday.  We are here though, I have just tucked you in for the last time as an eight year old and you will wake up nine, probably another inch taller and a little bit more grown up again.

Over lockdown you felt a bit younger again, you played more with toys and with your siblings once we took away friends and the social normalities but as things start to lift, as you find a social side of your gaming, as you went back to school for a few weeks, I saw you grow up again and we are caught in the middle now, two sides of you, the boy who is still my baby and the child who is racing towards independence and maturity.  

Eight was the year you seemed to learn more about the world, to understand things a bit better and to ask interesting questions.  It was the year you gained such amazing confidence skiing and I have seen recently how much you have progressed in swimming as you finally choose to swim in the sea after years of rarely going in past your ankles.  Eight was the year you started to think more about your future and your school report shows me how much you have been trying at school.  I still haven't managed to get you loving books but I will never give up trying.

This year your birthday is a bit different.  Lockdown is lifting and we can do much more than we could, but we still can't celebrate in the same ways and you are happy with a smaller party and a special family day out.  You have asked for a gaming headset so you can talk to your friends as you play on the x-box and you can't wait to connect.

These photos are from yesterday, we went to the beach after dinner and you wanted to go swimming in the sea and practice treading water.  You weren't that deep when I took these but you are turning into such a water baby and I love that.  You were so happy.  I find it hard to capture photos of you as you get older but I see you so clearly in these.  You are my son, my baby boy and my friend and I love getting to spend time one on one and learn more about you.

9 is going to be a big year, school is going to be different, everything will be different and year 5 is important in an area where you are expected to sit the 11+ in the first week of September (when you will have only just turned 10).  I know you are strong enough to cope with everything, you have a brilliant attitude to life and you can't wait to get stuck in to learning again.

Eight was full of fun but I think nine is going to be an exciting new adventure for you, I can't wait to be part of it.

Sleep tight my gorgeous eight year old, for tomorrow is a big day 

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Tomorrow You Are Five

It has been a long week since your brother's birthday, you have checked several times a day how long you have to wait for your birthday but we are on the final countdown now as when you wake up tomorrow morning you will already be 5.  I still remember it so vividly, you were the quickest of my babies to arrive, a whirlwind of a labour and a whirlwind of a child but somehow you seemed such a calm baby in the middle.  

We never dreamed you would be where you are now, you are learning to read and write and practicing this skill all over my walls.  You are in love with letters and have such a desire to learn and you bounce happily into school every morning now.  I wasn't convinced you would settle this easily and you definitely make sure they know you are there, but I can't believe how much you have learned in such a short time.  

You are still full of energy, someday it radiates out of you and you need to be walked regularly.  We are still trying to find the best way to channel it sometimes but we are getting there.  You love water in every sense from swimming, to just playing with it as you wash your hands and the quickest way to get both you and your sister out of trouble is to offer you a bath.

You are still incredibly close and I see how you impact each other. As a nearly 5 year old you have joined in with her love of all things pink, rainbow and unicorn and you can't resist sparkly things either.  You are rough and tumble but you can be so kind and caring when you want to and you alternate between wanting to wrestle with her and wanting to protect her.

At 4 you are loud and proud, you love to dance and make music, you are happy as the centre of attention and you are excited about everything.  You are so grateful when you receive gifts and thankful when you get your way.  You still want to eat chicken nuggets and chips for every meal though, we might be working on that one for a while.

You are wild, overflowing with personality, soft and cuddly.  You are going to change the world, we just don't know how yet and I hope that as a five year old you stay true to yourself, not caring what other people think, living your best life.

Tomorrow I will take a moment to remember how far you have come, how you have beaten the odds, proved everyone wrong and what an amazing little person you have become.  

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Seven

It gets me every year when I check out Timehop and see that on this day I was working my last shift before maternity leave, that seven years ago I was a mother of one.  I had no idea what was in store for me when you arrived the very next day and you still take me by surprise all the time.  As I put you to bed for the last time as a six year old, the excitement for the morning already evident in your face, I can't help but look back on the year that we have had.

Six was the year that you finally got the hang of reading.  I knew it would come but you took your time, having little interest in letters and books, but then it arrived out of the blue, that recognition that you could understand those letters and you started zooming through the book bands at school and getting so much more confident with it every day.  Sometimes I think you would have been so much more suited to the later starting schools in other countries.  

Six was the year you changed your mind and rather than wanting pink, gold and every other colour, you just wanted black.  You have asked me to only buy you black clothes from now on and whilst part of me is a little sad about that, I love that when you make your mind up about these things you are so certain.

Six was the year you grew taller every day, or so it feels, your limbs lengthened and you look so much ganglier than the little children at your school.  You are in your final year now, one of the oldest ones in the school and I can see that.  You lost your first two teeth and your face has already started changing because of it.  

You still sing all the time, mostly George Ezra - Shotgun and you burst into song when I least expect it.  Sometimes it is a normal voice but other times you sing something very normal in a screamy-death-metal kind of voice and it scares me just a little! You are still very into how things feel and you went as far as taking your own pillowcase on holiday in case theirs wasn't soft enough.  You always have blankets attached to you or around you and everything has to feel right before it gets your approval.

I can see how much you have grown up in the last year and you make me proud every day (as well as driving me crazy most of them too!).  You are determined, loyal, loving and wild and so unapologetically yourself.  You still love cuddles and I am dreading the day that stops.  You would live with a gaming controller in your hand at all times if you had your way but once we get you away from a screen you always throw yourself into life fully.

I can't wait to see seven year old Archie in the morning and I am sure it is going to be an exciting year for you as you leave your infant school in the summer and head to a new junior school in September.  

Before you turn seven, as I kiss you for the last time as a six year old, I want you to know how truly loved you are.

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Nun Night Seven Year Old

It has been an unusually late night for you tonight as we were travelling across Croatia and it is very hard to wear a seven year old out in the car, especially when you had a little late snooze too and I think the excitement of arriving somewhere new and choosing which bed to sleep in means you have forgotten for a little while that it is your birthday in the morning, although that seems unlikely considering we have been on a countdown for weeks with the number of sleeps until you are eight.

I can't quite believe that I will have an eight year old in the morning, it seems so much older than seven, but then when I look back at you a year ago, you really are so much older.  Seven was the year you completed year 3 and you are heading into year 4 when you return to school.  It was the year you really gained more confidence swimming and you continued to challenge stereotypes and be who you are.

You recently changed your career aspirations and now you want to be a fashion designer.  You have been drawing me beautiful dresses and I am definitely on board with this one if you can make me some nice clothes! You are still as in love with Pokemon cards and playing Pokemon Go and you still love all things computer games and the struggle to balance that which I spoke about in last year's post hasn't changed.  

You are so tall, taller than all your friends yet you are still so sensitive and incredibly clumsy at the moment which makes me worry another growth spurt is coming! Your feet haven't grown all year and your trainers are looking so worn now but I keep waiting for your feet to grow - it will probably happen as soon as buy you new shoes of course!

You love spending time with your friends, you have a fascination with learning more about the world but you have lost the enthusiasm for learning at school which you need to rekindle.  We sat and talked about geography and the equator this week for ages but when it comes to reading you aren't interested despite the fact you are more than capable and should be working at a much higher level according to your teachers.  I am hoping that eight is the year you work out that reading is fun and we are trying to find the right book to start that journey.  

Seven was a year of cementing friendships, growing up and of still staying young too. You are a wonderful human being and I am so proud to be your Mummy.

Sleep tight my gorgeous seven year old, for tomorrow is a big day 

Love Mummy xxxxxx

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Tomorrow You Are Four

Oh Finn, there is so much I can say about you as a three year old, you are just overflowing with personality.  There is nobody quite like you and I can't believe we have been lucky enough to have you in our lives for four whole years as of tomorrow.  

Nothing about you has been easy since those difficult few weeks in special care when you were born.  The challenges are always changing but we know we have you and you definitely keep me on my toes! You are happy, enthusiastic, full of life and a born performer.  This was the year you developed 'The Finn Show' where you sing, dance and do tricks for us, the year you realised you can sing and shout louder than anyone else in the house and we joke that you would be a great back up tannoy system for a large supermarket.

You love nursery and do three school days a week now which you scoot to with excitement.  You are so sociable, so interested in everything and desperate to explore.  You have finally decided glasses can be worn and you are pretty good at keeping them on most days now.  When you get cross they are the first thing to be thrown across the room though so we are sticking to the bendy plastic frames a little longer!

You insist on things being on your terms and you only eat your favourite foods, you walk off if you have finished and you are not giving in at bed times without the biggest fights.  We are trying to 'pick our battles' but you are very good at creating more. That said you can also entertain yourself well, be loving and kind, share well and be beautifully behaved when you want to.  Finn, you are destined to go far and I know you will change the world one way or another.

There are only a few months now until you start school and I can't work out how you got that big when those curly haired baby days seem so recent.  You and your sidekick are going to really miss each other although you have adapted better to being apart for nursery now.  You and Cora have a special relationship and sometimes you seem more like twins. She absolutely adores you and you are always up to more mischief when you are together.  You think of anything placed out of your reach as a challenge and if the pair of you go quiet I can usually find you somewhere near a tap!

You have the biggest smile and the biggest heart, you are so excited to see people, you opened presents after your party with a huge grin and squeals of joy and you haven't stopped talking about having your friends there.  

Tomorrow I will take a moment to remember how far you have come, how you have beaten the odds, proved everyone wrong and what an amazing little person you have become.  

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Six

Tonight you have been practising your six year old cuddles.  You have told me that they start becoming 1% less good from every year now, that you peaked at age 5 but I still think they will be the best cuddles ever because most people that know you agree that cuddling is one of your special skills. Tonight I put you to bed as a five year old for the very last time as tomorrow you will wake up six.

This time six years ago, I had no idea you would be arriving soon.  I was convinced I would go overdue and had no signs that you were ready.  You were born at 7:30 am the next morning and you were so laid back and easy going from the very beginning.  We were home in time for lunch and you settled on my chest and stayed there for many months.  Now you are growing up so quickly, finding your own friends and hobbies and developing strong opinions on the things that matter - like what colour shoes you need.  You are not afraid to make a choice that is a bit different and you are, as I write every year, unapologetically yourself.

Five was the year you declared that gold was your favourite colour (followed of course by pink), it was the year you discovered Minecraft and it took over your every thought.  It was a year of fun and friendships and you have such a wonderful group.  You were five when you started in year one, and even though the changes had been gradual, I couldn't work out how you managed to look so big next to the little children who started in reception.  There seemed like far more than a few months between you and them.  I saw your height, your confidence, your speed and your maturity properly.

Archie, my baby boy who isn't really a baby, I can't wait to see how much fun you can have as a six year old.  I hate the idea of you growing up too fast as you are at such a wonderful age right now, but I feel so privileged to watch you becoming yourself.  

I have been re-reading the 'before you turn' letters that I write to you every year and so much is still the same.  You are still so caring, looking out for other people and making sure everyone is ok. You still are happiest naked, you burst into song at the most random moments and you come out with some fantastic comments.  You love company and would have a friend round every day after school if we let you.  You don't like being in a room by yourself and always seek out someone to be with you.  You are funny, smart and bright eyed and we all love you so much

Before you turn six, as I kiss you for the last time as a five year old, I just want you to know how truly loved you are.

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Tomorrow You are Three

It was just after 2:30am that you entered the world and you felt like a little secret because everyone was still sleeping.  We didn't want to wake them to share the news, we didn't want to post anything on facebook yet so we just sat and adored you for those first perfect hours.  By the time the rest of the world was rising from their slumber, alarm bells were starting to go off in the heads of doctors and nurses in the midwife unit and everything got a bit more complicated after that.

I can still remember that perfect stillness though when three years ago it was just us and you were so tiny.  I imagine the nurses and doctors would be amazed to see you now as you charge headfirst into life as a three year old without looking over your shoulder once.  All those things we were told you may never do have been done and so many milestones have been met. Two to three was the year you got louder, clearer, more articulate and more able.  This year you learned to count higher and recognise numbers written down.  This year you started nursery and you do six hours a week, running in and leaving with a big grin on your face.  This year you fell in love with scooting and you are rarely seen without one in your hands and this year you realised truly what an amazing playmate you have in your little sister, and how much more trouble you can cause when you are together.

I said last year in my letter before you turned two that every family has different parts that make it whole, every member brings something unique and indispensible and you, Finn, are our smile.  This still describes you completely.  You have the most expressive face and your smile lights up everyone around you.  Your laughter and enthusiasm is infectious and everyone you meet falls in love with you the same way we do.  You know how to show love and your reaction when I return after just a trip to the shop makes my heart burst.

Of course you are coming out of the terrible twos and heading into what appears to be the threenager stage.  You took the term terrible two and ran with it and you have lived up to every stereotype.  You are difficult, impulsive, determined and not afraid of consequences.  If we serve up a dinner you don't fancy then you walk away, refusing to take a bite and let's not even start on the glasses (which you need to wear full time and won't even allow near your face at the moment).  You are the hardest work out of all your siblings and you challenge us every single day.  I can't pretend it has been the easiest year with you, but we have loved watching you grow up, learn and play.  

You adore your little sister and your bond is so special.  You play your own little games, you cuddle up on the sofa to watch Blaze and the Monster Machines and you love to feed each other yoghurts.  If she isn't there you look for her and she hates when you go to nursery.  You are always up to mischief together and I worry that she will make you look like an easy two year old!

You are going to challenge anything that gets in your way, you are going to move mountains and you are going to change the world one way or another.

Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Before You Turn Five

You have reminded me all day that you won't be any different tomorrow, just a bit bigger but tomorrow you turn 5 and today as we ventured into London I was reminded of the little changes that will bring.  It was the last day you will travel for free on public transport because tomorrow you will be counted as a child rather than an infant.  As with everything, you are taking it all in your stride though and you told me 'kid tickets are only a pound Mummy, don't worry'.

Four was the year you started school and you have grown and thrived.  You settled in so easily, making friends, learning lots and finding your place.  You are neither desperate to go or reluctant, you have just accepted school and you enjoy it.  Four was the year you got glasses and you accepted them easily too, after picking just the right pair (and dismissing the other 100 as 'not cool enough').  They have Avengers on the side and we now have three pairs the same dotted around the house.

I have been reading the letter I wrote to you this time last year and it still describes you completely.  You are still exactly the same, unapologetically you, determined, loyal, loving and wild.  You are happiest with company and you and Dylan are definitely a pair, playing so amazingly together, sharing imaginations and scrapping constantly of course too.  You still adore your baby sister and you play with Finn as a last resort, but when you do give in, you play so lovely together.

You make us laugh every day,  you burst into song when we least expect it and you are still naked at any possible opportunity.  You love Pokemon, scooting, cheesestrings and family and we all love you. 

Never stop being you.

Before you turn five, as I kiss you for the last time as a four year old, I just want you to know how truly loved you are.

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Nun Night Five Year Old

My baby boy, I don't think I have much longer of you allowing me to call you that.  This year you have grown in so many ways and you are so ready to turn six tomorrow.  You are the last of your friends to have a birthday and it seems crazy that some of them will be turning seven in just a few short weeks.  This year you have really cemented your friendships and you have a great group.  

This year you have grown physically, you are so tall and your feet have finally gone up a size after not growing for 18 months.  Your first two teeth came out a few weeks ago and in their place there are already two big teeth.  The novelty of wobbling and waiting has worn off now, although you are a big fan of the tooth fairy and her ability to bring you money whilst you sleep.

I feel like I have been waiting forever for you to fall in love with reading and I think we are finally getting there.  You learned to read so early and you have always been great at it, but you stopped wanting to do it at home and I refused to push you.  This last week you have been enjoying reading chapters of your library books though and I hope this is the start of it.  I loved reading at your age and I still do now, so I hope you find that same passion.

Five has been the age of Star Wars, an obsession despite the fact you have never seen any of the films.  It has been the start of joke telling, the age you discovered slapstick comedy, the beginning of computer games and minecraft and the year you have begged for your own tab on a daily basis.  Five has been a year of independence as you started pouring your own cup of milk, making your own breakfast and crossing roads without holding my hand all the time.  Five was the age you started riding a bike, and hopefully you will love the shiny green one we have wrapped up for you in the morning.

I struggle to understand how it was nearly 6 years ago that you changed everything, yet I sit here writing this, exhausted from a day at the beach with you and you three younger siblings and I smile at what you started.  I wasn't a mother until you came along.

You don't feature as much on the blog as you once did, you are too busy with school in the week and you don't always want your photo taken as much when you are at home.  You are still the inspiration for why I started blogging though and I still want to document these changes as you grow older.  You don't stay still for long either and I was left with either slightly blurry photos or some very interesting expressions to choose from for this letter!

My baby boy, tonight I put you to bed as a five year old for the last time.  You have never been more excited for your birthday, never spent quite as long counting down, never had such expectations and I hope tomorrow is perfect for you.

Sleep tight my gorgeous five year old,  for tomorrow is a big day.
Love Mummy xxxxxxxx

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Before you turn Four

At three you can still be considered a toddler, but Archie, when you wake up you will be four and I will have to admit that that phase of your life has passed.  The countdown to school has began and you are ready for it in so many ways.  Really, you stopped being a toddler quite a while ago but behind the excitement of each new stage, I am reluctant to let go of the last one.

Three was the year we cut off your beautiful hair and I cried real tears in the middle of the hairdressers.  I have found peace with your new style and it suits you.  You are never mistaken for a girl anymore, it doesn't get in your face as you run and hair washes are so much easier.  It was the right choice (I will begrudgingly admit) but I did love your long blonde locks.

Every year you change so much and I can see quite how much you have grown since I wrote to you one year ago.  You are still exactly the same though, unapologetically you, determined, loyal, loving and wild.  I wrote as you turned two about how you were happier with your brother around and that is still true - you fit in perfectly in our big family, a playful little brother and a loving big one.  You and Dylan are the best of friends (although you fight like only brothers can), you and Finn are becoming real playmates now and you are so caring with Cora.  I look at the photos from the day before you turned one and I still recognise those expressions, that you.

You are happiest naked and have refused to wear any form of pyjamas or clothes around the house for a while now.  You have no problem snuggling under a blanket with me though, warming your icy feet on my skin and cuddling in close.  You still love to cuddle and I have to admit you give the best cuddles.  You can cheer me up in seconds with you arms around my neck and I dread the day you stop wanting to be so close. 

Your imagination has really developed this year, you talk absolute nonsense sometimes and you and Dylan are often in your own world together.  I love listening at your door after I put you to bed as you stay up and chat and watching you playing with your Lego, singing made up songs as you do.  This imagination did lead to the 'Mystery bandit' in our house who was responsible for all kinds of mischief and was never seen at the same time as you.  He has thankfully gone now although things are still blamed on him (by all members of the family).

As a three year old you became a big brother (again) and took it all in your stride as you always do.  You are wonderful with Cora and she is a lucky little girl to have you as a big brother.

At three you were bright, sociable, loving, energetic and bold.  You have learned to concentrate on things a little better, sit still a little longer, climb a little higher and communicate a little clearer.  I can't wait to see what adventures four has in stock for you.

Before you turn four, as I kiss you goodnight for the last time as my three year old, I just want you to know how truly loved you are

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