She always offers to babysit, even when we didn't even know that we want to go out, and when she does, she does our washing up. Any of my friends will tell you that I am not a house proud woman. I actively avoid housework and keep my house clean enough to be healthy, but not tidy enough to really have visitors. I do the washing up when I have run out of clean items for the purpose and moving onto bottle feeding has meant that this is a lot more often than previously.
Nonetheless, I do not expect any one else to do the washing up (except the bloke) and was shocked the first time that I came home from a night out with the bloke to find my kitchen sparkling. I put it down to a one-off boredom, but since the first time, my mother has insisted on doing the washing up every time she is here. So my question is, is she doing it through love and affection, and the desire to make my life easier, or does she think I am failing in my role as a mother?
Admittedly I should probably be a little better at keeping on top of things. Dylan is still at the age where he naps in the day, and other than blogging, my evenings are not particularly busy, but usually I spend his nap times either napping with him, or getting myself ready for the day and eating in peace. When he is awake we are too busy playing or out and about, and by the time the evening comes, I really can't be bothered!
Does anyone else have parents that like to clean up after them still? Does it make me a bad mother/daughter?
I also actively avoid housework, in fact for me, when I was doing my temp contract, working full time while the husband donned his SAHD hat, one of the best things was the fact he is amazing at keeping on top of the housework and I didn't have to lift a finger.
ReplyDeleteMy family know what I am like. In fact, my Uncle joked about my lack of domestic goddessness in his speech at my wedding blessing. I honestly believe some people are just naturally more house proud than others.
Obviously I don't know your mother but from what you have said I would just think is she being helpful and would hate to think you feel that she may be trying to suggest you are failing in any way.
I think she is just being helpful, I just get a bit paranoid. Mostly paranoid that she is going to read this now!
DeleteGlad I am not the only one allergic to housework
My mum has done this for me before too! I am now lucky enough to own a dishwasher which is the best thing since sky plus! But she has washed up and cleaned my kitchen before. I think in my case she just wanted to do it and she probably assumed if been too busy with baby to do it. When he was newborn she came over to do my washing and change my bedclothes too! I think our mums are just trying to be helpful probably with the memory of when we were small that they had alot to do and little time and would have appreciated help themselves!
ReplyDeleteDishwasher may well be the answer to most of life's problems! When we move will definitely look into one of those but we have no space here. Glad there are other helpful mums out there too
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I remember as a child that my grandmother used to drop by and pick up my mum's massive pile of clean washing, and return it the next day beautifully ironed and folded. If my own mum didn't live on the other side of the globe, I would be dropping some pretty big hints right now :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like I should just be grateful for my lovely mum then
DeleteMy mum is the same and when she comes to stay she always does something, like stack or unload the dishwasher, fold e pile of clean washing I've thrown on a chair, vacuum! I do try and stay on top of things but with H being so active I can hardly find time so it is appreciated, but does make me feel like I should be dojng it myself.
ReplyDeleteI guess no-one is forcing them to do it so it must come from love. Glad I am not the only one!
DeleteHow reassuring to read this. Years ago when I only had one child, he stayed with my Mum overnight. When we picked him up the next day she'd washed and ironed all the spare clothes he had with him. Which were clean anyway. And she washed his coat. At times it's helpful and sometimes it feels undermining. At very worse it could be sending a 'message'. These days I have three and she has other grandchildren too so it doesn't happen so much. I often wonder whether I'm a bit touchy about these things, nice to see other people have this tricky situation to deal with too.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like everyone has help from their parents, we are a lucky lot! Very reassuring I agree
DeletePlease don't worry about being a good mother/daughter. It sounds to me as if you have your priorities exactly right. You clearly put spending time with your child at the top of your list. Everything else is secondary.
ReplyDeleteI have a problem with OCD which means I'm obsessed with keeping a clean and tidy house, and while I always put my baby first it means that I spend every other free moment I have doing housework, and it is exhausting! Every time baby naps, instead of resting I clean! As baby only naps for 30 mins at a time it means I'm run ragged trying to do it all. Life is too short to keep an immaculate house, or waste time worrying about it. I say get help when you can ( I wish I could allow myself to accept help), and don't worry. You are doing a great job!
I have the opposite of OCD, I love messy play with D and encourage him to play with his food. Not sure this is the best policy! At least you have blogging as a bit of 'you' time
Deletei think she is just trying to help you out... don't feel guilty! my mum always vwashes up when she comes over... i try and make sure i say thank you lots and get her some chocs/flowers every so often. mummies are the best : )
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