Parenting My Way

I have been a parent now for over 5 years, not long compared to many but long enough. Long enough to have worked out a little bit about the parent I am and the parent I want to be. long enough to have made mistakes, to have done things I am not proud of, to have researched choices, to have seen advice change, to have learnt through trial and error, to have come to peace with most of my methods.

There is so much judgement in parenting, so many labels that we put on ourselves or others, so many different ways to do what we consider to be the best thing for our babies. 

After 5 years I have learnt my limits many times over, and then broken them. I have found where I fit, even if it doesn't really resemble any particular style of parenting but my own.

I feel passionately about breastfeeding, I wouldn't be without my sling, I bring my baby into my bed at night, I don't let them cry. these traits do not define me but they are part of me, choices I make that influence my everyday life. 

The term attachment parent seems so harsh when you wonder whether other parents are unattached? gentle parenting is fine unless you call others harsh parents.  Why do we need labels other than 'trying her best' because I like to believe that this is not only my style but every other Mama I knows.

I doubt my decisions every day. I feel guilty that the children don't have enough one on one time, that they have eaten too much processed food, that they have watched too much TV, that I got cross when I shouldn't, that I laughed when they fell, that other mums are doing this whole parenting thing better than I am. I think we all feel like this at times, I think that is how we know that we are doing it right, that we care.

With each child I have become more confident to trust my instincts.  Dylan was the baby who had my complete attention, but Archie benefitted from a more relaxed Mama.  Finn was parented by someone with more experience and Cora was born into a house filled with Love.  

Five years isn't long really, but it is long enough to know the kind of parent I want to be, it is long enough to find some kind of peace with my decisions, security in my beliefs and to find a wisdom that helps me see the bigger picture sometimes where I used to struggle. I am making this parenting thing up as I go along really, and I am just doing it my way.

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Having it All

Now I really believe that we can have it all . . . just not all at the same time. I think there is more pressure than ever to be perfect now, there are pinterest boards full of how to have a beautiful home, and instagram only backs up the fact that everyone else has a tidier house than mine.  There are blogs full of perfectly dressed, well behaved children, facebook shows me craft projects and baking that other parents have done with their children and of course these children are running around outdoors, getting their daily quota of vitamin D and fresh air.

All the while, the parents hold down a job, a marriage, friendships and have hobbies.  It must be easy to have it all, or that is how it can sometimes feel.  

The thing is, there is usually more to it than that.  Those stunning instagram images of breakfast in bed usually have the child who is bouncing on your feet cropped out, as well as the pile of dirty washing.  Well, they do in my house anyway.  I record the things I want to remember, I write a blog so that my children can look back and see the good times, the happy faces, the adventures we had together.  The washing up is real enough every day that I have no desire to record and talk about it online as well.

Last month, we hired a cleaner.  I have always wondered what kind of people have a cleaner and I now know exactly who - real people.  I have three small children, only one of which is old enough for an education, I have a job, and a blog, and a social life and a relationship and all of that (plus a love of Netflix) doesn't really leave any time for scrubbing my bathroom tiles and cleaning out the kitchen cupboards.  The washing baskets are overflowing, there is often crumbs under the dining room table and my boys want to go out and explore.

I admire the mothers who seem to do it so well, and I remember what I am good at.  Art in my house consists of water painting, colouring in and other less messy pastimes.  Baking is not a word the children understand.  They do know adventure though, they know we will always go out, that I would pick the park over painting anyday.  They know they are loved more than anything and really that is the most important thing.  There are many boards on pinterest that I flick straight past, but there are plenty that I use for ideas  and inspiration too.

My house is never going to be tidy, it looks 'lived in' at best, but it is our home regardless.  It is full of our clothes, toys and the remnants of our fun.  It is slowly getting better now though (with the help of a cleaner for a couple of hours on a Tuesday morning!).

I can't have it all, at least not right now, but I can have enough.

Do you have a cleaner?  Would you if you could?

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The Mummy Adventure

I do my best thinking when I am walking.  It seems so cruel that I feel at my most creative when I don't have an opportunity to record it and I often compose whole blog posts in my head that I cannot recreate at all when I finally put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard.  This is one of those.

After two years and three months of recording our lives, I thought I would explain why I called my little space on the internet 'The Mummy Adventure'.  I have touched on it in the past, but I wanted to try and put into words the thought behind the name.

I don't think being a mother is a job.  I don't see it as a role or an occupation.  I see motherhood as a journey, an adventure.  It doesn't matter if your child was planned and longed for or a careless accident after a few too many tequilas on a Friday night.  It doesn't matter if it took 10 years of trying, hormone treatments and IVF or those two blue lines appeared completely unexpectedly.  It doesn't matter if your child has your genetics or not.  That first time that you touch those tiny little fingers, the first time you see those ten precious toes, the first time you hear those little lungs announcing his arrival, that is the very first day.

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A Mummy to Boys

My first pregnancy was completely unexpected, and I was still busy getting my head around the fact that I was going to be having a little person to look after when my 20 week scan took place.  Nervous and excited, we decided to find out the gender, although all my instincts told me that we would be buying blue.  The scan proved me right, and I busied myself planning a life for us and our baby boy.

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'That Mum'

 I am 'that mum'. 

The one who dresses her children in silly outfits for her own pleasure.  I know full well that by the time they reach their teens they may hate me for all the photos, but I am hoping that it gives me a bit of levarage when we are battling about homework to threaten to expose the picture of them as a baby in bunny ears.

I doesn't help that there are so many gorgeous little outfits out there nowadays.  

If we were not supposed to dress our babies up then they really shouldn't sell these things!

What are your views on babies in silly outfits?

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Guest Post - Trouble times Two

I have a wonderful guest post today from the lovely Rachel at Three Years and Home.  Rachel will have two little boys from early next year as well and much like me is wondering what she is letting herself in for! 

           Like Bex, I already have one troublesome toddler on my hands who will turn two at the end of this month. Just as things started to calm down at the end of last year and we settled him in to a routine that both my husband and I could cope with, those pesky hormones took over and persuaded us that yes, now we get time to eat meals while they are still hot and enough sleep to not render us exhausted come 3pm, let’s go through it all again! So come January, our family of three will become a more complete four. We’ll have two little boys on our hands; trouble times two!

Looking back to when CK was born, I can’t believe how overwhelming everything was. Was I feeding him enough? Was I changing him enough? How often should we bath him? Should I entertain him every waking moment? Could I take a shower while he sat in his bouncy chair? Was it okay to leave him in the playpen while I popped to the kitchen to make a cup of tea? Not to mention the horror of him refusing to be weaned before 7 months and not sleeping through the night until 14 months. And everywhere I turned, I received conflicting information. It was hard not to panic.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and now I can say that essentially, I worried for no reason. This has made me determined to take a more relaxed approach with trouble number two. I have more of a sense of what to expect and now know to just let things happen. Baby’s take their own time to develop and while books are great for general ideas, they’re not to be relied upon religiously. 

I am a little concerned that my husband and I are going to lose our tag team approach during the tough times. Two versus one is great to see you through the nights of teething and illness where you can work in shifts. With two wanting and needing our attention, I imagine there’s going to be very little rest in our small apartment. I picture myself snatching a mere moment to take a shower with trouble number two settled in the bathroom in his cradle and trouble number one pulling back the curtain every second to play peekaboo. It might not be glamorous, it might not always be fun but right now, I can’t wish for anything more. 

I am definitely going to be more relaxed second time around as Dylan has taught me that they all do things in their own time and worrying doesn't do anybody any good! You can find Rachel on twitter as farfromhomemama 

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Playing with a nine month old

I am always looking for ways to keep my nine month old entertained without spending too much money.  He has plenty of toys, but what he really loves, is household objects, or anything that I have used.  Nothing has ever been as interesting or as entertaining as a bus ticket after I have showed it to the driver, and he managed to spend almost an hour playing with a plastic disposable nappy bag (I know he shouldn't play with plastic but he loved it!) after a nappy change the other day too (A clean bag of course)

So I thought I would put together a list of ways we play with household items.

The Scarf

After a nappy change, I grab a scarf (I may have a little scarf shopping addiction) and run it over his body.  As soon as I start to shake it I can see the excitement building up and he loves it going over his face, feeling the tassles stroke his skin.  If you have a variety of scarfs, you can do it with different materials and tassle types.  It never fails to get him squealing and giggling.

The Bottle.

We have a random bottle which

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