Parenting My Way

I have been a parent now for over 5 years, not long compared to many but long enough. Long enough to have worked out a little bit about the parent I am and the parent I want to be. long enough to have made mistakes, to have done things I am not proud of, to have researched choices, to have seen advice change, to have learnt through trial and error, to have come to peace with most of my methods.

There is so much judgement in parenting, so many labels that we put on ourselves or others, so many different ways to do what we consider to be the best thing for our babies. 

After 5 years I have learnt my limits many times over, and then broken them. I have found where I fit, even if it doesn't really resemble any particular style of parenting but my own.

I feel passionately about breastfeeding, I wouldn't be without my sling, I bring my baby into my bed at night, I don't let them cry. these traits do not define me but they are part of me, choices I make that influence my everyday life. 

The term attachment parent seems so harsh when you wonder whether other parents are unattached? gentle parenting is fine unless you call others harsh parents.  Why do we need labels other than 'trying her best' because I like to believe that this is not only my style but every other Mama I knows.

I doubt my decisions every day. I feel guilty that the children don't have enough one on one time, that they have eaten too much processed food, that they have watched too much TV, that I got cross when I shouldn't, that I laughed when they fell, that other mums are doing this whole parenting thing better than I am. I think we all feel like this at times, I think that is how we know that we are doing it right, that we care.

With each child I have become more confident to trust my instincts.  Dylan was the baby who had my complete attention, but Archie benefitted from a more relaxed Mama.  Finn was parented by someone with more experience and Cora was born into a house filled with Love.  

Five years isn't long really, but it is long enough to know the kind of parent I want to be, it is long enough to find some kind of peace with my decisions, security in my beliefs and to find a wisdom that helps me see the bigger picture sometimes where I used to struggle. I am making this parenting thing up as I go along really, and I am just doing it my way.

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50% Mum, 50% Dad?

So we all know that technically babies are made up of half of the mother's genes and half of the father's, but sometimes it is very hard to tell.  Since Dylan was born, we have constantly been told that he is the spitting image of his dad, and I see what they mean- they definitely have a lot in common.  It is only recently that people can see elements of me in him.

From his Dad

His hair- He was born with plenty of hair round the back of his head, and very little on top, much like his father has now.  Popular opinion says that you end up with the hair you are born with, so bald babes end up as bald old men, or wispy old ladies whilst the hairy babes are those old women with plaits down their back.   I am not sure exactly what truth is in this, but I am thinking that the baby will end up going bald from the centre out, much like the bloke.

Dylan at 5 days old with his Daddy

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What to do?

I love my mum, she is such a kind, loving, wonderful person.  She will go out of her way to help anyone and everyone and rarely stops to do things for herself.  She has been kind enough to offer to have Dylan one day a week while I go to work as well, which makes my life so much easier as shift work and childcare don't go well together.

She always offers to babysit, even when we didn't even know that we want to go out, and when she does, she does our washing up.  Any of my friends will tell you that I am not a house proud woman.  I actively avoid housework and keep my house clean enough to be healthy, but not tidy enough to really have visitors.  I do the washing up when I have run out of clean items for the purpose and moving onto bottle feeding has meant that this is a lot more often than previously.

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