Thursday 28 April 2016

When Pregnancy is Tough

I have spent three pregnancies feeling overwhelmingly happy.  I skipped the morning sickness, the heartburn and the strange cravings, I grew a bump perfectly round and all out front and managed to enjoy pretty much every moment.  Of course there were bits that were tough, I lost sight of my feet pretty early on, I got out of breath walking up hills and I got really tired.  Overall though, I sailed through those first three pregnancies, I loved the whole experience and couldn't wait to do it all again.

This fourth one though, it isn't the same at all.  From the beginning this pregnancy has been tough, there have been more tears and more pain than the other three combined.

I still don't have it bad, somehow I managed to skip the nausea and morning sickness for the fourth time and for that I am ever grateful, but the first trimester tiredness was just debilitating.  I could barely function as a human let alone a parent and our house descended into chaos as I thanked the TV gods that Blaze and the Monster Machines was on pretty much constantly on Nikolodeon.  Toys piled up, washing overflowed, dishes were left dirty for far too long and bed sheets were rarely washed.

I felt like I should be enjoying our little secret, this fourth and very much final baby I was growing, but instead I just felt tired, overwhelmingly tired.  The first trimester problems seemed to clear up slightly at around 16 weeks and I had a few weeks of respite, but way before I reached the final trimester, things started to get tough again.  I am not getting any younger, my body has carried four babies in four years, my pelvic floor muscles may not be as strong as they once were and this little madam I am growing is already rather large.  My back started to struggle first, and rather than taking it easy, I chose to power through, something I am now regretting.

Somedays I am fine, others I can barely walk by the evening, the bottom of my back aches, I feel bruised and heavy and this baby is nestled (breech) very low in my pelvis.  My body is struggling this time and things that I am so used to doing throughout pregnancy are getting harder.  My pace is slowing, my ability to lift my children comes with a sacrifice of an evening of pain, because quite frankly they are pretty heavy boys.

And on top of this, I really understand what people mean by pregnancy hormones.  I cry more than ever, but I also feel overwhelming love more often.  I need time to myself every day to be a tolerant person and that doesn't come easily with three small people who need me.  My moods can dip unexpectedly and nothing can pull me out and my patience wears thin very quickly.

I love pregnancy, and I still do, despite everything.  I am not ready for this little one to arrive, I want to grow bigger, to feel her kicking from the inside a little longer, to embrace my changing shape and watch this miracle happening.  I am still amazed every time I look down, I still smile and rest my hands on my tummy everytime she kicks and I want to savour each moment, each final week with her safely inside, and my three boys just the way they are.

But this pregnancy is tough both physically and emotionally.  I feel stressed and tired and achey and moody and I never expected it to be this difficult, especially not with 10 weeks still to go.

I wouldn't give up the chance to carry this baby for anything, I know how lucky we are to be adding another member to our team, I really do know how lucky I am, but it doesn't mean that pregnancy isn't tough sometimes.


  1. I think it's perfectly okay for you to say that you are finding it tough. My two girl pregnancies were definitely more emotional than my boy one, and I know a lot of people who have said the same. And I definitely found my girl pregnancies harder full stop; more tired and achy and nauseous. But I also think that the more babies you have it does get a little harder on your body too.
    And while we all know that pregnancy is a total gift, and that lots of people would love to walk in our shoes and don't for whatever reason, I think we are also entitled to say that it isn't all sunshine and roses. Pregnancy is hard; physically and mentally, and never more so than when you have other little people relying on you. Just be kind to yourself, rest where you can, enjoy the journey... because I don't need to tell you how worth it is in the end. x

  2. It's so strange how pregnancies differ so much. I'm sorry that your final pregnancy can't be something to be relished and enjoyed. I hope the next 10 weeks pass easily and you have a wonderfully healthy baby at the end of it all x

  3. Huge hugs lovely, I know exactly what you're feeling, having sailed through Toby's pregnancy then had a rough time with this one and now being excruciatingly overdue! You look stunning, you're growing a miracle and you're an amazing mummy but likewise it is bloody tough and it's fine to admit and accept that xx

  4. Ohh a little girl and still 10 weeks to go, you look fabulous but I'm sorry to hear this has been a tough pregnancy. Mich x

  5. Aww lovely. You look amazing. I struggled with all my pregnancies especially the last one. You know once she's here you'll look back and feel it wasn't quite as bad as you remember. This is why I blog ;) Take care lovely and be kind to you xx


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