Wednesday 15 July 2015

Archie and I

It seems strange when I realise that Archie is the only one of our three children that we planned. His elder brother was a complete surprise, but we decided when he was 9 months old that we wanted another, and it was only a few days before we fell pregnant with Archie.  It was a second easy pregnancy, this time over the winter and the night I went into labour still feels so clear it could have been last week rather than over two years ago.

I remember sitting on my laptop, talking about making plans for my due date, so that I didn't spend all day waiting, and the bloke was out with friends on strict orders not to drink too much, 'just incase'.  When I went into labour in the early hours of the next morning, it took me a while to be convinced that it was really 'it'.

Archie was born in the water after a quick and lovely labour, just in time for breakfast, and by lunchtime we were home.  He was smaller than his brother, the first comparison I mentally made, and so different to him too.  He was born bright eyed and calm and the bloke and I knew from the start that we would know we had him.  He was so alert and awake even in those early days, and I fell instantly in love with him.

He was a mummy's boy, wanting me and only me, and he never drank from a bottle.  He made it impossible to leave him, and mostly I didn't want to anyway.  His eyes were big and blue, his hair wispy and white, his smile full of mischief.  He always knew how to get his way, and I always let him.  

Archie and I have never had much time just him and I.  Dylan was always around when he was little, and as soon as his big brother started nursery, I started looking after a friend's little boy, although it wasn't long before he had another little brother to share me with.  All this means that Archie is happiest when he has a brother and a playmate with him.  We still don't get much time just us two, and he isn't sure what to do with it when we do.  He thrives on company, and he loves his brothers fiercely.  

He is still my baby, he is still the one that will always ask for a 'tuddle', who climbs up onto my lap, even when there really isn't any space, and can always slot in to be close to me.  He is so determined to be a big boy like his brother, but with me he can still be a baby too.  He fell asleep on my back last week in the sling, and that familiar weight cuddled into me felt so comforting and familiar after the months he spent being carried.  These moments are getting fewer as he yearns for independence, but he still humours me every now and again.

I see so much of me in Archie, his stubborness, his determination, his love of adventure, but I see even more of the bloke in him.  He loves to get messy, he is fearless, he is bright.  His speech started snowballing as soon as his baby brother arrived, and he is finding the words to tell us so much more.

Archie is my middle child, but he is still my baby.  He needs me more than he can say, and there are cracks in his confidence that I can see.  We have known each other so long that I may be able to see the way that his brain ticks, but he knows how mine does too.

Archie is curious, cheeky, confident and cuddly.  He is going to struggle when Dylan starts school in September, as they are so close, but I can't wait to spend more time with him.  He is the one who taught me how to split my time, he taught me that your heart is never full, it can double in size when a new baby arrives.  He is the one that ensures my arms are never empty, my washing machine is always on and my legs are worn out at the end of the day.  He is the one that will follow my love of travelling, the one who will never simply accept, and who will carve his own path wherever that may take him - I just hope I get to stay part of it.

Archie is my baby still, he needs me and I need him.


  1. Aww, this is adorable. And such a sweet sweet photo of you both. And sounds so much like my relationship with my little missy; I see me and Rich in her, and she somehow manages to balance being a big girl, with being a total baby. And she has that ability to find the tiniest little gap somewhere near me and get herself into it too. I wonder if its a second child thing... or a 'born to be the middle child' thing. I've always said that right from the get go she has been after our attention like a middle child, she just has to wait a bit longer to be a big sister and fill her role. x

  2. the blokes version:

    he was trouble from day 1. still trouble now. cute though.

  3. Aww bless, what a lovely post and such a lovely wee boy he is x

  4. I have no idea why Bex, but this post made me cry. I just think you wrote such honest, raw and beautiful words about Archie, and obviously him and LL were born at similar times, but Archie is now a big brother, that's just crazy. It was lovely to get an insight into your relationship with him. It's weird as obviously LL is MY baby so still feels so little to me- whereas I bet even though Archie is your baby he probably feels a bit older now you have Finn. You have such a beautiful little family of boys, you lucky lady. And I really hope we get to meet up soon for coffee, we should do, I would love to meet Finn properly. (when he's not asleep haha!) x

  5. Aww he is just adorable! And I know what you mean about still being a baby, it's the same with Elma, she's both big sister and still my tiny little girl and I love it!!


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