A Girl

I always knew that Dylan was a boy.  From that terrifying moment that I saw those two blue lines that changed everything, I knew I was going to be a mama to a boy.  The twenty week scan only confirmed my intuition and I never really thought about things being any different.  We settled into life, our little family of three and I loved being mama to my boy.  When we found out we were pregnant with our second little bundle, I was convinced that he too would be a boy.  I saw my future as a boy mum - whatever that may entail.

Finn was a huge surprise, but it only made sense to me that he would be a little boy as well. I considered myself to be so lucky to have a trio of boys.  Finn was our last and whilst I thought about the fact I would never get to experience things from the other side, never have a daughter, I was happy and content with my tribe of boys.  I felt certain that it was my role.

When we discovered there was a fourth baby on the way, it wasn't just a shock because we thought we were done, but also because things felt a bit different.  The idea that it may because this was in fact a girl was still hard to accept, but in my heart, I was convinced that it would be a little lady joining 'my boys'

Despite knowing from quite early on that we were growing a girl, it hasn't been an easy thing to get my head around.  I pictured myself surrounded by boys and a baby girl had never been part of that picture.  I was excited from the beginning, of course I was, but it was such a strange concept, that it has taken a while to really get my head around it.

Even this week, I asked the sonographer at my growth scan to check the sex - just incase they had missed something, and for the fifth time they told me that this is a baby girl.  In only a few weeks we will be parents to a daughter, my boys will have a sister and I will get to experience everything that comes with having a little girl (the nappy changing is scaring me already!)

I haven't gone crazy with the pink, in fact there is very little of it in her wardobe, and you won't find frills or bows either.  I can't work out if it just isn't my 'thing' or whether three boys has made me nervous of it.  This little lady has some beautiful clothes waiting for her though, lots of unisex styles and plenty of girly things in blues, purples and yellows.  Finn's clothes have always been bright and plenty come from the girl's section so she has plenty of hand me downs to grow into still.  

I know that really a baby is a baby and unless you are changing their nappy, there isn't much difference, but there are things that come with raising a girl that I know will be different to raising boys.  I am hoping it all falls into place, that by the time these differences take shape, I will feel more natural in my role as mama to boys and a girl.  I keep wondering whether she will be 'one of the boys', or will she assert her femininity from an early age?  She will be given the same opportunities, the same rules, the same toys and the same love as her brothers of course, but how will things be different with a girl?

For now I am enjoying the final weeks with my boys - these boys who couldn't be more different if they tried.  I always considered that I had 'one of each' because Dylan and Archie were such opposites and I can only imagine that very soon there will be four completely seperate and opposing personalities living together in this house as siblings.  This little girl is going to have three big brothers to protect her,  to love her, to wrestle with her and to teach her and I think she is going to be a pretty lucky little girl because of that.

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Me and Mine May

May has ended with a wonderful weekend for us - my Dad turned 60 and we had a family picnic followed by a garden party to celebrate.  We all stayed at my parents' house and these photos were taken yesterday on the way down to brunch in our favourite seaside cafe.  Last minute as ever, but we did it!

May has been a month of tiredness, tidying and time together.  Whilst I am convinced that June's photo will still feature the five of us, I will reach the 37 week 'full term' milestone during June so there may be an extra little person to squish into the shot.  June is about preparing, no longer living in denial that things are coming round quick and of course enjoying the last bit of time just as we are now.

I don't feel like May has been a particularly eventful month for us, but we have enjoyed the sunshine, time together, days out and mornings at the beach.  We have lived at our own pace and enjoyed our family.  

This month mama is loving her new Saltwater sandals (yes, yellow goes with everything), spring cleaning the house, watching the boys play together outside and seeing the extended family for a big picnic this weekend.

Daddy is loving his new car, the excuse to have a sticker book again, playing rounders at the family picnic and Indian take aways (He seems to be having more cravings than I do!)

Dylan is loving wearing his school shorts, sticking stickers in his new football sticker book, ice cream at the beach and our day at Paulton's Park

Archie is loving that it is warm enough to sleep naked, The George pig dinosaur ride at Paulton's park, looking for the letter A everywhere and throwing stones into the sea

Finn is loving climbing - on everything and anything, being sung to, his first ice lolly and eating sand at the beach.

 It feels crazy that this may be the last family photo as we are now, I am enjoying my tribe of boys, watching them grow and bond and play together and whilst I can't wait to welcome this little girl into our lives, I could happily press pause for a while and just be us a little longer.

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My Boys

With only ten weeks to go (ish) until we add a sixth member to our team, that feeling of the end that is so familiar now has arrived.  I remember during my first pregnancy trying to get my head around the fact that things would change beyond anything I could possibly imagine and I spent those final weeks with my friends, going out in the evenings (and treating myself to an orange juice), going for long walks, going out for dinner and enjoying my social life.

When I was pregnant with baby number two, I couldn't possibly comprehend how I could fit a second little baby in my life and those 10 weeks were spent enjoying everything about my first born, living life at his pace, letting my newly mobile toddler walk, as we had nowhere to be, there was no rush and nobody but us.

During my third pregnancy, I wanted to make the most of me-time, and I went to the cinema at least once a week as I remembered all to well how little personal space you get with a baby around.  I went for walks on my own along the sea front in the evenings, sat in the hairdressers and just enjoyed peace whenever I could find it, as three was set to be loud, chaotic and always busy.

This time I have realised that the weeks with 'my boys' are soon to be over, there will be a little girl on our team, and everything will change all over again.  These boys have been a three for 14 months, they have such beautiful bonds, they are learning and growing together and they are just wonderful to watch.  My focus will shift, I will be more outnumbered than ever, and I will have to stop saying 'my boys' and start saying 'my children' or 'my family' when I refer to them all.

It seemed to hit as I turned 30 weeks, it is a milestone week and these photos make me a bit emotional.  I feel so incredibly blessed to have three amazing little boys in my life.  To be the one that gets to wake up to their smiles each morning, and tuck them up in bed with a story and a song each night.  I get to watch them grow into the men they will become, nurture friendships with each other, learn alongside one another and be a little team.

These next ten weeks are about them, about making memories, about getting out together, exploring and observing, because I love to just watch them.  I want to have adventures that are easier without a new baby in tow,  I want to capture them as they are now, whilst it is just the three of them, I want to prepare them for a sister without making them wish away the present, because the present is pretty awesome right now.  

These photos are from the weekend and they may be my favourite ever, they capture so much of who they all are, they capture them together, they were in their element, outdoors, exploring, having adventures and you can see that in their smiles, in the way they are so relaxed.  I took my camera out only a couple of times, I wanted some special photos of  'my boys' as they are now, but the rest of the time I got stuck in with them all, I searched for the Gruffalo and got excited when we found the snake's log pile house.  I squelched in the mud, marveled at sticks, and came home with muddy feet.

It feels so strange that my time with just these boys is numbered, that things are going to change all over again, the dynamic, the pace of life, the size of my heart, and whilst I am confident we will adapt and find space and it will soon become our new normal, I am excited for the final 10 weeks, our final adventures just as we are and that I get to watch them just as a three for a little longer.

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Forget the routine

Our lives are mostly ruled by routine.  Our mornings are spent between a variety of playgroups and the odd morning at the beach.  We come home for a picnic lunch on the living room  floor and then nap time for the littlies and a bit of work (or a nap) for me.  Our afternoons are about play dates and trips to the park and dinner is followed by a bath (sometimes), book and bed.  

Every now and again, we break the routine, and these days are the most exciting.  We woke up yesterday with plans for playgroup, but blew them off for a train ride into the city, armed with a bag of stale bread, plenty of sunscreen and a camera.

It took twice as long to get to the train station as we stopped to sniff flowers, entertain Archie and let Dylan walk along every wall he could manage.  A quick train ride into the city and a short walk to the beautiful gardens that run along the river.  We fed the ducks with our slices of bread, taking it in turns to throw chunks in, watching the ducks swim towards us, huddling in anticipation.

When our bread ran out, we went on adventures, through 'the deep, dark woods' (can you guess which book we have been reading recently?) and into 'the jungle'.  Dylan loved exploring the different areas and finding flowers hidden in the bushes.  Archie loved the pine cones - mostly throwing them to be honest.  

They ended up muddy, with leaves in their pockets and smiles on their faces (and they took a lovely long nap together in the double buggy whilst I shopped!).  Our day carried on with babyccinos and gingerbread men in the cafe and a wander round the town before meeting Daddy from work to travel home together.

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Becoming a Father

The bloke and I were unprepared for pregnancy and I don't think the reality of having a baby hit us until there was a tiny little newborn in our arms.  I like to think we both adapted well and Dylan's birth will always be the best and most life-changing day of my life.  It was the day I became a mother, found a new purpose and realised just how big my capacity to love someone was.  I think being a mother, you find that love and protection is usually instinctual.  We have nine months to bond with this foetus growing inside of us and I loved feeling him kick knowing that nobody else knew what was going on - our own secret communication.  When Dylan was born I felt like I already knew him and that he had always been a part of my life.

The bloke took to being a father straight away too and right from the beginning would enjoy an hour of time alone with his son every night whilst I got some uninterrupted sleep.  He would pop Dylan on a cushion on his lap and enjoy him being there as he watched TV or played on his computer.  As the little dude grew he would change nappies, bathe him and feed him dinners and he loved pushing him proudly round in the pram. It wasn't until Dylan

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Guest Post - My Boys

I have a second guest post this week from the lovely Kat at Kat Sighs. 



 I am a Mum of three boys. The Big One is 12 yrs and firmly rooted in tweenager-dom. He is a lovely lad and I am sure he will emerge the other side of his teens equally as lovely. Who knows what will fill the gap!? (He is from my previous relationship) Next up is Chaos who is 2 on Sunday. He is a regular whirlwind and entertaining to boot. He fills a room and steals your attention, however much you try to ignore him. Then there is Squish Pot. He is 10 months and completely adorable! He is the angelic, cute, quiet one - at the moment! 

Having kids is a total lottery, you never know what you're going to get. Even with a box of chocolates the options are limited! I was 22 when I had Big. I was naive enough to think having a baby wouldn't be that big a change - PAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Stupid girl, I know. I didn't really consider what this lump I was sporting, would turn into. I just didn't want to get too big as I was struggling to ride my horse every day. Once again, Stupid girl, I know! 

When I was pregnant with Chaos, all those years later, it was a totally different story. I knew what was coming this time. Another bundle of grinning, puking, cuddly, poopiness that I would fight to the death for. I knew that number 2 would be different to number 1. They were two different people so of course they would have different personalities. They would like different toys, foods, colours and clothes. I realised that. What I didn't realise (and nobody told me) was that EVERYTHING would be different!! 

Big was a healthy breastfed baby - Chaos dropped weight like a hot potato and was readmitted to hospital at 7 days with Jaundice.

Big was a great sleeper - Chaos had undiagnosed reflux and would scream for ages if we led him down but slept instantly on us. He also used to gag in his sleep (terrifying!)

Big would eat anything - Chaos was still eating puree at a year due to his reflux (any lumps made him gag and vomit)

I suppose I thought the fundamental things would be the same. I thought they would sleep and eat the same. It was a total shock and I remember saying "Big never did that" a LOT in the early days.

Now we have Squish as well and he (curiously) looks and acts like Big. They are both blond haired and blue eyed, quiet, easy going and happy. Squish slept through the night from a few weeks old, eats everything within reach and has had no problems at all. He is the most infectiously happy baby you could ever meet. He is always smiling and has a collection of hearts he stole from every health visitor he ever met! 

It is interesting watching how they get on together. Big always wanted a little brother so I thought he would be made up when he got one and he was. He soon realised his little playmate had a lot of growing to do before they could play football together! He was worried about breaking him initially but watching them now you wouldn't believe that was ever a concern! They wrestle and muck about to the point I have to remind Big he is playing with a little boy not a rag doll!! Chaos never seems to mind and laughs his head off. Stupidly, I thought Big would be more tolerant of the time the little boys require as he is old enough to understand. He may well understand but it doesn't stop him feeling left out. This is something we are working on at the moment. 

Chaos and Squish are very cute together. Chaos loves his little brother and gives him kisses but he also gets a bit rough with him, usually when he takes his tractors! They are starting to play together more now as Squish becomes more mobile. It is lovely to watch the three of them playing together. Squishs little face lights up when he sees his brothers, he follows them about as fast as he can crawl, bless him. I am glad when he was born that I tried really hard to involve Chaos so he didnt feel jealous or left out. He was quite heavy handed so I got him involved in other ways. He used to fetch nappies or wipes for me. He would pick up a dropped toy or dummy. Carry things to another room or just sit next to Squish if I had to pop to the kitchen. If Squish cries, Chaos still comes running to see if hes ok from where ever he is. He tells me if hes hurt or what happened if I wasnt looking. Squish doesnt like being on his own so I taught Chaos to just sit with him so I could make his bottle. I suppose that has stayed with him and he still sits with him if I pop out of the room for a minute. 

Boys will be boys but I love my boys, they are great!



I may be a little scared now as big one sounds a lot like Dylan but I have my fingers crossed for another hungry little sleeper (can you really be that lucky twice?)

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My Boys

The bloke is off work for a week and we are having a lovely time together as our little family of 3.  Yesterday the bloke and the baby wore their matching T-shirts.  The large one says 'It was him' and the smaller one says 'It wasn't me'.  They looked great together so I thought I would share a few pictures of my favourite boys.

It was him!

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