The First 10 Days

10 days ago I gave birth, we welcomed a daughter, we became a six.  It was a wonderful homebirth,  It was calm, quiet and everything I hoped for.  Her first hours were spent on me, feeding, cuddling and having skin to skin.  Her first night she spent on my chest, something that felt natural to us both and I woke in disbelief that this perfect tiny girl was really mine.

These first ten days have gone fast, we have spent every moment together, every day attached and every night cuddled up together in my bed,  I have had the opportunity to do this my way, something that wasn't possible with Finn.  I spent his early days in fear, not knowing what was wrong, worrying for his future, watching him through his fish bowl, only allowed to hold him at certain times, not able to feed him myself.  With this new little baby of ours I have been able to hold her and feed her and enjoy these precious first days and I feel so thankful for that. 

After a few days we finally decided on her name - Cora Jayne.  She is the first of our babies to get her 'bump name' - the name I envisaged her having throughout the pregnancy and it feels just perfect for our little girl.  On day 9 we made it official and registered her birth.  The boys mostly still call her 'the new baby' but they also proudly tell people her name.

We have welcomed so many visitors and tried to find time to just be on our own too.  We have eaten cake every day and I have drunk more cups of tea in these 10 days than in the last 10 months.  We have cuddled up on the sofa together, had nap time together, gone out together and shared these early days.  I have hardly picked up my big camera, but I have taken so many phone snaps in these 10 days.  Every night I feel emotional that another day has passed, that she is that little bit older and bigger.

At 10 days old our baby girl is still a little limpet, happiest on her mama.  She is breastfeeding well after a few problems with her latch and she is sleeping most of the day with a few periods of being very alert.  She hasn't quite got the message that the crib is her bed and she much prefers being with me at night.  She wants to sleep on her tummy - turns out she can't read the books yet that tell us babies must sleep on their backs, and she loves being snug in the sling.  She is squishy and warm and just perfect and we are still in that wonderful newborn bubble.  Next Monday is the end of paternity leave and the start of our new normal and I am nervous and excited about the challenges that involves.  For now, I don't want to imagine her being any older than she is now, I don't want to wish away any time, I want to enjoy these precious and amazing early days where she is so new and we are learning so much about each other.

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Full Term - Feeling heavy and crazy hormones

I have reached week 37 which means that I am full term.  It feels like a period of limbo, this five weeks that are considered the 'right' time to have a baby - knowing that very soon everything will change, but for now we are just waiting.  Nobody knows when this little girl is going to arrive, it could be tomorrow, it could be that I have another month of carrying her safely inside, but she is coming.

I feel completely torn, physically I don't feel ready for another baby but emotionally this pregnancy is taking its toll.  We don't have everything ready for her yet and whilst this pregnancy has been tougher than the others, I don't feel ready to give up my bump, to share my baby with the world and to never be pregnant again.  I know that even when I am struggling physically I have it easier than most women, at 37 weeks I can still scramble around soft play, still power walk a double school run when I leave it too late to do comfortably (again) and still care easily for three young boys.  I have plenty of aches though, I was told with fourth babies they can engage and pop out several times a day and I am pretty sure that Britney bump is playing that game.  Sometimes I waddle, sometimes I am taken aback by the power of her kicks and sometimes I just really want to find a comfortable position to sleep in.

Emotionally however, I am finding this time a lot more difficult.  I seem to go from full of energy, ready to run a marathon to needing to sleep for a week and barely able to get off the sofa - and I do this about 5 times a day.  I can be incredibly excited and happy one minute and really grumpy the next without any real cause and I get periods of feeling really anxious too.

My biggest craving right now is space, which of course isn't something I get a lot of with three young boys.  I can't go to the toilet without an audience and I think knowing how attached I will be to this baby once she arrives, how impossible it will be to leave her, makes me crave a bit of 'me time' now whilst I still can (in principal).  I can often tell what will help bring me out of a grumpy mood, but unfortunately the timing is always terrible.  I fancy a long walk just as dinner needs to be cooked, or I am desperate for a hot shower just as I have to go on the school run.  The bloke has understood that it is best to always have chocolate buttons in the house for these moments - if in doubt, sugar always helps.

I am not doing anything to try and bring on labour, I really believe that babies come when they are ready and I am feeling so torn between wanting her here so that I feel a little more hormonally balanced (well as much as you do with a newborn of course) and wanting her to stay put until I feel a bit more ready.  Having such a small age gap this time and the fact Finn is still just a baby, not yet walking, means that I probably won't ever feel really ready for her arrival and I know that whenever she comes we will be fine.  

These final weeks are such a strange time, I feel unsure making too many plans, but I know the best thing is to stay busy.  I want to treasure every moment as we are but I can't wait to meet this baby I have been growing for so long.  I am looking forward to the birth but wondering how I will cope with four under fives.  I want to enjoy my bump a little longer but I want to meet the final member of our family.  It really feels like we are in limbo now and I have a feeling there are a few more weeks to go.

and yes I am sitting on my birth ball in a Care Bear onesie

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A Homebirth Basket

I am 37 weeks and all set for my first home birth.  I have birthed once in the hospital, twice in the midwife led unit and for this fourth baby, staying at home feels like the natural thing to do.  I know that things can still be unpredictable though, that sometimes there is a need to transfer and even if we stay at home, it is helpful to have everything in one place, so I have prepared a home birth basket as opposed to a hospital bag.

I will have a holdall ready so that if anything changes the contents of my basket can be tipped in as we leave, but I want to think positive and feel prepared to birth this baby in the comfort of my own home.

The basket is layered so that the things I need for labour are at the top and the bits for after baby has arrived are nearer the bottom - hopefully this means we don't have to go rooting through when I need something!

For the labour I have: 

-Waterproof sheets

I am planning on taping these to the floor to protect the carpet and having one spare to use either on the sofa or the bed if that is where I want to birth.

-Blankets for comfort

I want to make a cosy nest in case I decide to stay out the water so I will use blankets on top of the sheets and bring in my birthing ball when labour starts

-Bikini

I am hoping to use a pool for pain relief and birthing in

-Birth preferences

I understand the unpredictable nature of labour, but I feel happier having my preferences written down for the midwifes in case I am not in a position to communicate.  Things like immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping until the cord turns white, no offering of pain relief - waiting for me to request it.

-My notes

Obviously my maternity notes are pretty vital!

-Hairbands

Labour can be sweaty, hairbands are pretty important

-Cord tie

I am planning on using a cord tie rather than a plastic clamp - it looks more comfortable than a big chunk of plastic on their belly and can help it to heal faster too. (I bought this one from Heartstrings on facebook)

-Cooling spray

I got given this in a baby show goody bag and think it might come in quite useful

-Bottle of water

I always get really thirsty in labour and it is important to keep hydrated.  This will actually be living in the fridge until things kick off though,

-Towels

For wrapping myself and the baby in when we get out the pool/when she is born.

For after I have:

-Baby vests

I have a couple, one in newborn just in case she is smaller than expected and one in up to 1 month size

-Baby sleepsuits
Again I have both newborn and up to 1 month size

-Baby hat
I can't resist a little white baby hat!

-Nursing bra
I have a few ready, but this Emma Jane one looks super easy and perfect for sleep too.

-Breast pads

I have reusable breastpads as I find them more comfortable and cost efficient as well as less wasteful.  I won these Mama Design ones in a competition recently and they feel so soft

-Blanket for the baby

-Comfy pjs
I have some nursing friendly pyjamas that I got when I had Dylan and whilst it is tempting to buy new ones, I find my old worn in ones so comfy that those are what I really want.

-Muslins

Muslins are my essential baby item, our house is full of them, although they aren't all as pretty as these Frugi ones. (I purchased these from the Natal Family)

-Nappies

We are planning on using cloth nappies from birth again and I have mostly Totsbots teenyfits alongside a couple of other brands.

-Mama pants

-Post partum pads

I am going to be using reusable pads this time - after doing some research on the chemicals in disposables I feel this is the best choice for me and my body.

-Wipes

I know the advice is to use cotton wool, but waterwipes are so much more convenient so I will have both ready.  I have a pack to use for me too for keeping clean and fresh.

-Cotton wool
I have bought some fresh cotton wool for cleaning baby too

-Phone and camera battery charger
Because of course I will be taking far too many photos!

At the moment my basket is safely packed and stored in my bedroom and when labour begins I will take it to whichever area I plan on using - most likely the living room.  Did you have a birthing essential?  I only did this all 15 months ago but I still had to google what I would need!

PIN ME!

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Our Gender Reveal

When we found out that we were expecting baby number 4, two thoughts went through my head,

'What if it is another boy?'

'What if it is a girl???'

I quite honestly didn't mind, we were either going to have the wonder of a fourth baby boy or a new baby girl.  I know boys, I love raising boys and I could see my house full of them.  A daughter would be the unknown but a new challenge.  Either way I felt far more impatient to find out this time and I ended up booking an early private scan to try and determine the gender. 

At our previous scan, the sonographer thought she knew the sex based on the nub theory, but I wanted a better look to know for certain.  Last Saturday we went down to a local place and saw our little Britney bump on screen and we got confirmation.

We are expecting a . . .





We are so excited to be welcoming our sixth and final member of the team in July this year!

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Baby Boy or Baby Girl?

With three boys already I am sure you can imagine the comments I am getting as I announce this pregnancy.  Wouldn't it be lovely if this were to be a girl, surely we must want a girl after three boys, were we trying for a girl?  The truth is we would love a baby girl, although the concept seems alien to me after four years of raising boys.  We would love a fourth boy just as much, although yes, maybe it would be a shame to have never known any different.

I really had no preference when I was pregnant the first time, it didn't even occur to me to want one or the other, but when we found out we were pregnant with number two I was secretly hoping it was a second little boy - with the close age gap I could imagine myself with two little boys, driving trains around the living room, kicking a football together at the park and sitting under a blanket together watching films one day.  

Finding out about our third little baby was a shock, and what I wanted more than a choice of gender was a baby who would stay small that bit longer.  Dylan grew so fast and Archie grew up so fast, I wanted a baby.  I got my wish, maybe too much as Finn took so long to grow, but at 10 months he still feels very much like a baby.  He still fits perfectly in my arms, still sleeps cosily on my chest and he has the calmness of a baby much younger than himself at times.

After having Finn, with this baby, my one wish if I was to be granted one is that he or she is born healthy.  That I can spend those precious first weeks enjoying my little bundle rather than worrying whether he would survive and what quality of life he would have.  I want a baby I can have at home with me, who can settle straight into his or her place in our new bigger family.  Whether this baby is a girl or boy really isn't my priority, I fully understand the fact that healthy is the most important thing.

Somedays I think I would really like a little girl, I spot something adorable that a boy just couldn't pull off, I think about my favourite girls names that we have never had an opportunity to use and I wonder what life with a daughter would be like.  Other days I think a little boy would complete our family, a little buddy for Finn, a quad of boys that will grow up so close together.  I naturally gravitate towards the boys section in shops, I love my sons and another would be amazing.

I don't feel like I 'know' as much as I did with the other three.  I was so certain they were boys, and whilst my head still tells me this is another, I haven't bought anything yet, I don't have the same conviction.  In many ways this pregnancy is very much the same.  I have escaped the nausea and sickness again and my biggest symptoms are tiredness and a rapidly expanding waistline.  My cravings are still a mix of sweet, salty and dairy with macaroni cheese, ready salted crisps and flake bars coming top of the list - very similar to the others.  There are differences though, noticeably in that the tiredness this time has been exhaustion and debilitating at times.  I have had my first tastes of heartburn (probably because I lay down for most of the day) and the skin on my face is suddenly incredibly dry.

We will definitely be finding out, I don't have the patience not to, and I am tempted to book a private scan and find out early this time,  This is most definitely our last pregnancy (I know I said that last time but it really is now) and so I almost feel like I want to try a new experience - a private gender scan and finding out early.  We don't have a great nub shot and Britney seems to fall somewhere in the middle when it comes to skull theory.  Opinion seems to be split as do the old wives tales.  I still think this is our fourth baby boy but the bloke thinks it is a girl - we will be finding out in the next few weeks.

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Family Planning - The First 12 Weeks

This pregnancy has been by far the hardest.  Whilst I felt tired with the others, this time it has been complete exhaustion, where staying awake for longer than a couple of hours at a time can be a challenge.  I spent most of those early weeks in hibernation as I didn't have the energy for much else and everytime I thought it was easing, I would be hit again.  I am 14 weeks now and it is definitely easing, but I still need a nap every day and still spend most of every day feeling shattered.

I intended to write regularly in the early weeks, but as you can imagine it dropped down my list of priorities.  I managed four little entries though that sum up how the first trimester went.




4/11/15

Despite the fact I had never felt more nervous, I couldn't help laughing to myself as I walked into the 'family planning' section in Boots as my family has been anything but planned.  

The bloke and I met just over five years ago and our first little surprise was born less than a year later.  One planned baby and one more surprise later, and I found myself wondering whether my body had taken matters into its own hands yet again despite the contraception.  

Those two little lines appeared almost automatically, and in such a dark shade of pink I knew there was no doubt about it.  Baby number four is due in July 2016, and will be the youngest of four under fives!

It isn't the first time I have had to come to terms with a huge life change that I wasn't expecting, but it seems only to get harder each time.  I made no secret of the fact I would have loved a fourth little person to complete our family, but I never thought that would happen now.

15/11/15

7 Weeks (ish) - The tiredness is so overwhelming, I can't physically get through the day without a nap now.  Whilst we used to be out doing so much, I am finding I need more time at home where I can lie on the sofa 'supervising' the smallest two.  I feel so guilty as Archie brings me puzzles and games and asks me to play, but there are days I struggle with just the school runs.  I am finding that being out is the best way to get through the day, it is just the temptation to stay in is overwhelming.  When I am out I can't nap, when I am in I can't stay awake.

My dreams have definitely become more vivid and I wake up remembering them so clearly.  People and places that haven't been part of my life for years have reappeared in my sleep despite not having thought about them recently.

I am definitely starting to show, although I know it is only bloat at this stage.  My jeans no longer do up, and whilst I may squeeze them shut before, I now find it too uncomfortable.  Maternity jeans aren't yet staying up so the hairband trick is getting me through, but I think I might be turning to trusty leggings for a few weeks until I am ready for the big reveal.

13/12/15

As I move closer to the 12 week safety point, this growing baby is getting harder to hide.  The impatience is kicking in and I want to scream it to the world. The wonders of winter are that baggy jumpers can hide most things, and with all the extra layers I am wearing, I don't think the bump is so noticeable - on the other hand, the lead up to Christmas is full of events that involve wearing nice dresses, and occasions where I have to pretend my coke has some alcohol hidden in the bottom.  The fact I have a baby who still wakes up in the night helps as my excuse for keeping the party nights mild, but I am looking forward to the freedom of being able to explain properly.

The tiredness is still pretty bad, although like most things, you learn how to manage it better the longer it goes on.  I can get through some days without a nap now, but I know a long day or a big night is followed by a day where I feel so ridiculously hungover and ill despite the lack of alcohol.  My diet consists mostly of mashed potato and flake bars and I am suffering from heartburn some evenings - a sensation I am experiencing for the very first time.

21.12.15

The bulging stomach is getting harder to hide and the fact I haven't been drinking at any of the Christmas parties is making people start to question.  Our NHS scan isn't until after Christmas so we decided to book a private 12 week scan to make sure our little Britney is growing well in there.  Thankfully, he or she is and as we took the boys in with us, the sonographer turned over to a 4d screen to show them our little bean looking more like a real baby.  It was amazing seeing him wave at the screen and even sweeter when Archie waved back.  We had pictures printed in 3d and I have never seen anything like it before.  I never knew it was possible this early, but those four perfect little limbs, a bud that will turn into an ear, little fingers and toes and everything else is visible.  Our baby is growing and I have started to tell family and friends.  With Finn we made an announcement almost straight away, but this time I have decided to have Christmas and the new year to ourselves, to tell people at our own pace before it all becomes public and online.

Symptom wise, I am still feeling pretty tired, although I think things are starting to ease up now.  My skin is still dry and spotty, my hair is looking limp and I am so far from 'glowing', I am not convinced I will ever get there this time.  The bloating seemed to subside a little although I still have a very definite bump.

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