Monday 3 September 2012

Toddler Tantrums - The Terrible Ones

Turning one has been a huge milestone for Dylan.  His first birthday, learning to crawl, learning to pull himself up and cruise and my least favourite - learning to tantrum.


He knows what he wants and how he feels but doesn't yet have the words to express it so instead he arches his back, throws himself backwards and lets out the frustration in an almighty roar.  He screams and throws himself round and bites and hits if you attempt to calm or comfort him.  Tantrums can be about anything, from being told no to struggling to do something like pull himself up and I don't like a single one of them.


Some days are worse than others.  Some start with
tears and it is downhill from there whilst other days he is the lovely little boy I used to have, all smiles and kisses.  I understand that the terrible twos often start early but a whole year early?


Recently he started getting upset when we were out together in a cafe.  We had gone for a walk and had stopped for a drink.  I let him have some water in a cup with a straw rather than his beaker, which he loves and he soon made it clear he wanted to walk around.  When he started walking towards another table though, the couple soon turned away and refused eye contact with him and made it very clear they did not want him coming to say hi - fair enough, not everyone likes babies.  When I tried to steer him in another direction though all hell broke loose and I had no idea what to do with him!


The thing that worries me the most is the violence when he gets upset.  He will bite my shoulder or wildly flail his arms around unafraid of who he may hit in the process.  Although I have been strict from the start it doesn't seem to accomplish much.  He is met with a sharp 'NO' and I put him straight on the floor if he bites or hits - I am not sure what else I can do?  I want him to grow up being a nice gentle boy, one I am not afraid to leave playing with other children but at the moment I fear a tantrum coming and his laid back attitude ending abruptly.


I completely acknowledge that these tantrums are a part of life, just like babies crying when they can't express their hunger but any advice on how to deal with it would be great! I try my best to work out what he wants, I get down to his level and talk to him and I try and comfort him but all are met with flailing arms.

10 comments:

  1. I have no advice- can only console you that Syd, who also turned one in August, is just the same! You are right- they are frustrated at not being able to communicate! It will get better and worse over the next year or two! Haha! But my elder two had their worst tantrums pre-two. Post two their communication as much better so we could avoid most of them!

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    1. I am hoping that communication will make it better and he wants to talk so fingers crossed he starts picking up some words soon! Nice to know I am not alone x

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  2. He's probably just a determined child and is showing his frustration at not being able to communicate properly in a way that feels somewhat overwhelming. I don't have any advice either, apart from letting him get through these difficult toddler years with plenty routine and structure, because that's all they really need at such a young age.

    CJ x

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    1. Routine is staying the same as we had it good before this started and trying to teach him that he will achieve nothing from having a tantrum other than a sore head if he keeps banging it on the floor! Hoping communiction starts improving soon as he really tries to talk!

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  3. Maybe baby signing would help? If e can communicate some things with signs maybe he'd be happier?!

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  4. sing and sign is running in Broadcasts starting soon. Lots of people i know say it helped reduce frustration as they can communicate with you more easily xx

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  5. *broadstairs - stupid predictive txt!

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  6. I taught my Wee Man a couple of basic signs and it made a big difference - he was much happier knowing I understood him a bit more. Validating his feelings seemed to work a bit too, although perhaps when he was a bit older - saying things like 'I can see you are cross, and that's ok, everyone gets cross sometimes'.

    Hope things get less frustrating soon! Bubby D has just turned 1 so I'm sure we will be going through it all again soon enough...

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  7. Have you tried ignoring the tantrums - I appreciate - not always easy. I once left Christopher on the floor in W H Smiths - screaming the place down. I simply walked away from him - albeit keeping a surreptitious eye on him. Worked a treat! No audience, no point in having a tantrum. Another thing that helped (when he got a bit older) was a "naughty mat" for "time out". I used to carry around a bright yellow towel and if he was naughty he had to sit still on it until I said he could get off again. I never quite worked out why he did actually stay put! - but again it was very effective.

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