The little things mean a lot

I have had the song with the same title stuck in my head for weeks now. I love the sweet tune and the beautiful words. It sums up my view on the world so perfectly. The little things really do mean a lot.

It is the bloke bringing me a drink of water when I have forgotten one,even though he has already sat down.

It is my busy toddler stopping for a minute and asking for a cuddle from his mummy

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Little Dates with my Big Boy

Since Archie arrived and turned our little three into a family of four, I haven't had much time to spend with Dylan.  After 18 months of having my sole attention, he now has to share it with a rather deamanding little brother.  Considering what a huge change this is, he has coped so amazingly well, but I miss the little things that we used to do together.

Archie, being both breastfed and quite clingy has not made it easy for me to leave him, but we are finally at that stage where a little independence is welcome and I am looking forward to lots of little dates with my big boy over the winter.  

This weekend, I managed to get a couple of hours alone with my toddler and it was liberating to leave the buggy and the changing bag at home and head to the park for some one on one time.  We walked and we talked, we climbed, we swung, we slid and we did plenty of giggling.  We enjoyed each others company and we made the most of it.

It may only be a couple of hours every once in a while, but I loved spending time with my wonderful toddler with no distractions and I could see that he loved it too.

I love my boys and our family of four, but I think it is so important to give them all that special attention too.  

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This Moment

The days are always long and sometimes hard.  They are filled with smiles, tears, laughter and kisses and no two days are the same.  When it comes to 7pm though, I am more than happy to take my two little men to bed.

After bath time comes pajamas and we walk up the stairs together to brush Dylan's teeth.  He loves to wash his hands at the moment so of course we give them a thorough scrub afterwards before going into his bedroom.  The chair has been moved now, so we sit on his old cot mattress and some cushions on the floor and we read a story.  He is loving his Henry Hugglewug book at the moment, but the Gruffalo is our go-to book most days and he loves reading it by himself after we have read it together.

I tuck Dylan up in bed with Ducky, bear, owl, penguin, dog, penguin cushion and his blanket (he likes to name each one as we put him down), shut his curtains and kiss him goodnight, reminding him that he is my beautiful boy and that I love him.  

I leave the room with Archie, and walk a few steps down the hallway to his room.  His room is light and fresh with the white walls, simple decor and lack of clutter and we both seem to feel instantly calm as we step in.  We settle in the nursing chair that once occupied a corner of his big brother's room and forego the stool.  I curl my legs up and wrap my body around him and as his desperation reaches a pinnacle, he latches on to feed and I hear a shudder and a sigh of satisfaction.  

This is the moment where I sit and smile.  

I look down at his beautiful soft white skin and the bright blue eyes that are slowly closing beneath his long long lashes.  The little button nose and those perfect lips that are earnestly working for more milk.  The tufty hair that grows up and out and in the palest shade of blonde. making him look like he has permanent bed head and his little body curled up in mine.

I watch his chubby fingers cling onto my skin, massaging it, pinching it and holding on to me.  Finally they start to settle and his energetic legs feel heavy in my lap.  My beautiful boy is falling asleep and as I watch his innocent, angelic face fall calm, I hear another little voice call out from a cot just down the hall,

'Nun night Mummy, luff loo. Nun night Daddy, luff loo, Nun night Archie, luff Loo'

This moment is perfect.  This moment is everyday, it is magical, it is ordinary, it is a privilege, it is perfect. 

This is the moment I forget everything else and realise quite how amazing being a Mummy can be.  This is the moment that nothing else matters but my two beautiful boys and I feel like I could sit there all night staring at this amazing creature that I created who is now nestled into me deep in slumber.  I reflect on the day, choosing the good bits to remember and cast the rest aside, and I know that however tiring and stressful the next day may be, I will have this moment to look forward to, this small moment of bliss where I know I am exactly where I need to be.

This is the moment I know one day will be a thing of the past.  Dylan won't always be so sweet and innocent and Archie will learn to put himself to sleep. 

Right now though, this is the moment that makes me smile even though no-one can see it. 

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Don't Let Me Forget

Don't let me forget the little things,

The smile on Archie's face when I go and get him up from his nap.

The way Dylan sings Twinkle Twinkle at every possible opportunity.

The smell of Archie's head- that wonderful milky baby scent that makes you want to just cuddle them all day.

The Cheeky smile Dylan gives when he is asking for a biscuit.

The way Archie starts shaking with excitement as you lower him into the bath.

The way Dylan cuddles up to me when the Rhyme Rocket is on.

The desperation with which Archie waits for milk and that sigh of relief as he latches on.

Hearing cries of 'Cold blue milk' as I wake up coming from Dylan's cot.

Listening to Dylan blowing raspberrys on Archie and hearing them both laughing together.

Their beautiful faces as they sleep, so unbelievably peaceful

These special everyday moments.

Life is a series of moments, each one as important as the other.  Some may seem big, and some insignificant but every single one is shaping the people our children will become. I know I will remember the holidays, the broken legs, and the birthdays, but I want to remember the smells, the sounds and the special things that made these early years so precious.

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Special Times

I spent 90% of my week with my son and am priviledged to be watching him grow up into a gorgeous and clever little boy. We do so much together, from toddler groups, meal times, trips out and chores, but some days are just special.  Maybe there are a few more treats, or I am feeling a bit more relaxed, but we definitely have special moments whether they are planned or unplanned.

Every day with him is precious, but it is these special days that I will really miss when there is an extra little person.  I'm sure they will be just as amazing if not more with both of my boys around, but there is something about our mother-son bonding days that I will always treasure.

Some days we take a walk into town, and I have him in the parent facing buggy so we sing all the way down, giggling as we walk. I let him out and we explore the little things together, from jumping in puddles to pointing out every single car we see.   We may go into a little cafe, and share a cake.  I may treat him to some juice, and let him drink it from a big cup with a straw.  It is just the two of us though, and we go off into our own little world where nobody else exists.

Sometimes our special times are at home, and we will crawl around the living room floor together giggling and making silly noises, before collapsing in a heap and having the most perfect cuddles.  

Sometimes our special moments are when we are killing time and we make up our own games and get lost in them.

Every time is different, but every time I am aware that we are sharing something so special, so perfect and that we will never have that particular experience again.  I try my hardest to take in every little bit of his beautiful smile and remember the sound of his laugh.  I take mental pictures of us running along the seafront together or sat in the cafe having a cuddle and a glass of milk.  Most of the time I am too busy enjoying myself to even think about getting my camera out.

Today was one of those days . It started off special - even breakfast felt exciting.  We had things to do and got the train to Canterbury for a day out together.  We sat down and shared one of our favourite dinners in a restaurant together, doing some colouring and playing with our food.  I didn't care if we laughed too loudly or broke the rules as we were happy.  We walked around the town together, playing peekaboo and touching everything.  We splashed through puddles in the park without a care in the world and with Dylan in the pushchair I stomped up and ran down the same hill hundreds of times just to see the look of joy on his face.

We do all of these things often, but for some reason today felt different - special.  Maybe it is knowing that our little family will be a little bigger by the end of this month.  Maybe it was just a good day.  Either way, it was a perfect one.  I really hope that when the new baby arrives, Dylan and I can still have our special times.  That he will still look at me with those bright blue eyes and cheeky grin like no-one else matters.  I hope that Squish and I can have our own special times too, us against the world.

Giving Dylan a little brother is hopefully one of the best things I can give him - someone to play with, teach, fight with and learn from.  I just hope that he still needs me just as much!

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