Waiting for Baby

As my due date fast approaches I can honestly say that this pregnancy has flown by.  Even the past few weeks which are meant to drag seem to be disappearing and I know that in the next 4 weeks I will have a third baby boy.  It is strange to think that Dylan was born at this gestation, yet I feel no signs that our little Pretzel is coming anytime soon.

The last few weeks of pregnancy are precious, even more so if things are straightforward.  Every day my swollen tummy takes me by surprise, but every morning I look at it in the mirror, in amazement at what my body is doing, how it is growing and supporting a little life and at quite how stretched my poor skin is.  

I feel the hormones more this pregnancy than with the other two, I get stressed more easily, and I don't think it is surprising with two small boys there to keep me on my toes, but I still choose to make the most of these last days we have as a trio, and as a family of four.  We have skipped nursery more recently to do the things we love together and even when the day starts too early and goes on too long, I cherish so many small moments with my family, just the way we are.

It feels partly like I am waiting for something to happen, and really I am - I am full term and our little guy could arrive any day, but I also feel like I have forever left as we are.  I haven't quite got my head around the impending changes and I don't feel in any rush to do so.  When I do go into labour (providing I don't need to be induced ), I think I will finally comprehend what is happening.  With the other two, I was far from organised, but looking back, their bedroom was ready with clothes hung up and cot assembled.  We had all the essentials in the house just waiting for a baby and the discussion on names was ongoing.  This little guy isn't the same,  the house is not ready for him and nor are we.  We have everything we need really, but it isn't set up and built, it isn't sat idle with no baby inside, but instead is still a project for the future - for when I get a little closer, a little more pregnant, for when it gets urgent.

I don't know if this is a third baby thing, or whether it is having them all so close together that time to do anything is precious and mostly spent with my feet up and a good supply of chocolate.  I don't know if it is being more relaxed, or so laid back I am practically horizontal.  I don't know whether it is a sign that little pretzel will stay inside until a final eviction notice is served, or if I am going to get the shock sometime soon when he decides to break free.

I know that I am not worried about a third.  I am ready to embrace the inevitable chaos, I know my hands will be completely full, but nowhere near as full as my heart, and experience tells me I will love this little guy more than I ever dreamed I could, as much as I do Dylan and Archie.  I know there will be tough times, tough days and most likely tough weeks as we all adapt, as Archie discovers the terrible twos and as Dylan pushes the boundaries as the eldest sibling.  I know I will be sleep deprived for a long time, that I will be feeding on demand around the clock and that my body will not be my own for a while, but none of this scares me, or worries me, it excites me as I remember through my rose tinted glasses what life with a newborn is like.  I know we can cope, and I hope we will do much more than that.

I can't wait for that new baby smell, a little person curled up on my chest, the snuffling as he wakes up hungry for milk yet again, the little glimpses of eyes that have so much to see, the tiny toes and fingers that curl around mine and that cry that breaks your heart, fills your boobs and reminds you how fragile this baby still is.  I want to find out whether he has my eyes or the bloke's nose, whether he looks like Dylan, Archie or completely different yet again and whether he suits all the clothes we have chosen for him.  I can't wait to hold him in my arms for the first time, to introduce him to his elder brothers, to show him off to the world and to sink into that new baby haze, flooding social media with pictures because in my eyes, he will be the most perfect little thing I have ever seen.

For now though, it is a waiting game - he may arrive today, tomorrow, next week or not for another month, I just don't know but I know he will come when he is ready.