Monday 1 September 2014

Pregnancy - The Early Weeks

5 weeks Pregnant

If I have learned anything by now, it is that life doesn't always go to plan.  At 18, when I looked at my future it was full of possibility.  I had it all mapped out - married at 25, first baby at 27 and of course a high flying, well paid job at the same time.  At 23 I fell pregnant unexpectedly with a man I had really only just met.  

Looking back now, it feels like it was all meant to be.  It wasn't part of the plans, but the plans changed and accomodated this baby and another little boy joined our family only 18 months after the first.  From single to mother of two in less than three years.

Today my boys are 34 months and 16 months.  They are little balls of energy, racing towards milestones, growing at a ridiculous speed and challenging me every day.  They make me laugh, cry, smile and shout on a daily basis and our family and house are full of love.  

Today I took a pregnancy test.  My period was only two days late - something that has happened so many times, I barely even register it.  I don't really have any symptoms other than tiredness, which I had put down to lighter mornings (thank you sunshine!) and a crazily busy June.  I took a test because of the dreams.  Every night this week I have dreamed of being pregnant.  I woke to find myself with a pillow between my legs and under tummy, just as I slept when I was pregnant before.  I took a test because my head had doubts and I needed to quiet them.  The test was positive.

Today is a Tuesday, which means I have four under fours in my charge.  One is asleep in my bed, one in Archie's cot, one in Dylan's bed and one in the buggy.  Despite what my head may have been telling me, I was so sure that this test would be negative, that I decided nap time was the best time - knowing I have 5 more hours left with 4 children, knowing that I then have an hour of dinner, bath and bedtime with the boys before I can speak to the bloke.

I put tissue over the test and counted to one hundred and eighty, possibilities floating through my head.  I wondered how I would feel when the test was negative - whether I would mourn a baby that never was, because the idea was so real? After the time was up, I slowly lifted the tissue off of the test to reveal two strong dark lines.  I didn't need to check the box, I knew what that meant.

My first response was not joy,  but fear.  This baby is not planned.  I have made no secret of wanting another, but the bloke is so adamant that our family is complete.  Even though I have been feeling broody for months, I have been aware that now is not the time for another baby.  I am not ready.  We are not ready.  How do I tell someone that they are to be a father again?  How do I tell a close friend who has just miscarried after trying for over a year that I am having another unplanned baby? How do we go forward from this?

I know I will love this baby, I will want it, it will be part of our family, but right now things are just a bit scary.  Just as I imagined at 18, my future is so full of possibilities - so much so, that it is almost overwhelming.  By my calculations I am five weeks pregnant, which will mean this baby is due in March 2015 - When Dylan is 3.5 years and Archie just turned 2.  

I am pregnant

6 weeks pregnant

According to my app, 6 weeks is an important milestone as it marks half way through the first trimester.  The reality is that this is just the beginning, and more specifically, the beginning of the hardest part of pregnancy in my opinion.  Suddenly the fatigue has taken on a whole new level and I am thankful every day that the boys both nap together.  I am in bed sometimes three hours earlier than I was before, and still feel drained during the day.

I need to eat regularly, something I have always been aware of, but the effects are magnified during pregnancy.  If I attempt to go longer than three hours without eating anything then I start feeling hot and sweaty, the room starts spinning and I need to lie down.  At the same time, my appetite has shrunk and I eat half as much as I was.  In all honesty this isn't really an issue, as long as I manage it.  Carrying round snack bars, orange juice cartons or other easy snacks means I can control it completely.

As for my tummy, it certainly knows what to do, with this being my third baby in as many years.  Thanks to that I am sporting a rather rounder shape.  I know that at this point the baby is so low in my pelvis that it is all bloating, but that makes it no easier to hide, and with another 6/7 weeks before I want to make any announcements, I think this is going to get tough! I have to get through all of July and most of August, the months when I want to wear vests and little tops, but will instead be pulling off the baggy T-shirt look!

The bloke and I are starting to come to terms with things.  We are still in shock, still worrying about the logistics, the reality of three under fours, but this is our baby, a sibling for our boys and we will love it just as much as we do them.

7 Weeks Pregnant

7 weeks still seems so far from that 12 week point of perceived safety, but my tummy seems to think that this pregnancy shouldn't stay a secret for much longer.  I have been thankful for the cooler, wetter weather this week, as it has made it easier to wear loose layers and also to keep cool in the evenings.

I bought my first maternity item yesterday, a pair of jeans from Primark of all places (maternity jeans for £11!).  I know that at this stage it is just bloating, but I also know my tummy isn't going to get any smaller for quite a considerable period of time and as my normal jeans are already uncomfortable, and as I am undoing them every time I sit down, I saw no harm in splashing out a cheap £11 on something more comfortable.  I am worried that if anyone notices me wearing them I may get some strange looks!

The tiredness is still making things difficult, but I feel like I am managing it better now, having a rest when the children nap rather than trying to nap, making sure I sit down plenty in the day and eating and drinking a little healthier.  In the last couple of weeks I have been wanting Coca Cola a lot, and I think this is a reaction to the tiredness. Caffeine and sugar is a sure fix when I am not pregnant, but it just hasn't been hitting the spot recently.  I have substituted it for orange juice which is much healthier and I can already feel the difference.  I am eating more wholemeal and snacking on carrot sticks and hummus rather than crisps like before.

I already feel a need to sleep with a pillow between my legs and find myself tossing and turning at night.  It might be my body remembering pregnancy from the last time or it may be the evening heat and me not sleeping as deeply.  A pregnancy pillow is definitely on my list of must buys for the next trimester as I stupidly threw away mine from the last pregnancy.

All in all, I am feeling much better.  I am excited about this baby, and I can't wait to see his or her little heart beating on a screen in only 6 weeks time.

8 weeks pregnant

I told my brother this week, and he responded with 'I did notice you had piled on the pounds'! I have a very definite bump and it is getting harder to hide.

This week I have been getting better at controlling the tiredness, learning when I need to sit down, taking naps with the boys and eating more wholemeal to give energy throughout the day.  It is still there though and after an incredibly busy Saturday (when I decided to get up at 4:45 for the Next sale even though we had plans for the whole day), I suffered on Sunday, having to spend most of the morning in bed as I struggled to get up.

This week has got me even more worried as a child's birthday party informed me that so many of my friends are trying for a baby and I feel terrible being pregnant with a child we hadn't planned.  I know that life isn't fair, but I am desperately hoping that some of them fall pregnant before I have my 12 week scan!

I will have my midwife appointment this week (at 8 weeks + 2 days) which will be my first contact and I hope to get booked in for my 12 week scan as I really need a date to count down to.  I have so many fears about silent miscarriage that I am desperate for some reassurance that little Pretzel (yep, bump is called Pretzel) is growing happily in there.  

I think I may fish my maternity bits out of the loft this week as my clothes are all getting a bit uncomfortable and I don't seem to own nearly as many floaty tops as I need!

9 Weeks Pregnant 

After an initial slow start, having a jam packed summer means that time is going much faster and I have found myself at nine weeks pregnant quicker than I imagined.  The three weeks or so wait to have a scan still seems long, but I am only getting closer.  I have my booking appointment this week and I am already feeling nervous of the inevitable needle and blood removal.

I am starting to feel on top of the tiredness, and this is worrying me as much as it is nice.  I am feeling fewer symptoms now, something that usually comes around 12 weeks and not nine, and I have a constant worry that the scan will show a missed miscarriage.  I do still feel more tired, but I have stopped napping in the day now and am barely going to bed any earlier.

I am still getting light headed spells, and any physical exertion needs to be followed by 5 minutes on the sofa to recover.  The heat is difficult, and add in a buggy with two heavy toddlers and a hill, and I am ready to lie down for a rest in the middle of the street some days.

I don't feel as bloated as I did earlier in the month, which has given me a little more freedom with clothes, although anything fitted is completely out the picture as I am still rather round.

The excitement is building as this becomes more real and the nerves are kicking in much as they did with the last two pregnancies.  I want to tell people, but the sensible side of me knows that until I have seen that precious little flicker of a heartbeat that tells me that everthing is ok, that I am just not ready to.  This next month will see my biggest boy turning three, my littlest one hitting one and a half and a birthday for me too.  Hopefully somewhere in the middle we will get confirmation that baby number three will be joining us as well in March next year.

To see our pregnancy annoucement, please click here


  1. Ahhh, I think it's do great you wrote these, the emotions and feelings are all over the place in early weeks and it's nice to get those thoughts out in words. I think it's always a bit scary when you get a positive pregnancy test, I know that as much as I'd planned for both mine, my first feeling both times was more fear than anything else, just because you know so much will change and you worry if you're up to it.
    But I just know you'll do great with three. And at least you'll have the newborn stage out of the way before Dylan starts school and you're forced out the door early every morning. ;) x

  2. Brilliant that you wrote this, I remember the first trimester veing very lonely and there wasn't much to read about it x

  3. I love this post, so many different feelings and emotions. You will be fantastic and adapt just like you did from one to two beautiful little boys. xxx

  4. What a wonderful post to be able to publish. Those initial weeks are kept so close, which means it's rare you get the chance to appreciate that you're not alone in some of those thoughts.
    I think your life is choosing the path which most fits your family, and from meeting you there was never a doubt that motherhood is such a wonderfully natural fit. I am so pleased you have found your way, and as you grow as a family of five- I look forward to lots more Me and Mine posts to see the family continue to flourish.

  5. I love this post, seeing your first thoughts on the pregnancy and how you are finding it since. I cannot wait to follow you through the pregnancy x

  6. I always love the honesty of your posts. I can imagine that the logistics of a third are scary and daunting, with your other two sweet little mucnhkins being so young.... but it seems like you have a wonderful infrastructure of friends and family who love you and will help out wherever they can. You seem like a determined lady, who will make it all a great success.

    I'm looking forward to following through your pregnancy with you.

  7. Congratulations again and again. Wow three under three you are going to be super woman! I am so excited for you. I have always wanted three really close in age but the MR has cut me off at two. lol I can imagine it will be a jammed packed few years but in the end having three so close will be so much fun as they get a bit older. Growing up so close together and bonding and liking the same things. I found it hard to hide my second bump I think the more times we are pregnant the faster the bump comes on. Glad you have a supportive family around you. Can't wait to read all about your pregnancy and meet your new addition to the family. It flies by.

  8. Love your blog! You have some very interesting posts and I love reading about your experiences.

    Please go have a look at my blog, I published my first post yesterday and would love any feedback / comments


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