A Girl

I always knew that Dylan was a boy.  From that terrifying moment that I saw those two blue lines that changed everything, I knew I was going to be a mama to a boy.  The twenty week scan only confirmed my intuition and I never really thought about things being any different.  We settled into life, our little family of three and I loved being mama to my boy.  When we found out we were pregnant with our second little bundle, I was convinced that he too would be a boy.  I saw my future as a boy mum - whatever that may entail.

Finn was a huge surprise, but it only made sense to me that he would be a little boy as well. I considered myself to be so lucky to have a trio of boys.  Finn was our last and whilst I thought about the fact I would never get to experience things from the other side, never have a daughter, I was happy and content with my tribe of boys.  I felt certain that it was my role.

When we discovered there was a fourth baby on the way, it wasn't just a shock because we thought we were done, but also because things felt a bit different.  The idea that it may because this was in fact a girl was still hard to accept, but in my heart, I was convinced that it would be a little lady joining 'my boys'

Despite knowing from quite early on that we were growing a girl, it hasn't been an easy thing to get my head around.  I pictured myself surrounded by boys and a baby girl had never been part of that picture.  I was excited from the beginning, of course I was, but it was such a strange concept, that it has taken a while to really get my head around it.

Even this week, I asked the sonographer at my growth scan to check the sex - just incase they had missed something, and for the fifth time they told me that this is a baby girl.  In only a few weeks we will be parents to a daughter, my boys will have a sister and I will get to experience everything that comes with having a little girl (the nappy changing is scaring me already!)

I haven't gone crazy with the pink, in fact there is very little of it in her wardobe, and you won't find frills or bows either.  I can't work out if it just isn't my 'thing' or whether three boys has made me nervous of it.  This little lady has some beautiful clothes waiting for her though, lots of unisex styles and plenty of girly things in blues, purples and yellows.  Finn's clothes have always been bright and plenty come from the girl's section so she has plenty of hand me downs to grow into still.  

I know that really a baby is a baby and unless you are changing their nappy, there isn't much difference, but there are things that come with raising a girl that I know will be different to raising boys.  I am hoping it all falls into place, that by the time these differences take shape, I will feel more natural in my role as mama to boys and a girl.  I keep wondering whether she will be 'one of the boys', or will she assert her femininity from an early age?  She will be given the same opportunities, the same rules, the same toys and the same love as her brothers of course, but how will things be different with a girl?

For now I am enjoying the final weeks with my boys - these boys who couldn't be more different if they tried.  I always considered that I had 'one of each' because Dylan and Archie were such opposites and I can only imagine that very soon there will be four completely seperate and opposing personalities living together in this house as siblings.  This little girl is going to have three big brothers to protect her,  to love her, to wrestle with her and to teach her and I think she is going to be a pretty lucky little girl because of that.

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8 Months Pregnant

8 months pregnant, baby girl bump, 35 weeks pregnant belly

On the first of June, this pregnancy and this baby suddenly became a whole lot more real.  Rather than an event in the future, I had to admit that I was due next month and suddenly all the instincts which I had been missing decided to kick in.  I went from completely disorganised, to staying up until 2am building furniture so that this little lady will have some drawers of her very own.  I organised all the little clothes and packed them away, washed the shell of the Snuzpod and started to get my head around the fact we will soon be a 6.

I am now 8 months pregnant which means that there is only a month until my due date and only a matter of days until I am considered 'term'.  I am starting to feel much more excited about having a little baby around again but still completely not ready for her arrival either.

This month I feel like my growth has really slowed down, but at the same time I seem to constantly have limbs up in my ribs so it may be that baby has moved position.  I am convinced this little one is going to be into martial arts of some kind as some of the kicks and punches I get are strong enough to take my breath away or make me sit up very straight.  Considering my placenta is at the front again that is quite impressive and I don't remember Finn being so strong.  I think the bump has definitely dropped over the last week, but I don't know whether she is engaged yet or not - at the last midwife check she was completely free.

The heartburn I was experiencing has pretty much gone and my bladder still seems to be coping well.  I wake up in the night to turn over but I don't have to get out of bed (other than for Finn).  My feet seem a long way off but I still feel quite physically active and have no problems navigating soft play with the boys or going for long walks.  I can walk all day, but standing still is hard, and I get light headed if I stay in one place too long.

This last month is about preparing the boys for a new arrival and enjoying my final weeks where I can refer to my family as 'my boys'.  I always thought it would be just us, that I would always get to use that term and I think anything else is going to take some getting used to.

This last month has brought up lots of questions and I have found myself explaining the role of the placenta to a four year old as well as showing them lots of google images of quite how this baby fits in my tummy.  It has been really lovely seeing their curiosity, even if I don't always have the answers.

This week I have a growth scan, consultant appointment and a home visit from the midwife to talk through my plans for the birth.  As I approach term it looks like my home birth plans are all go, but I am hoping for co-operation from the whole team.  

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4 Months Pregnant

I am 4 months pregnant, or 18 weeks-ish.  I am considering 4 months to mean I have 5 months left until my due date.  I blogged fortnightly through my last two pregnancies and whilst I want to record this one just as well, I think monthly posts are the way forward this time.

I am four months pregnant with this fourth baby of mine and things seem to be speeding up.  The most overwhelming symptom this time around has been tiredness and unfortunately it isn't letting up much.  I seemed to get my energy back for around two weeks, but it is disappearing again and I am starting to get the feeling that this is the way the next 22-ish weeks are going to go.  I don't need to nap every day, so long as I get plenty of quiet time, don't walk too far or do too much and eat regularly.  Mostly I do need a lie down at some point in the day and the fact that the bloke works from home is making life much easier.  He is able to supervise the boys for a while whilst I get some rest.

My bump popped out very early and still changes shape dramatically across the course of the day.  There is very much a bump first thing in the morning, and it is pretty sizeable too, but by the end of the day I look far further along than I should.  My cravings change daily other than creme eggs which I eat by the carton.  I remember being the same with Archie, I think my body just likes sugar in pregnancy (and when I am not pregnant too to be honest!).  I am mourning the old style creme eggs with the lovely dairy milk chocolate, but the current ones will suffice for now.

I am struggling with blood pressure, or what I assume is blood pressure like I did with all the others.  I can go from feeling ok to being about to pass out pretty quickly and I have sat in the floor of a supermarket recently as I knew I would pass out if I didn't.  I have to carry sweet snacks with me as I can usually feel a faint spell coming and sugar helps a little.

My skin is still incredibly dry, especially on my forehead and I find myself using serums and oil on my face before bed every night and smothering it in moisturiser every morning to try and hide how dry and flaky it is.  I am not even close to that pregnancy glow I remember starting about now with the boys and I feel like my face looks grey and tired most of the time.

We had a private scan at 16 weeks where we found out our Britney bump is a little girl.  I am still waiting for this to be confirmed at our 20 week scan before I really do much shopping, but it is pretty exciting and terrifying knowing there may be a little lady joining our family this summer.  Whilst my heart told me this was a girl from the beginning, my head argued that another little boy was far more likely and I am still getting over the shock!

This month I have been doing a lot of thinking about my options for the birth and at the moment my heart is set on a homebirth - something I will write more about another time.  We have been discussing the sleeping arrangements too as whilst our house has plenty of living space, it is only three bedrooms and there will soon be six of us in here.  The boys are excited and understanding much more, although Finn is still oblivious and Archie hasn't got the memo about not climbing on me yet.

I am not yet half way and I am trying my hardest to savour this pregnancy as it is our last.  It is much harder when I feel so rough most of the time and I am not feeling the baby kicking yet either but I know I will still look back on this part and wish I had enjoyed it more.  I love having a bump and realising what amazing things our bodies are capable of.  I can't wait to meet this little person inside me who already has very long legs (Every single antenatal scan with every single child of mine the sonographer has opened with a line about how long baby's legs are!) and three big brothers to love her.  I can't wait to see her again at our anomoly scan and my shopping wist list is getting out of control!

This picture is from after dinner at 18 weeks, I haven't been great at remembering to take regular bump shots so this is all I have.

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