I always knew that Dylan was a boy. From that terrifying moment that I saw those two blue lines that changed everything, I knew I was going to be a mama to a boy. The twenty week scan only confirmed my intuition and I never really thought about things being any different. We settled into life, our little family of three and I loved being mama to my boy. When we found out we were pregnant with our second little bundle, I was convinced that he too would be a boy. I saw my future as a boy mum - whatever that may entail.
When we discovered there was a fourth baby on the way, it wasn't just a shock because we thought we were done, but also because things felt a bit different. The idea that it may because this was in fact a girl was still hard to accept, but in my heart, I was convinced that it would be a little lady joining 'my boys'
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Finn was a huge surprise, but it only made sense to me that he would be a little boy as well. I considered myself to be so lucky to have a trio of boys. Finn was our last and whilst I thought about the fact I would never get to experience things from the other side, never have a daughter, I was happy and content with my tribe of boys. I felt certain that it was my role.
Despite knowing from quite early on that we were growing a girl, it hasn't been an easy thing to get my head around. I pictured myself surrounded by boys and a baby girl had never been part of that picture. I was excited from the beginning, of course I was, but it was such a strange concept, that it has taken a while to really get my head around it.
Even this week, I asked the sonographer at my growth scan to check the sex - just incase they had missed something, and for the fifth time they told me that this is a baby girl. In only a few weeks we will be parents to a daughter, my boys will have a sister and I will get to experience everything that comes with having a little girl (the nappy changing is scaring me already!)
I haven't gone crazy with the pink, in fact there is very little of it in her wardobe, and you won't find frills or bows either. I can't work out if it just isn't my 'thing' or whether three boys has made me nervous of it. This little lady has some beautiful clothes waiting for her though, lots of unisex styles and plenty of girly things in blues, purples and yellows. Finn's clothes have always been bright and plenty come from the girl's section so she has plenty of hand me downs to grow into still.
I know that really a baby is a baby and unless you are changing their nappy, there isn't much difference, but there are things that come with raising a girl that I know will be different to raising boys. I am hoping it all falls into place, that by the time these differences take shape, I will feel more natural in my role as mama to boys and a girl. I keep wondering whether she will be 'one of the boys', or will she assert her femininity from an early age? She will be given the same opportunities, the same rules, the same toys and the same love as her brothers of course, but how will things be different with a girl?
For now I am enjoying the final weeks with my boys - these boys who couldn't be more different if they tried. I always considered that I had 'one of each' because Dylan and Archie were such opposites and I can only imagine that very soon there will be four completely seperate and opposing personalities living together in this house as siblings. This little girl is going to have three big brothers to protect her, to love her, to wrestle with her and to teach her and I think she is going to be a pretty lucky little girl because of that.
