The Last Firsts

Every first is exciting and we are experiencing them so regularly.  First smiles, first steps, first day at school.  Dylan had his first sports day recently and it was amazing watching him run alongside his class,  playing as a team, jumping in a sack.  With Cora we are dealing with the last firsts though.  She is our last baby, the final member of our team and her firsts will be the last ones we marvel at, the last ones I photograph with joy, the last ones we proudly share with the world.  

Cora's first day was the last time I will hold a brand new baby of my own.  Her first bath was the last time I will cuddle a baby so tiny in the water, her first steps will signify the end of having a baby in our house.

Everything about knowing she is our last baby is emotional.  I love this stage, the squishy newborn bubble of sleep deprivation, nappy changing and sleepy cuddles.  I know how quickly these early days go and I still can't get my head around the fact that this baby girl of ours is already six weeks old.  Every day feels so precious knowing I will never hold my baby this small and fragile again.  Every first of hers is a last for me and every day, week and month that passes is a step closer to the next stage and the end of this one.

Dylan's first are so exciting, a step forward, something new for us all.  Archie's are anticipated and amazing still, Finn's are so special as we remember how far he has come and Cora's are wonderful and slightly sad at the same time.  Today I packed away her 'up to one month' clothes, and they are going to be passed on to another newborn, not saved for one of mine.

This is the last time I will watch the boys welcome a new sibling, watch their faces as they take in how tiny this new person is, watch the beginnings of their relationship.  I am taking comfort in the fact I get to watch it all develop, see them grow together hoping the four of them stay close.

The first big smile that I am so eagerly awaiting will be the last time I spend so long trying to get a baby to show me affection.  The first time Cora starts to crawl will be the last time that we babyproof the house, her first day of school will by the end of having a child at home.  I am so excited to be part of their childhoods, so blessed to be their mother and get to experience it all, but please can we just slow things down a little? I am not ready for any more last firsts.