A love like this.

I have never known a love like this.  So strong, so fierce, so all encompassing, so blinding, so powerful.  As her little hands grip tighter and tighter around my neck, her hot, hot head nuzzling further into my neck and her perfect little body presses against mine, trying to become one with me yet again.

I have never felt needed like this. I have never been everything to someone, an answer to every question.  When she is sad I comfort, when she is hungry I feed, when she is cold I wrap her up in my arms.  I am needed with such urgency and so completely.

I have never understood contentment like this.  I have never felt so close to the generations and generations of women who came before me.  I have never understood how somebody else feels so intently until I felt this feeling myself.

I don't remember it lasting this long with the others, not in the same way anyway.  I felt it all with each one of them though - the raw, primal need for me, but with her it is still the same as it was when she was so new and tiny.  Not all the time, not everyday but enough.  Others can now feed her and satisfy her thirst.  She will go to you for a game or a cuddle.  She will hold her hands out to you to ask a question, look at you curiously with her big blue eyes.  But when she needs me, nobody else will do.  I am her mother, I am the one and now, as she lies feverish in my arms, her whole body warm to the touch, I know that it is me she needs, I know that even in her fitful slumber she is aware that I am the one holding her and she is more peaceful because of that.

Nothing ever prepared me for parenthood, for this love

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The Mummy Adventure

I do my best thinking when I am walking.  It seems so cruel that I feel at my most creative when I don't have an opportunity to record it and I often compose whole blog posts in my head that I cannot recreate at all when I finally put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard.  This is one of those.

After two years and three months of recording our lives, I thought I would explain why I called my little space on the internet 'The Mummy Adventure'.  I have touched on it in the past, but I wanted to try and put into words the thought behind the name.

I don't think being a mother is a job.  I don't see it as a role or an occupation.  I see motherhood as a journey, an adventure.  It doesn't matter if your child was planned and longed for or a careless accident after a few too many tequilas on a Friday night.  It doesn't matter if it took 10 years of trying, hormone treatments and IVF or those two blue lines appeared completely unexpectedly.  It doesn't matter if your child has your genetics or not.  That first time that you touch those tiny little fingers, the first time you see those ten precious toes, the first time you hear those little lungs announcing his arrival, that is the very first day.

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