Monday 24 October 2016

The Nights

The nights are long with a baby, and too short at the same time.  We see far too much of them, every half an hour some nights but we wake up wishing that morning was a little later, that we could spend longer tucked up.

Cora's sleep is erratic, we have nights where she sleeps well and nights where we she seems to have her eyes open more than shut.  I love the ease of breastfeeding, that I don't have to leave my bed in the night, that I don't have to really wake up to feed my baby.  When she first wakes up, I can lift her on to me and we both drift off together.  

During the night, she feeds when she is hungry, I help her, half asleep myself.  She is close enough that she doesn't need to cry out for me.  Her brothers don't hear her and I sleep lightly so that when she stirs I wake.  

I wake up in the morning to the sound of her breathing, her tiny body against mine.  The days are as long as the nights and so busy with her brothers but these nights are ours, they are the time we can be close.  The early morning, as the light slips in between the curtains and the house is still so peaceful before the chaos, this is our time.  I can watch her sleeping, marvel at how tiny and new she still is, study her features, breathe in that sweet milky smell.  It is our time to just be, in the way I wish I had appreciated more with the first baby.  

The baby phase is far too short and before I know it this little girl of mine will be sleeping independently in her crib, she won't need me in the same way she does now, so completely.  I will only be her whole world for such a short time, and the nights are where I can stop and remember that, and enjoy it, even if my eyes are stinging from the lack of sleep and the morning alarm is coming around too quickly.

Of course I want her to 'sleep through' in some ways - a long stretch of sleep sounds both wonderful and mythical at the moment.  The idea of my little baby sleeping all night is also a little sad though too - another sign that she is growing up, leaving the last phase behind and entering a new one.  For now we are just going with the flow, knowing (and reminding myself regularly) that things won't be like this forever.


2 comments:

  1. We've been Co-sleeping for a while now,and i agree, it is so much easier for breastfeeding. The last 4 nights though we've been putting Isla in her cot. As much as I love having my bed back and being able to sleep in comfortable positions again, I miss being able to cuddle up to her and watch her sleep! Catch 22!

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  2. Such a lovely description of those first precious months - you are so right, this stage ends all too fast. Co-sleeping is also a great way to make the most of every minute together while breastfeeding on demand.

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