Me

This blog records my life as a mother, our journey as a family and the adventure of childhood.  I love documenting our lives through the ups and downs, special moments and ordinary days.  It has been nearly three years since I became a parent and as my children have grown, we have started to gain little bits of independence from each other.  From the first time they feed themselves, to when they stop needing me to help them sleep, to my return to work and the boys spending whole days without me.

The independence is bittersweet, in that I miss them terribly, I don't want to miss any moments or admit that they are growing up.  On the other hand, I love having more freedom and time to remember my other passions.  Other interests have taken a back seat as I enjoy the fleeting youth of my boys, but sometimes after a long day I just need to walk.

I love to walk.  In the evenings, before the sun has set, when the paths are empty except for a rare dog walker and there is a silence and peace that I don't find in my day.  I watch the tide coming in, the seagulls combing the beach for any left over chips and the sun setting over the coastline.  I think, and day dream and write whole stories in my head.  I notice things that I miss in the day, stop to smell and touch and watch.  I drift off into my own world, without a thought as to where I am walking.

Sometimes I take my camera, and actually photograph things other than my children.  I breathe the fresh sea air and find an energy I thought the day had taken from me.  I take some time for just me - time that I took for granted for so long, but now seems like a luxury.  

And then I come home, desperate to see my babies, to give them a cuddle and a kiss and to tuck their blankets back in.

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How much do you play with your child?

Parental guilt is something that seems to start before the baby is born and last until . . . well does it end?  The reasons for the guilt change as the child does but there is always something you could be doing different, better.  My current guilt lies in the question 'do I play with my child enough?'

We don't talk about the times we leave them too it whilst we tidy/hang the washing out/ clean the bathroom/ wash up or that portion of the day we may put the telly on as we drink a cup of tea and check facebook.  The truth is that I do not play with Dylan all day.  I love the fact that he can entertain himself.  Surround him with a box and some balls and there is an hour's entertainment, throwing them all in, emptying them out again - the cycle goes on.

Obviously we play together.  We build towers, talk to the puppets, read books and have cuddles.  But do we do it enough? How much parental stimulation do they need?  Everyday Dylan and I go out, whether it is to see friends, to a baby group, to the park or to the beach.  Everyday we read a book, we eat our lunch together and we have cuddles.  But there are still signifigant portions of the day where I am in the same room but doing my own thing.

I love my son to bits and am greatful that I get to stay at home with him during the week, but spending all day on the floor talking to an eleven month old would drive me crazy!  The monotony of tower building, ball throwing, button pushing and shape sorting can get a bit too much for me.  I think teaching a child independant play is also a great thing for them as long as they know you are there if they need you. 

So I would love to hear from you, how much do you play with your child?  Do you ever feel guilt that you are not doing it enough? It was only recently that I confided in a friend my worries and it was so reassuring to know we shared this guilt and we both gave our children plenty of time for independent play.  I am sure we are not the only ones out there with these worries?!?

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