With three boys already I am sure you can imagine the comments I am getting as I announce this pregnancy. Wouldn't it be lovely if this were to be a girl, surely we must want a girl after three boys, were we trying for a girl? The truth is we would love a baby girl, although the concept seems alien to me after four years of raising boys. We would love a fourth boy just as much, although yes, maybe it would be a shame to have never known any different.
I really had no preference when I was pregnant the first time, it didn't even occur to me to want one or the other, but when we found out we were pregnant with number two I was secretly hoping it was a second little boy - with the close age gap I could imagine myself with two little boys, driving trains around the living room, kicking a football together at the park and sitting under a blanket together watching films one day.
Finding out about our third little baby was a shock, and what I wanted more than a choice of gender was a baby who would stay small that bit longer. Dylan grew so fast and Archie grew up so fast, I wanted a baby. I got my wish, maybe too much as Finn took so long to grow, but at 10 months he still feels very much like a baby. He still fits perfectly in my arms, still sleeps cosily on my chest and he has the calmness of a baby much younger than himself at times.
After having Finn, with this baby, my one wish if I was to be granted one is that he or she is born healthy. That I can spend those precious first weeks enjoying my little bundle rather than worrying whether he would survive and what quality of life he would have. I want a baby I can have at home with me, who can settle straight into his or her place in our new bigger family. Whether this baby is a girl or boy really isn't my priority, I fully understand the fact that healthy is the most important thing.
Somedays I think I would really like a little girl, I spot something adorable that a boy just couldn't pull off, I think about my favourite girls names that we have never had an opportunity to use and I wonder what life with a daughter would be like. Other days I think a little boy would complete our family, a little buddy for Finn, a quad of boys that will grow up so close together. I naturally gravitate towards the boys section in shops, I love my sons and another would be amazing.
I don't feel like I 'know' as much as I did with the other three. I was so certain they were boys, and whilst my head still tells me this is another, I haven't bought anything yet, I don't have the same conviction. In many ways this pregnancy is very much the same. I have escaped the nausea and sickness again and my biggest symptoms are tiredness and a rapidly expanding waistline. My cravings are still a mix of sweet, salty and dairy with macaroni cheese, ready salted crisps and flake bars coming top of the list - very similar to the others. There are differences though, noticeably in that the tiredness this time has been exhaustion and debilitating at times. I have had my first tastes of heartburn (probably because I lay down for most of the day) and the skin on my face is suddenly incredibly dry.
We will definitely be finding out, I don't have the patience not to, and I am tempted to book a private scan and find out early this time, This is most definitely our last pregnancy (I know I said that last time but it really is now) and so I almost feel like I want to try a new experience - a private gender scan and finding out early. We don't have a great nub shot and Britney seems to fall somewhere in the middle when it comes to skull theory. Opinion seems to be split as do the old wives tales. I still think this is our fourth baby boy but the bloke thinks it is a girl - we will be finding out in the next few weeks.