Showing posts with label letter to my son. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letter to my son. Show all posts

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Before you turn Four



At three you can still be considered a toddler, but Archie, when you wake up you will be four and I will have to admit that that phase of your life has passed.  The countdown to school has began and you are ready for it in so many ways.  Really, you stopped being a toddler quite a while ago but behind the excitement of each new stage, I am reluctant to let go of the last one.


Three was the year we cut off your beautiful hair and I cried real tears in the middle of the hairdressers.  I have found peace with your new style and it suits you.  You are never mistaken for a girl anymore, it doesn't get in your face as you run and hair washes are so much easier.  It was the right choice (I will begrudgingly admit) but I did love your long blonde locks.

Every year you change so much and I can see quite how much you have grown since I wrote to you one year ago.  You are still exactly the same though, unapologetically you, determined, loyal, loving and wild.  I wrote as you turned two about how you were happier with your brother around and that is still true - you fit in perfectly in our big family, a playful little brother and a loving big one.  You and Dylan are the best of friends (although you fight like only brothers can), you and Finn are becoming real playmates now and you are so caring with Cora.  I look at the photos from the day before you turned one and I still recognise those expressions, that you.


You are happiest naked and have refused to wear any form of pyjamas or clothes around the house for a while now.  You have no problem snuggling under a blanket with me though, warming your icy feet on my skin and cuddling in close.  You still love to cuddle and I have to admit you give the best cuddles.  You can cheer me up in seconds with you arms around my neck and I dread the day you stop wanting to be so close. 

Your imagination has really developed this year, you talk absolute nonsense sometimes and you and Dylan are often in your own world together.  I love listening at your door after I put you to bed as you stay up and chat and watching you playing with your Lego, singing made up songs as you do.  This imagination did lead to the 'Mystery bandit' in our house who was responsible for all kinds of mischief and was never seen at the same time as you.  He has thankfully gone now although things are still blamed on him (by all members of the family).


As a three year old you became a big brother (again) and took it all in your stride as you always do.  You are wonderful with Cora and she is a lucky little girl to have you as a big brother.

At three you were bright, sociable, loving, energetic and bold.  You have learned to concentrate on things a little better, sit still a little longer, climb a little higher and communicate a little clearer.  I can't wait to see what adventures four has in stock for you.

Before you turn four, as I kiss you goodnight for the last time as my three year old, I just want you to know how truly loved you are


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Monday, 1 August 2016

Nun Night Four Year Old

My baby boy, what a year this has been for you, life has changed for us all, but for you the most.  As a four year old you have started school and considering you are one of the youngest in your year, you have thrived and exceeded.  You walked in on your first day with such confidence and your love for learning has never wavered.  You have thrived  in the classroom, made friends in the playground and gone in with a smile on your face every day.  

As a four year old you have learned to ski - something I didn't do until I was in my twenties.  Considering you are naturally quite cautious, you ended up ahead in your class and on the green slopes by the end of the week.  We were so proud, not so much of how well you did, but of how well you tried, putting in so much effort every day.

It was as a four year old that you became a big brother for the third time - something not many your age can say! You have so much love for all your younger siblings and I think your little sister will soon have you wrapped around her finger.  You are protective and caring and the best biggest brother they could all ask for.  You and Archie are still so close, inseperable at times but you do fight like brothers - you both hit out but you make up in seconds.

Four was the age of superheroes, discovering real Lego, playing Christmas at least once a week, questioning everything, collecting football stickers, dropping your nap (apart from the odd occasion), learning to use Netflix, being introduced to computer games and your feet not growing (not even half a size all year). 

Tomorrow you will be 5 and you are pretty excited! You still don't really ask for anything, you are looking forward to getting presents, but you don't know what you want exactly.  You do know that you want to be bigger and you defintely want birthday cake.

It seems crazy to think it was five years ago that you made me a mama, 5 years since you came into our lives and changed everything. You started everything, your brothers and sister wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.  You turned us from a couple into a family five whole years ago.  That baby I held in my arms with long legs and round cheeks has become a wonderful child.  No longer a baby, a toddler or a preschooler but well and truly a child.  You are polite, caring and loyal.  You make us laugh and you frustrate us too.  You can hear a packet of biscuits being opened from a different room but like most males I know you have pretty selective hearing! 

My baby boy, on the eve of your fifth birthday I need you to know how much I love you, how proud I am of the boy you have become and how much I enjoy being your mama.  You challenge me every day and I am the person I am because of you.



Sleep tight my gorgeous four year old,  for tomorrow is a big day.
Love Mummy xxxxxxxx
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Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Tomorrow You are One

I always knew this was going to be an emotional post to write, and as I sat in tears shortly after you were born not knowing whether we would see this day and whether everything I hoped for you would come true, this day was just a distant wish.  Your birth was speedy and empowering, you were so tiny and so perfect and I felt complete as I held you in my arms as the sun rose on your first day.  I never expected our world to come crumbling down so soon after and as they wheeled you away from me a few hours later, I felt lost, helpless and terrified.

We were told you were born with a virus that would affect you for the rest of your life.  We were warned you would not grow up like your brothers, that the possibilities of your outcome were so wide that it was hard to speculate, but that there were things you may never do and milestones you may never reach.  We left hospital when you were three weeks old with a tiny baby who had his whole life ahead of him, whatever that may mean.

You didn't grow, you didn't try and when we got readmitted to hospital you were still as tiny and weak as a newborn.  Everything was going wrong, every certainty I had about the way I would parent you was being cruelly taken away from us and I struggled to remain positive when we had no idea what was going on.  

We reached a turning point though, about 4 months in when you rolled for the very first time.  I wasn't expecting it, I had learnt by then not to expect anything, but to take each day for what it was, to enjoy you exactly as you are and to find any progress so much more amazing than with the others.  Suddenly you were growing and developing and thriving in ways we hadn't even hoped for and you were smiley and sweet and still perfect.


This time last year I had no idea you would be making an appearance in just a few short hours and today I feel like a different person and a different parent to the one I was then.  Tomorrow you will wake up as a one year old, a beautiful, chunky, happy one year old.  You are exceeding every expectation we ever had and whilst we know things could change, I am continuing to appreciate every day and every milestone for what it is - a wonder.

Today you are crawling, pulling yourself up to standing and even taking a few tentative steps as you grip on tight to furniture or fingers.  You are babbling away, telling us all about your day, even if we don't understand quite what you have to say yet.  Once you finally got the hang of food, you started eating well and now you love feeding yourself, especially if you can find food on the floor.  You can clap and give us a hi 5, you can play and smile and laugh, you can blow kisses and you can entertain us all.  Your brothers adore you and Dylan proclaims you his best friend every day.  You love them right back, suddenly desperate to join in their games, to sit with them to watch tv, to share their snacks.  


We had a big party at the weekend for you and Archie and tomorrow we are not up to much.  Both the bloke and I have to work and Dylan is at school but it will be a special day regardless as it marks a year since you entered our world. 

This year has taught me patience, how to accept that some things are beyond my control, how to make a bottle, that sometimes we have to practice baby led parenting, even if it goes against what we know.  I have learned to juggle three under fours who all have such different and complex needs, I have met pretty much every pediatric member of staff at our local hospital and I have become an expert in a virus I had never heard of this time last year.  I have learned that no matter how many babies you have, every moment is precious, every milestone is an amazing achievement and that with the right friends and family around you, nothing is too big to get through. 


Tomorrow you are one and I owe most of this to you.  Your beautiful smile with those two little bottom teeth will be what wakes me up in the morning and your cuddles will inevitably be the start of my day.  You are perfect to us, you are thriving and you are a ray of sunshine in our everyday.

This has been a tough year and you are our miracle.  Happy Birthday baby boy, Happy Birthday Finn.  You are loved more than I ever knew you could be

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Tuesday, 16 February 2016

Before you turn Three

It is crazy how much can change in such a short time and it is the time of year again that I read through old posts and wonder at quite how we have gotten to this place.  It was three years ago I went to bed clueless that you were on your way.  It was two years ago that I wrote you this and exactly 365 days ago since I kissed you as a one year old for the last time.  

Tomorrow you will wake up and be three and I can't quite believe it.  This year has been crazy, full and sweet.  Your little brother arrived soon after your birthday and the weeks that followed were stressful, fraught and I wasn't as present as you needed me to be.  He finally came home and we all had to adjust to a new way of life.  You became a big brother, and you are a great one.  This year you have changed from a toddler to a little boy.  I still cling on to the toddler label but really I see a small person in front of me with his own clear ideas, a wonderful way of communicating and a confidence that rarely wavers.


Your short sentences have become paragraphs and your ability to express yourself has grown exponentially.  You are articulate, capable and always have something to say.  You are the most loving child, you can't get enough cuddles and sometimes it feels like you are trying to get inside my skin.  You crave closeness and touch, you want to love with your whole body and I find your arms wrapped around my neck, your legs around my waist and your head buried in my neck several times a day.  

You want to experience everything with the whole of you still, something I saw in you early on that hasn't changed.  A puddle can't just be jumped in, you need to see how the water reacts to your fingers too.  You want to walk along every raised surface, touch every leaf and stop to listen to every sound.  You are physical in ways your brother isn't and I was amazed to watch you skiing last month on our holiday in France.  Not many two year olds can cope with lessons out on the snow, but you weren't going to let that stand in your way.


You are my wild one in so many ways, your hair being the first that people notice.  You don't want it cut and I gave up trying to persuade you.  People often think you are a girl, your blond locks have a life of their own, but we both know it doesn't really matter.  One day you will want it all cut off and that is fine, but for now you look perfect, wild hair and everything.

As you turn three I know our days together are numbered.  School is still a long way off, but preschool isn't and you are signed up to start in April.  Your one day of nursery at the moment is wonderful but I can see you need more and I know you will love the new routine.  I am dreading losing a piece of you though, not knowing so many things about your day and not spending every day with you.  I know it is a part of you growing up, but when you cuddle in to me or ask for magic kisses I remember how little you still are.

You are still little in some ways.  We haven't started potty training yet and you are still in your cot.  I think it is a second baby thing, wanting to keep you smaller for longer.  It doesn't mean you can't climb in and out of your cot quite skillfully, but I climb in every night to give you 'squeezy cuddles' and you are my baby.  

Everything changed the day you entered my world.  I became a different person because of you and you are still teaching me every single day.  You encourage me to be silly and take chances, to stop and watch the squirrels climbing the trees or admire the flowers.  You remind that we all have amazing imaginations even if as adults we don't use them often enough.


As you turn three my baby boy, please stay that, my baby.  You already seem so old sometimes as you constantly check on me, asking me if I am ok, am I happy, is the baby warm enough in there, do I need a cuddle.  Stay true to yourself Archie, as you are quite frankly a wonderful person to be.

Before you turn three, as I kiss you goodnight for the last time as my two year old, I just want you to know how truly loved you are
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Saturday, 1 August 2015

Nun Night Three Year Old

Four years ago to this day I was playing Bingo.  I was having what I now know are contractions every few minutes, but at the time I was convinced that they were just Braxton Hicks.  Four years ago I was on the verge of becoming a mama and I had no idea what I was in for.  I couldn't foresee this little boy that stands before me now, so very nearly four, so ready for something big, yet so young still in so many ways.

This last year has been busy, we have had so many adventures, you have welcomed another little brother into your life and you have done it beautifully, despite the fact nothing really went to plan. Every day we have played, explored, socialised, learned and loved.  This has been the year that you learned to read, to add, to subtract, to ask such intricate questions, to climb, to run with a football, to open a ringpull, to dress yourself, to play memory and to work a tablet.  

You are about to turn four which means school is on the horizon and in so many ways you are oh so ready.  You cannot wait to dress in your smart blue uniform and head off into your purple classroom.  You want to make new friends, play with their toys and discover more about yourself and the world.  You are starting to ask questions that I struggle to answer, and I hope school will encourage your curiosity even further.  We have been discussing electricity a lot recently, you are so fascinated by it all and how things are made is another great topic.  My to do list for the week includes things like googling the inside of a telegraph pole, finding out the temperature that fossil fuels are burned at and coming up with the best answer for how rocks got onto the earth.  You challenge me every day, and I love being on this journey of learning with you.

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Monday, 16 February 2015

Before You Turn Two

As I kissed your head tonight, I thought back to two years ago - a situation I am finding rather familiar as I carry a large bump in front of me, and I remember the excitement, the anticipation, the wonder as you came into the world.  This time two years ago I was clueless that I was soon to meet the boy who would make me the mother I am today, but by the time you wake up tomorrow, it will be two whole years since the first time I held you in my arms and told you I loved you.

This year has seen you change from a baby to a toddler - from a crawling babbling little person into one who walks, runs, jumps and talks.  Every week at the moment we see changes in you as you learn more words and string them together in more complex ways.  Last week we realised that you really did know all your colours now after months of declaring everything to be either yellow or blue.  You have never had a problem communicating what you want, but you are growing up to be polite and confident as you step on to every bus with a 'ticket please lady' (even if the driver is most definitely a man).

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Sunday, 16 February 2014

Before You Turn One

One year and nine and a half months ago, on a cold, wet Sunday afternoon, the bloke and I sat in KFC, a sleeping eight month old beside us in the pushchair and made the decision that we had the space in our hearts and lives to welcome another little baby.  We decided that Dylan would make a wonderful big brother, and we dreamed up a little brother or sister for him.

One year and seven months ago, after a play-date with a friend which left me so tired, I had to ask my mum to look after Dylan whilst I had an afternoon nap.  Later that evening, after a knowing look from her, I took a test and discovered there was a little person growing inside of me, a little squish.

One year and six months ago, the bloke and I nervously sat in the hospital waiting room, whilst Dylan and my mum enjoyed a slice of cake together in the cafe.  We were taken into a dark room, and it was seconds before we saw a beautiful little heartbeat flickering away on the screen - we saw you for the first time.

One year and five and a half months ago, it felt like there was a little butterfly trapped inside my tummy, I felt flutterings, that made me feel so nervous and so excited at the same time.  I lay down with my eyes closed, tuning into your movements, wondering what you would look like, whether you were a little boy like I thought.

One year ago today, I worked my last shift at work before embarking on maternity leave.  It was a long day but my body was coping well and I had no signs that your arrival was imminent.  I waitressed all day and then walked three miles home, enjoying the beautiful sunset and the crisp winter evening.

One year ago tomorrow, I held you for the first time, my tiny newborn baby, my little squish.  I delivered you in a perfect water birth, saw your beautiful big blue eyes, your tiny curled up fists and fell even more in love with you than I already was

51 weeks ago, you finally found your name, and we agreed that you were our little Archie.

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Monday, 19 August 2013

Happy Half Birthday Baby Boy

Archie,

I was warned how fast time would fly with a second baby, but it has still shocked me to wake up and realise you are half a year old already.  Six whole months have passed since that beautiful moment when you entered the world and although it feels like you have always been in our lives, it also feels like no time at all since we became a family of four.

Six exciting, exhausting, emotional and amazing months I have spent watching you grow from a helpless curled up newborn into a curious, smiley baby who is desperate to be on the move.  For six months I have been the proud mama to you two beautiful boys and every day you challenge me, educate me and make me so proud.


You are nothing like your brother, you are eager to be on the move and happiest on your tummy.  You still sleep on your tummy with your squishy little bum high up in the air and it makes me smile every time I see you snoozing away.


We started weaning a couple of weeks ago, and you are finally coming round to the idea.  You have already decided how you want to be fed and we have termed it 'Archie led weaning' as it doesn't seem to fit into either of the common approaches.  You want proper food, but you want it fed straight into your mouth rather than feeding yourself.  It isn't easy and we are trying to convince you to either hold it yourself or take the food from a spoon but you are a determined little man!

At six months I thought your brother was so big but you seem so little still.  Dylan was in his own room by 11 weeks old yet it took me over 5 months to let you sleep in your nursery and I still found it hard.  At 6 months Dylan was wolfing down meals, open to every new taste and desperate for more.  You are not bothered and it takes you quite a while to get used to every new flavour.  At six months, Dylan was sitting up unaided perfectly, yet you can only manage a few seconds before you decide you are happier on your tummy.  You are so much more interested in what is going on around you though and I see your eager eyes taking it all in.  You won't still be sat content at 12 months like him and I can already see you longing to join in with his games.  Despite this comparison to your brother, I am in no hurry for you to grow up.



You are well and truly a mummy's boy and I wouldn't have you any other way.  Your eyes follow me, no matter what else is going on and you are happiest in my arms.  You want to be worn in a sling rather than sat in a pushchair and I find it difficult to leave you knowing that I am the comfort that you always desire.

Baby boy you are perfect just as you are.  Everytime you catch my eye and offer me that beautiful smile I remember exactly what is important and why I have the best job in the world - being a Mama to you.

Happy half birthday Archie
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