I still remember the first time I saw those two blue lines - it is not a day I think I will ever forget. December 13th, the wind was blowing, the rain was falling and I had a long day of work ahead. There was a voice in the back of my head reminding me that I hadn't had a period yet, despite me taking the 7 day break in my contraceptive pills, but I was blaming it on too many late nights, not enough rest and a confused body.
Still the niggle wouldn't go away and I realised the only way to put my mind at ease was to pee on a stick. I quickly bought a Boots cheapie on my way to work and took it into the changing rooms without even considering the result. After two minutes, I had changed into my uniform and remembered to check the results.
Two blue lines.
I had never seen two blue lines before and I grabbed the packet to make sure it meant what I suspected.
Still in disbelief, I left the staff room to start my shift, walking round in a daze of daydreams, wondering how often the tests were wrong. 3 hours later and it was time for a break. I rang my best friend and asked her what it meant. She told me straight up, you can have a false negative, but not a false positive. I still wasn't convinced and blamed the value test, so a trip back to Boots for a Clear Blue and a trip to the public toilets later, I was the proud owner of 3 positive pregnancy test. My heart seemed to stop and any thoughts that
were in my head where replaced by the image of those two blue lines.
I was pregnant.
I returned to work and told them I had been violently sick and needed to go home, only I couldn't go home. I had moved back in with my parents for a while and that was the last place I wanted to be. I wandered and tried to think, but I couldn't get the image out the way. I finally got the courage to text the bloke and ask him to meet me straight from work in a local pub.
I sat in the pub waiting. I ordered a coffee and then panicked that I shouldn't be drinking caffeine so sat there just watching it. Eventually the bloke, the man I had been with for only 4 months walked through the door with a big bouquet of flowers in his hands. He knew something was up and came and gave me the biggest hug.
I had spent two hours wondering how to tell him but in the end I just whispered in his ear 'I'm pregnant'. I can't tell you what expression was on his face as he didn't move. He didn't let go, he just held me. He told me it was ok and that he would hold me until I told him to let go. He couldn't have reacted better and we stayed that way a long time.
I think we both knew straight away what we would do. We were not children any more and we had created a living thing, a foetus, a baby. We both asked the question and we both answered. This was the beginning of something and we were about to embark on an adventure.
When Dylan was 8 months old, we decided that we wanted another little baby. Despite him being so completely and utterly unplanned, we were enjoying parenthood, had fallen deeper in love as a couple and wanted a playmate for our beautiful boy. My body was still not back in a rhythm due to breastfeeding but we decided to see what happened.
Two days after returning from Britmums Live, (6 weeks later) I felt completely and utterly exhausted. I thought I was still recovering from a busy and exciting weekend but when my mum came round to visit, I ended up going for a nap whilst she looked after Dylan. As she was leaving, she asked if there was anything I wanted to tell her, and feeling a little baffled, I answered 'no'.
She got me thinking though, and feeling restless that evening, I decided to do a test just in case. I didn't tell the bloke, I just disappeared for a shower, clear blue in hand.
It took less than 5 seconds for the two blue lines to show up.
I looked down and smiled - the biggest smile.
My whole body felt excited and I ran out of the bathroom, stick in hand to tell the bloke our amazing news. A new life, A new baby, A new brother for our beautiful boy.
One year ago I felt the elation of finding out I was pregnant.
Both babies are equally loved and equally wanted. If I could go back in time then I wouldn't change a thing, but finding out you are pregnant can be the scariest and the most amazing thing in the world.