Thursday 5 July 2012

How much do you play with your child?


Parental guilt is something that seems to start before the baby is born and last until . . . well does it end?  The reasons for the guilt change as the child does but there is always something you could be doing different, better.  My current guilt lies in the question 'do I play with my child enough?'

We don't talk about the times we leave them too it whilst we tidy/hang the washing out/ clean the bathroom/ wash up or that portion of the day we may put the telly on as we drink a cup of tea and check facebook.  The truth is that I do not play with Dylan all day.  I love the fact that he can entertain himself.  Surround him with a box and some balls and there is an hour's entertainment, throwing them all in, emptying them out again - the cycle goes on.

Obviously we play together.  We build towers, talk to the puppets, read books and have cuddles.  But do we do it enough? How much parental stimulation do they need?  Everyday Dylan and I go out, whether it is to see friends, to a baby group, to the park or to the beach.  Everyday we read a book, we eat our lunch together and we have cuddles.  But there are still signifigant portions of the day where I am in the same room but doing my own thing.

I love my son to bits and am greatful that I get to stay at home with him during the week, but spending all day on the floor talking to an eleven month old would drive me crazy!  The monotony of tower building, ball throwing, button pushing and shape sorting can get a bit too much for me.  I think teaching a child independant play is also a great thing for them as long as they know you are there if they need you. 

So I would love to hear from you, how much do you play with your child?  Do you ever feel guilt that you are not doing it enough? It was only recently that I confided in a friend my worries and it was so reassuring to know we shared this guilt and we both gave our children plenty of time for independent play.  I am sure we are not the only ones out there with these worries?!?





14 comments:

  1. In my personal opinion, you have to strike a balance. My little guy happily plays by himself and I wouldn't ever want to unteach that skill by playing with him all day and him coming to expect it. Independence is a good thing for a portion of the day at least. And as someone who used to teach 4 and 5 year olds, those children who have had adult stimulation all day every day really struggle at school because they need constant attention which isn't possible in a busy classroom scenario.
    We have set times in our day for TV and chilling out with a drink (for me and for him) and then set times for books, or for building, or for other play. But in between he suits himself quite happily. And as long as he's happy I am, besides I'm pretty sure he'd tell me pretty quickly if he was bored. X

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    1. It is good to know I am getting him ready for school. I think we have a balance, well I hope we do anyway. If he gets too fidgety or upset then I play with him more so I guess when he is happy he is fine!

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  2. I play with my girls quite a bit some days and others barely at all. It all depends upon what I am doing, whether it be a bit of housework, cooking or my business. However, both girls keep each other company and can play independently. As the lady above commented, a couple of friends have boys that will do nothing alone and expect all the attention at nursery.

    My girls watch TV, make puzzles, have a large dolls house and, most importantly for us, a garden with sand table, chalk, slides, swings, etc. They are outdoor kids and I'm glad about that.

    Today we have been to the grandparents and are now back home. We've been in for 2 hours and I've not played with them yet. They are out making up all sorts of games in the garden.

    I'm not guilt ridden. Everyone is different. I'm far less hands on with my youngest (18 mths) than I was with her sister (now 3 1/2). But they now have each other.

    We do read, colour, paint, cook and even clean the house together. They know how to put their toys away here and over the grandparents. We always sit at the table for meals (twice a day) and we have quiet time with our routine at bedtime.

    Don't beat yourself up. You are doing what is right for you and your child :)

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    1. I guess once you have two everything changes! I want quite a small age gap so they do learn to play together and we can do the same crafts/ activities when they are older.

      It sounds like a balance is key and that you have yours sorted!

      x

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  3. That sounds fantastic, and as others have said I think what you're doing is spot on for your child. Our daughter still won't let us just sit and do our own thing. She demands attention from whichever of us is in the worst position to give it and if we are not monitoring her she will be trying to do all the things she knows she's not allowed. I have seen her sit and play with her toys for longer than 10 minutes on maybe a couple of occasions and that's it.

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    1. Wow, that must be tiring! I think I should appreciate the little man then as I would go crazy not being allowed a few minutes of peace every day. I salute you!

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  4. Sometimes I play with my son, but a lot of the time he doesn't want me to play with him. He likes to do his own thing. But now at 17 months, he's quite clear when he does want me to help or sit with him, and quite often he just wants reassurance or me to answer questions rather than me sitting and actually building the towers with him. He's a bit of an independent one. Although we do have lots of laughing and rolling around the floor together and stories so that makes up for the fact that he doesn't really want me playing with him.

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    1. Sounds like you have the perfect mix for him!

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  5. I used to get very guilty very quickly about this issue (especially as I worked full-time until two years ago, so I always felt compelled to spend every minute of my non-working waking hours playing with my children). However, I've changed my views radically since being at home with them. I do think that children need time alone to process and to figure things out on their own (with or without other children), as much as they need time with adults. My girls are now 6 and 3, and quite often they will go off to their shared bedroom and ban me from coming in, and spend ages making an elaborate cubby house, or doing dress-ups, etc. I think it's good for all of us!!

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    1. I think it must be very different as stay at home parents as opposed to working and especially with more than one! I would love another child close in age so they can play together

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  6. Not enough, and I feel guilty about it! We go out to plenty of places but I could definitely play with them more!

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    1. I think we could all play more but as long as they are happy I am sure you are doing great!

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  7. We just go with the flow- some days Mads can play happily on her own and we sit together and I either watch tv on the floor so she is at my level and keeps coming to chat to me about what she is doing, or sometimes we play constantly or read or do other things. And then sometimes we both just cuddle on the sofa and watch kids tv and I point out to her what is going on. I do think you worry about what you are doing, but I look at Mads and know she is loved, having fun and she speaks so much better than all her friends. She must be getting some stimulation! Plus we are never in so we are always out and about interacting on the days I have off! x

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    1. We are out a lot too and I know Dylan is loved. He may not be moving but he is very verbal and such a smiley little thing so guess I am doing something right! Thanks for commenting x

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